With Vince being home all the time, one of the disadvantages of him being home to take care of everything, including me . . is that I feel like I’ve become totally irresponsible.
This trip to MO was kinda like torture! I felt frustrated trying to keep up with the credit card, cash, my purse, the keys to the car, the key to the apartment, the key to the hotel room. You don’t even want to know how many times I had to get a new key. It’s a good thing those people like me.
I used to take care of everything. I was a single mother for a while. When Vince and I got married, the first nine years, he was gone more than he was home . . often gone overseas and if something happened, I had to deal with it and get it fixed . . and I did. I feel fairly certain that if I ever had to be a responsible adult again, I could do it but heck, I don’t even want to be responsible.
One night in the hotel I woke up at 1 a.m. and remembered my iPad was in the car. I had left it laying in the passenger seat in plain sight. I’d hate for someone to steal it but I’d really hate for someone to break a car window to get it so I got dressed, went downstairs, asked the lady at the front desk if I wasn’t back in 1 minute, to open the door and yell for me. I ran to the car, got the iPad and ran back in. I told her “No one got me!” and she probably thought . . they’d bring you back!
Vince is always the one who makes the pass through the hotel room as we’re leaving to make sure we picked up everything. I don’t like doing that. I don’t even like being responsible for making sure everything is turned off in the apartment and the doors are locked. I had Nicole come over and go through it with me to make sure I had done everything.
I suppose the more I go to MO by myself, the more I’ll get used to being responsible . . maybe; or maybe I’ll start trying to be more responsible at home and not counting on Vince to do everything. Vince is the type who wants to take care of me and solve all my issues and I so appreciate that but I kinda fear, if I let myself think about it, that the longer I count on him to do everything, the harder it will be for me to be responsible so . . add that to my New Year’s plans . . be more responsible for myself.
Cindy says
Does Vince have a brother? My husband passed away two years ago and I still feel helpless at times.
Deborah Rhodes says
Since mine retired he has slowly tired to manage me I have realized in order not to fight I was letting him. I think his ego is having trouble with my trying to reassert myself. It’s a “dance” everyday. But after his 5 bypass surgery I decided I have to take back my control.
Deborah Rhodes says
Slowly tried.
Judy Laquidara says
It isn’t something Vince has tried to do and he would probably be happy if I were more responsible but I love not carrying a purse or wallet when we go shopping; I love traveling with him making all the plans/reservations and him getting out and pumping all the gas. With the apartment, he said “Did you get all the utilities switched to your name?” Uhh . . no . . I don’t like talking to all those people and setting it up so he did it. Same with the internet. He called, found the best internet for the price, made arrangements to get it hooked up. I’m very happy not to bother with all that, but by the same taken, I know I CAN do it if I had to but I don’t want to do it.
Tu-Na Quilts says
Tu-Na Helper (my husband) and I have two houses. We rely a lot on lists on the IPad: what to bring, what to do to close up the house, who to call to fix things,etc. it sure frees up the mind to think of other things or not.
Judy Laquidara says
We’ve had two places before and the best thing for us is to have everything we need at both houses. I’ll get the apartment set up that way so all I have to take will be knitting projects and dog food since it’s homemade and I probably won’t want to be making it there. As far as closing up the house, since we’re only gone for about a max of two weeks (especially if both of us are gone), it’s pretty much a matter of locking the door as we leave since we control the utilities with our phones. I’m not really going to want to bring things back and forth except for sheets and towels so whatever I need there, I’ll just buy it for there.
Kimberly says
My husband is what I consider a math whiz, so after 23 years, please don’t ask me to even do ‘times tables’. However, it probably works both ways. I’m sure if anything happened to me, it would take a decade before he realized baseboards are something that need vacuuming.
Judy Laquidara says
We probably all CAN do more than we do but it’s nice to have one who’s better at some things and the other at other things.
Kathleen says
Mae a list of the things you must do when you close the apartment. Count them, then make a ritual of doing them in order. Then walk by each to confirm, and then lock the door behind yourself. It’s the only way I can leave my house.
Donna in KS says
I once went to a quilting retreat in Shipshewana, IN. Before I could leave, husband had to teach me how to gas up the vehicle! not something I was proud of but he has always thought that was HIS to do and I had never done it. When I was still single (a LLLLLONG time ago), there were attendants to do that; a person didn’t even have to get out of the vehicle! I am spoiled in many ways and admit it without embarrassment! However, I used to say if something happened to me husband would not know to pay utility bills until someone knocked on the door to tell him about being overdue! That changed once he retired. Funny the roles we each assume in a relationship!
Linda in NE says
My husband would have a bit of trouble paying bills too. The companies charge extra for paper bills so it all comes to the computer & gets paid online either by CC or bank withdrawal. He’d never figure it out if I was suddenly gone. I’ve told him several times that all the passwords & information needed is in a certain notebook, but he probably wouldn’t even remember that so the kids could fix things for him. He doesn’t even like it much that I use a computer but I stand my ground.
Tee says
I take a phone picture of the things I know I will ruminate about once I leave, like turning off the humidifier or the small space heater in the bathroom (take a pic of them unplugged). I also do things in order. I even pack my bags in order and put things in the same spot, so I know something is missing as I am closing my bags up. Once I leave, I count my 3 things; my suitcase, my backpack and my phone/wallet (4 things with my jacket in the winter). Not the things in them, but just so I know I have everything when I leave a spot, like a cab or the airplane, etc.
Tricia says
Ask Vince to make you a checklist so that you know you haven’t forgotten anything. It’s a simple way to help you ‘adult’ (as the kids say).
Sandi B says
We have a typewritten checklist that we use each and every time we close up the house for a trip. Totally understand!
Nelle Coursey says
I go to bed after Pat and after I let the dogs back in for the last time, I go around making sure all the doors are locked. Only then will I go to bed. I could be paranoid, but I don’t think so! LOL
Susan Nixon says
I don’t have Paul to take care of things any more, and I still don’t want to do it. I’m embarrassed to tell you how long I’ve put off buying the things for Paul to fix my kitchen sink, even though I have to keep putting down towels to soak up the water that drips out of the open drain. It would take me one afternoon to go down with him and get what I need and have him fix it. But … I haven’t. I don’t want to deal with it! It really doesn’t cause me a hassle, but it’s pitiful to let it sit like that!
Rebecca in SoCal says
I find it hard to believe how independent I once was. It’s so easy to let the husband take care of things (dealing with car, especially mechanics; scheduling work around the house; paying bills) that I prefer not to think about it. This does remind me that I really need to get him to write down a lot of information (and probably do the same in return).