All the way home from Missouri, I was thinking and planning about how I would persuade Vince that we need to move back to Missouri. It must be done gradually. It’s best to do it slowly . . never come home from a trip there and announce such a life changing desire. It’s even better if I can somehow talk in circles enough to where he ends up suggesting we move back without me ever having to ask.
The plan was . . over the next few weeks I would talk about how pretty it is there — green! Grass grows there and it’s green! There are no grasshoppers. There are no scorpions. There are fewer black widows. No rattlesnakes! I would, of course, not mention snow and ice. I would talk about Table Rock Lake and Truman Lake and all the pretty streams. But I would do it ever so slowly and convincingly! I wouldn’t mention anything til at least next week.
I hadn’t been home long and he said “It’s hard for you to leave there, isn’t it?” I said “Yes! I don’t want to live in Texas any more! I want us to move back to Missouri!”
He just looked at me .. like he couldn’t believe I was saying that! I said “I’ll feel differently next week!” . . but I don’t think I will.
I had been holding out hope that Chad would eventually transfer to Texas but he told me this trip that there’s a slim chance . . probably no chance . . that they’ll move here. He loves the southwest Missouri and I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t end up back near Nevada, MO. I’m happy for him that they both like it there and he has the option to stay in the area but now . . I have to figure out a way for us to get back there at some point. By the time Vince retires, which may be sooner rather than later, Chad should have a more permanent position/location. I don’t necessarily want to live in the same town (or house <G>) with them, but I would like to be no more than 3 hours from them.
Time will tell but . . Texas has lost some of it’s glory now that I’m pretty sure Chad, Nicole and Addie will not be moving here ever.
Ranch Wife says
I can’t say I blame you. I’m a Texas girl, but the pull to be closer to family and that sweet grand baby is stronger than the charm of Texas and I’m betting Vince would enjoy getting to spend more time with the kids as well. I know you love Texas, but I’m pretty sure you’ll make wherever you live a paradise and if you’re closer to the kids, you’ll have the best of both worlds.
Donna Williams says
Maybe he will quietly think it over (that’s how Louis does it anyway) and suddenly! out of the blue! He will announce that more than anything he would L O V E to move to Missouri! And would you mind terribly, leave Texas and move to Missouri? Ya’ never know, right?
Sharon Downey says
Keep in mind Judy that even if you move near to them, they may have more moves ahead of them in their life. He could get a better job offer or just like you and Vince decide they want to live somewhere else. Life is ever changing for all of us. I hate to say it but I speak from experience. You and Vince raised a fine daughter. One I know is dear to you. How ever she’s grown and I’m sure Vince has looked forward to having you more to himself. You’ve both put a lot of time into improving your place and I’ve heard a lot of love expressed in the things you’ve done for your home. Would Vince be happy turning his back on all he’s done to improve that place for you in Texas? You’ve mentioned many times that all you have to do is say you need something and he’ll do it for you.
Also you mentioned the prolonged crying on the way home. Hormone’s do wicked things to us. It might be time for a checkup. You may hate me for saying this. Speaking as a friend.
I could have sworn we raised a son! 🙂
Chad never HAS to move, and he told me they’ve decided staying in the sw MO area is what they want to do. Even if he did move, since Nicole’s family is there, if we were in that area, they could make one trip home and see all of us.
I have regular medical checkups so my hormones are fine . . or as fine as they will be at my age! 🙂
Trust me, we will, as we always do, weigh all the options before we make any decisions. We haven’t gotten this far in life by making bad decisions.
Becky in VA says
Grandmother to Grandmother I totally understand how you feel – follow your heart, even if it means leaving your wonderful place in TX. You guys have lots of experience moving – Vince wants you to be happy!
Linda in NE says
And I’ll bet there’s a quilter somewhere who would fall in love with that wonderful Texas sewing studio.
I live about 1 hr away from my Now Drama teen Grand Daughter, another step son and his wife are about a hr away too. It is too far to go on a snow day to pick them up, it is too far to be included in spontaneous drop overs, bc I was close by and picked something up for the kids. the one Step DD that does live close and has 3 grands, RARLEY calls, stops over or interacts w us. Move closer if you can. VERY close. 3 hrs is too far, down the street would be OK by me.
