Last night I was talking to Nicole and she told me that Addie needs to come stay with me more often. She said she and Chad had both noticed how nice, easy going and well mannered she was when she came back. I told Nicole that Addie was probably afraid if she wasn’t super nice, they’d send her back to Texas to mean Granny, grumpy Grumps and millions of bugs that wanted to eat her alive!
Nicole said she has really been so sweet, hasn’t argued, has done things the first time they asked her and there has been no running to her room crying when she didn’t get her way.
Here, we had the talk with her about answering us when we asked her something; one night she slammed a door when she didn’t like what I had told her. I didn’t say anything then but the next day we were out walking and we talked about respect and how no one gets their way all the time and how rude it is to slam a door or hit a wall or someone. We talked about how we all must control our emotions, think about how the other person feels but there’s never a reason to be hateful or disrespectful.
Once she asked me why I always said thank you to people so we talked about that. I told her that if someone does something nice for you, even a very small thing, always say thank you. Even if that person isn’t expecting to be thanked, it’s a nice thing to do. I noticed by the time she left, she was saying “thank you” to both of us all the time. Vince went out one night and filled the bird bath with water. When he came in, Addie told him thanks for filling the bird bath. He said “Why are YOU thanking me?” and she said “Because the birds can’t talk!”
Seriously, it wasn’t like I said “She’s a bad child and I need to straighten her out while she’s with me.” I just did the things I did with Chad; made sure she knew why I do the things I do and why I think the way I think. I tried to always explain the reasoning for the things I asked her to do and the things I expected of her.
Those examples are the main reason I wanted to be closer to her. It’s not that her parents aren’t doing a good job of raising her . . I think they are; but just to have another perspective; to see and experience the values that are dear to me; to experience sewing and being able to make things; cooking all the meals from scratch (except the ton of corn dogs, fish sticks and tater tots she ate while she was here).
OK . . her parents have had her almost a week. I think it’s my turn again. 🙂
Elle says
Good job Grandma 🙂 I’m sure Chad and Nichole sincerely appreciate the boost!
wanda jordan says
That’s why every child needs to be close to grandparents. We can teach them so much that parents just don’t have the time for. It takes going over and over again to catch on. Yes I know not all grandparents can live close these days. We are what is called mob il society. That I think it one thing wrong.But have to go where the jobs are these days. It isn’t like it was in the 50’s and 60’s. Children are missing out so much. Grandparents take the kids when you can teach them the good old days and the good old ways too. Parents are so stressed right now help if you can..
Judy Laquidara says
That’s exactly how I look at it.
Stephani in N. TX says
That’s the essence of “it takes a village.” It doesn’t require 100 people, just additional people who can add depth to the experience of growing up. Everyone, especially close family, add an additional layer of love to a child’s life, expectations and interaction included. How wonderful for Addie for the added dimension in her life, and you and Vince did it. Such a far cry from wondering if she would want to go home after a week. I came from a “big fat Greek family,” and it probably saved me.
Judy Laquidara says
Our family was small and not real close. I have first cousins I’ve never met! I see families like yours and as crazy as they can be, I always wished our family had been larger and closer.
Liz says
It usually takes doing “something” for about four weeks for “something” to become a habit. So, Addie was with you for 5 weeks. Hopefully, she continues to get positive feedback about continuing these habits.
Susan Nixon says
Most children are more inclined to listen to someone other than their parents. It was good for her to see that what you do and what her parents do are similar, and that there is a polite behavior which makes society run well. I’m so glad your lessons stuck with her, because it will make her life run more smoothly. As an only child, she’s had no opportunities to see sibling behavior and figure these things out.
Kathleen Schwitzner says
Yep, that’s my thought too. Mine wouldn’t listen to me, but if another adult indicated something that matched what I was saying, she’d look at me sometimes like the grown-ups were in kahoots! I told her, repeatedly, I am so way not making it up! Then she learned that with many saying the same thing, that’s the way it should be. Now as a college student, I am so lucky to have a reasonable, responsible student as a child.
The best one was a good friend of mine said to me that when she was a teen, she gave her mother a bit of a hard time. Then she realized, as people, they had a lot of common interests. Then she became her mother’s friend and stopped being a snotty teen. I firmly believed that my kid got from that that a teen doesn’t have to be a jerk to her parents. And for this I am thankful. And she too, like Addie, is an only child.
Nelle Coursey says
The slamming of the door reminded me of my friend Hallie and her husband. Her son kept slamming the door to his room and her husband told him if he did not stop slamming it, he was going to take the door off. Well the kid did it one too many times and Hallie’s husband got his tools and took the door off. The kid was amazed that he didn’t have a door any longer. When his step dad told him he could have it back when he learned to respect everyone in the house. He was not a door slammer any longer!! He eventually got the door back.
Duane says
Awesome story. Sometimes they actually listen! She may pass some of her newfound manners to her children.
April Reeves says
My kids go stay in the summers with their aunt for a week or two and grandma comes to hang out also. Their aunt will step in and correct any unsavory behaviors she sees developing in them and it makes a bigger impact than the one million times I’ve said it. They want to please their Aunt and they get really upset when she corrects them and thus it makes a bigger impact. I’m constantly instructing/correcting them to mold them so one more correction doesn’t phase them in their day to day life. She doesn’t call them out as much and it’s more about fun with her. Plus it is a different approach than I’ve taken and it gets them to see the light and it is just not same old mom and dad rhetoric that goes in one ear and out the other.
It sucks this year they are getting to to the Camp Emmy (what she calls it) for the summer. She is a nanny and her husband works in the restaurant industry as a server so they feel they get too exposed as is. We are too social for her comfort level even though we keep our small social circle the same people over and over.
Judy Laquidara says
I’m sorry they aren’t getting to go to Camp Emmy. I hope the boys understand. Isn’t it funny how all of us get/got immune to our parents and what they said and we thought we knew more than our parents, but let a teacher or other family member say the same thing and we were all so eager to please that they didn’t have to say it twice.