Since Vince has retired, I’ve learned something about him — he talks to himself incessantly! He’s sitting at the table, not 8 feet from me, working on his printer. He is constantly talking to himself. He says about 50 times more to himself than he’s ever said to me.
I’m sitting here knitting, paying attention to what I’m doing so I don’t spend too much on yarn <G> and I keep saying “What?” or “Are you talking to me?” He will say “No! I’m talking to myself. Am I bothering you?” No, he is not bothering me but the one time I totally tune him out will be when he’s asking me a question and then he will not be happy that I ignore him.
I was thinking about it this morning as I’m halfway listening for something that might be directed towards me, and halfway paying attention to my knitting . . but when we first got married, he traveled a lot with work. We were lucky if he was home one week out of the month. We just didn’t spend a lot of time together. Then, after about 5 years of marriage, he was home more but we had the house in town and the house in the country. I mostly stayed in town because Chad was involved in so much that involved driving at night, and Vince stayed in the country so we weren’t together that much.
We moved to Missouri and my quilting was all in the basement so even though Vince was home almost every night, I was downstairs sewing.
Here, we have this little bitty house and we are together every minute of every day. The first few months of retirement were not easy. I joked about it here but I was not sure things were going to work out so well. He was finding his way with his new lifestyle. I had not one minute to myself when, for so long, I had been alone at least from about 7 to 4:30 weekdays.
Things are great now. I’ve learned to say “I’m going to the sewing room!” and he knows that means I need some peace and quiet. He’s also busy with things that interest him, instead of sitting around thinking what he might do next or where we might go. We often don’t go to town more than once a week. I would prefer less but that is such an improvement over what we were doing. Vince does a lot of his in town running around on my knitting day and he now understands that I just will not go to town every day.
He’s even accepted that we have a late breakfast and another meal around 3 p.m. and that’s all the cooking I’m going to do. He heats things up for himself — there are always leftovers in the fridge, or makes a sandwich if he wants more food than I’m serving.
He’s been retired five months but had been on medical leave for three months so really, he’s been “retired” for eight months Life really is good and will probably only get better from here. Those first few weeks, I would have sent him back to work .. anywhere . . if I could have but now, I’m happy he’s home with me every day.
Now . . let me get back to listening to see if he might mutter something to which I need to respond! 🙂
Karen says
Bob doesn’t talk to himself – he hums; and it’s not any tune I’ve ever heard before! He especially hums in bed while he’s sleeping. At least when he’s humming he’s not snoring:)
Susan Torrens says
Sounds like you are well on the way to loving this next installment of your life together. It really takes a large adjustment for both – I had to sit my husband down and have a serious talk with him, but we’ve been enjoying our retirement for almost 18 years!
Pat says
I think the hardest adjustment for me was having my husband go grocery shopping with me (after 47 years of doing all the shopping myself). I was not a happy camper when he told me I didn’t “need” something. He has gotten better but I don’t enjoy the trips. Unfortunately, I can’t drive until I get off pain pills so we will be shopping together for a while!
montanaclarks says
My husband tried that stunt with me Pat–questioning everything I put in the basket–I walked out of the store and told him he was now the cook–he’s never gone in another grocery store with me.
Nelle Coursey says
This is so funny! Pat retired years before I did and he said I interrupted his and the dog’s routines! Guess I did but I am loving this! I have not regretted retiring from day 1!! Things do get better. It is so nice to be able to get up and go somewhere and not have to ask someone’s permission! Now I am just a lazy kind of person, If the housework gets done it is ok, if it doesn’t, it’s still ok!
Jackie says
My husband does this all the time as well, like you I was always listening in case he needed help or asked me something. We finally came to an agreement that unless he said my name I could just disregard him. It took a couple of months to find our rhythm then he takes a job out of town and we’ll have to find another rhythm.
montanaclarks says
We too are together 24 hours a day and most of the time I like it. I get frustrated when Mike thinks he has to go to town with me every time I go–now that we don’t have Nat’s for him to hang out while I have lunch with a friend I’m not sure what he is going to do.
Maggie says
My kids often talk to friends on the computer and I told them now if they are talking to me, they need to start out by shouting Mom so I know they are talking to me!
Kathy C. says
My husband has to be constantly making some kind of noise: humming, tapping, singing (not always on-key), talking to himself – sometimes out loud and sometimes to himself – them asks/tells me something assuming I’ve also heard his inner monologue. It cracks me up and frustrates me in equal measures because a lot of times he is completely unaware he’s doing it. We have a few years until retirement (not soon enough for me!) and I’m sure we will NEED to find separate locations at least part of every day to keep the peace.
Rebecca in SoCal says
It sounds like you’re settling in nicely. I was concerned about those daily trips to town; thank goodness that didn’t last any longer than it did!
Bev in NC says
If you don’t answer, I guess he has to learn to repeat the question after saying your name? My favorite at my house is , “I have a question” I wait and then he asks if I’m going to ask him what it is. Nope!!
dezertsuz says
I’m glad things are so much better. I wonder if Paul felt that way when I retired? LOL. But we both had our own interests, and our own privacy times, so maybe not. And we were traveling from the last day I worked until he died.