I have lived away from “home” for 40 years now. Every time I go back to visit I say I’m moving back and I’m tired of being 500 miles away…every time. Then I get back to my life here and the “hurt” of being away from home eases over time. I love my life here. But I know the next time I go “home” I’ll start planning how to move back there. Truth be told I like this little town better than my home town for so many reasons except that I miss my family. They have a happy full life as I do here and I’ve learned to just visit as often as I can and enjoy every minute when they come here. Between them coming and me going we see each other about every 3 months for a week at a time. In reality that’s probably close to as many hours as we would spend if we lived in the same town. It would just be for shorter periods more often ( hours instead of days). With Skype and cell phones we “visit” each other several times a week. I know how heavy your heart feels right now because mine has felt it many times over 40 years..
We never lived closer than 8 hours away from my parents after our daughter was born. Sometimes I regret it, but I know our daughter was closer to her grandparents than the 2 grandchildren who lived a mile away. From the summer after our daughter was in kindergarten, she flew from Texas to Iowa for at least a week every summer to spend with them… just by herself. We all visited each other 2 or 3 other times during the year, but that week….. sometimes 2, that they spent alone was so precious to all of them. On the flip side, our daughter doesn’t have kids yet, but none of us have any plans of leaving this great state of Colorado now and I’m very grateful for that feeling!
Paua L says
I think you are facing a decision many of us grandparents have made. I also raised just one child and when she married and moved to Houston (3-1/2 hours from me) and the grandbabies started coming, I did move closer, now 30 minutes away. I love being close to my daughter and her family but really miss the old place. This move is one that more and more people are making. The old place was a condo complex with 50 units and 6 of the ladies that live there moved to be closer to their children. My new place is a house and the neighbors on either side plus one across the street have moved here for the same reason. Boomerang children seem to get all the news while the quiet revolution of parents moving to be closer to their children goes under reported. It is hard to leave a place you love to be near the people you love and I don’t envy you and Vince even considering to make such a decision.
Rebecca Grace says
Yes, the thing is, they grow up so fast. My parents moved to Charlotte soon after my second son was born and both of my kids spend time with them every single week. They are very close. My mom teaches my sons oil painting and makes rubber band bracelets and cookies with them, decorating Christmas cookies and Easter eggs and all of that. They are with us for every birthday, every Thanksgiving. etc. Meanwhile my husband’s parents are hiding out in the Everglade swamps of Florida, a 14-hour drive away, and although they are both retired, we only see them perhaps once a year. My kids spent a month with them two summers ago, but other than that, they don’t really know them at all. They are just the signature on the bottom of the birthday check. Meanwhile, the boys are 10 and 13 now, with their childhoods more than half over. When I’m a grandparent, I want to be the gramma who lives near enough to snuggle with little ones when they are home sick from school, if at all possible. Home is wherever the heart is, they say, and it sounds like your heart lives in Missouri.
In your heart of heart you won’t feel differently next week Judy, but you are there, and Chad, Nicole and Addie are in Missouri. At least for now you will do what you need to. Visit when you can. Cry a lot, and wish things were different. Treasure the times together, and if and when Vince does retire (some men don’t nowadays)—evaluate your circumstance then. Also, have you thought of buying a vacation type home near Nicole and Chad where you could spend time vacationing. for extended periods of time. Also, think about how tied down to your place in Texas you have become due to the chickens and garden. If you release some of that responsibility you could spend more time with family—-it’s why we no longer have all that stuff to do at home. Gardens and animals require constant attention. Vince is also missing out on being with family too. Lots to think about—
Judy he works for Walmart and there is no guarantee he will ever be in a one place for long.
they move them everywhere.
I know several store managers and they have been moved from one place to the next.
so you need to get an RV to move with him.
