This week school pictures were being made at Addie’s school. Nicole had called to see what size I want, and what size she should get for my uncle. We talked about all the different packages. She wanted pictures for her parents, grandparents, aunt and sister so, together, we came up with the perfect package.
Yesterday Nicole called again and was telling me that they had been talking at work about school pictures and she mentioned Addie’s bicycle accident “damages” were almost gone but there were a couple of faint scars. A friend told her there’s a place you can check on the photo form, and pay extra, and have the photos “brushed” and imperfections removed. She wondered out loud if she should do that.
My first thought was . . it’s just school pictures. Then I told Nicole – we told her, even with all the scrapes and bloody scabs, that she was still beautiful. I felt like having the photo “brushed” to wash away the scars could convey to her that she isn’t beautiful and that we have to touch up her pictures so the scars don’t show, though in real life, they may always show a bit. We went with the “I love you and you’re beautiful just the way you are!” plan and she chose not to have them brushed.
Last night, while sitting alone for hours knitting, I wondered how often our words say one thing and our actions say something else.
As adults, I don’t think we think much about it but different things went through my head.
How many times do we see someone or talk on the phone and say “We need to get together soon.” But, we never do. We didn’t mean what we said or we would have said “Let’s have lunch Monday!” and made plans.
Another thing we do – when someone needs help with whatever is going on, we’ll often say “Call me if you need help!” We can almost be sure they won’t call. If we really want to help, we show up at their house and say “I’m here to help. Show me what you want me to do.”
When Chad was young and had to get immunizations, I would hear parents say “It isn’t going to hurt!” Heck . . it is going to hurt! I would always tell Chad . . it’s going to hurt for just a second. It’s something we have to do so let’s just get it done and then we’ll go get ice cream!
I’m as guilty as anyone for saying “Let’s get together soon” and then making no effort to get together, or saying “Call me if you need help”, knowing the other person needs help.
I’m going to make more of an effort to say what I mean and mean what I say.
vivoaks says
I think we all do that – say we need to get together or the “Call if you need me” but I DO think, at that time, we really do mean to help or we do mean what we say. We just don’t follow through to make it happen. It’s not that we don’t care – we do – we just don’t prioritize it like we should. It’s good to keep it in the front of our mind, though. The more we think and remember it, the more chance that we’ll actually follow through.
Teri says
Thank you….you are right….I’m always saying let’s do lunch….I’m going to start making dates instead…..
Nelle Coursey says
I think everyone does this. I don’t worry about it much when it happens to me because I know people are busy and things come up. That is just life now. I hate when I don’t follow through on things though! I feel bad because I didn’t go ahead and just do it!
quilter44 says
Thank you so much for sharing this story. You and Nicole made the perfect decision about the photos. I know someone who is suffering from body image issues. Young girls need to know that beauty and perfection do not belong in the same sentence.
annie says
So glad the decision was not to touch up Addi’s school pic. The cutest pics are those with imperfections, when you look back at them years later and can say, “oh yes, remember the time when such and such thing happened”, or the hair was newly cut and sticking up all over, etc. Those are the fun pictures!
Hope we get to see a pic when ready.
dezertsuz says
Our church has been trying to teach us to do rather than say. My problem is that so often it is something where I would help, but I don’t know what would be welcome. I do little things for people, but I’m not always sure it’s the right thing. I do know that I would hate it if someone showed up at my door with a mop and bucket and cleaners and said, “I’m here to help clean your house.” Doesn’t matter that it needs it. LOL
Judy Laquidara says
I’m thinking more like when someone really could use help. Mostly like when there’s something specific – someone is moving – in or out of a house. There are always things to do. Or go help clean flower beds for an elderly person (me!) 🙂
Or when someone is caring for elderly family members – take food over. I know when my mom was bringing meals to my grandparents, even if I didn’t have time to cook a whole meal to take, bring our leftovers was often more than enough food for an elderly couple.
No, I wouldn’t want someone coming in to clean my house unless I had asked for it or if we were moving and it needed a deep cleaning after we were out.
We had an elderly neighbor in Nevada and I’d call her on Sunday evening when I was going to push my trash can out to the curb and see if she wanted to put more trash in hers, then I’d push both mine and hers out, and then I’d bring them both back to the house.
cassews says
Its really funny how in life we say and don’t do a follow thru. I am just as guilty as the next in some ways. I won’t offer to clean a house unless prompted by a medical ailment (ie: surgery) then I am very careful of making sure the bathrooms & kitchen are extra clean, clean sheets and bedding on the bed or area for the person.
I recently lost a good friend to the “oh I’ll call you lets do lunch .. found out she had time for others but not me, so time for her to move on with her life which is what I told her as she is telling me : I love you my friend and miss you. Her life was taking a different direction than mine I felt and feel its time to move on as well…
The people in your life should be a source for reducing stress not creating more of it by an author unknown…..