Julie in WA says
LOL…I’d like to see an RV pulling a chicken coop on wheels! I’m sure Vince could put one together!
ida in Central PA says
I can understand the desire to be closer to your son, and his family. It is hard to be apart. In October, I got to see my son and daughter-in-law for the first time since their marriage the July before (2012!) I don’t know when I’ll get to see them again …. I’m here in State College, and they’re out in Omaha! 18 hours. (18 hours also gets my sisters in Kansas City, but it’s 22 to my sister in Ft. Worth! )
Three hours, may seem like a huge distance to you, but that’s a ‘drop’ to us …. Three hours is Pittsburgh .. or Baltimore or DC … 4 is NYC … all of those LONG, but reasonable ‘day’ trips. 5 hours is Philly or Erie/Buffalo/Niagara. 7 gets me Boston … 9-10 gets Chicago (half-way to my son — straight out I-80!).
Oh I completely understand. Both of my kids live within 30 minutes to 90 minutes from my home. I only see them a couple of times a month (we are all so BUSY), but knowing they are there and within reach is so comforting. I sometimes think I’d like to move to a smaller, more rural place… but I know I’d regret being so far from the kids. That being said, my first thought when you said you wanted to leave Texas was… what about the chickens??? lol
Mary C in WA says
Some days this winter even an hour away has been too far. It’s nice to be able to go and share the special times with the 12 Grandchildren that live close. They are all are growing up way too fast. Vince knows your heart. Sweet of him to realize it’s hard for you to leave them.
Penny in So CA says
Oh my, I’m reading some of the responses or advice to your desire to move back to MO to be closer to Chad, Nicole & Addie. I can’t believe what people write to you!! Why does using the internet give people the freedom to say such strange & even unkind thots? Sometimes when you or anyone writes about problems it is a release for the soul & often helps solve the problem.(You probably are not aware of this but many times what you write & share from the heart you have solved my problem(s) & I thank you!) I know that with your intelligence & your great common sense you will reach a good decision for all! For now just think good thoughts with the memories of your recent visit!
My thoughts exactly. If some folks think I’m too stupid to make a good decision, after getting this far in life, I wonder why they even read my blog!
Rebecca in SoCal says
I find this heart-breaking, knowing how well you love your life in Texas. I’m also feeling sorry for a friend who has to raise her grandchild. It sounds like being a GRANDparent is the best!
I was thinking about Addie growing up and getting very busy, but rather than taking time away from you, that might give you more opportunity to be involved! (Like if she is on a sports team, you could go to her games, or in Girl Scouts, you could be involved in her troop).
I think Addie picked a good grandma! 😉
As a grandma of 6…I volunteer to help you pack and move ASAP! I live 10 minutes from 4 of my grandkids and 1 hour from the other 2. I get to “play” every week with all 6 and I can’t imagine living any farther away. Hang in there and make the best of it until you can move!
Linda W says
When I read your post about leaving Chad and his family in MO to head home, I welled up just thinking how difficult it is to be in your position. How sweet that Vince acknowledged it. Sounds like a good starting point! Wishing you the best!
You have always made great decisions and it ticks me off at some of the things people have said to you on this feed. You put your heart out there. I love you and I really feel your pain. I have not had long distance grandchildren, but I felt that pain when Jessie was so far away. It’s HARD!!
I so understand…..I have had enough of the dry, windy Texas Panhandle, too. I am ready to move! NOW!
By the way…my blog has a new name 🙂
It was so hard for me when my Daughter and her hubs moved to UT .. SO we moved 4 hours closer but still not close enough as I cry every time we leave .. But I know there is nothing there that we both enjoy .. Other than our family . So we are 4 hours away and can go anytime we feel like it ….but I still cry when I leave .. Sigh ….
Well, Missouri will always be home to me, I can’t see how Texas can even be in the running (no offense, but I love the hills and trees of southern Missouri), but I’m not moving back until they make it legal to hunt with crossbows! LOL
In all seriousness, I think a Missouri move would be a win win. You’d have the kids, AND finding a homestead in Missouri will be ever so much easier, not to mention more affordable, there. Go a little further south than you were before and you’ll avoid most of the nasty winter weather.
Kathy C in OR says
I understand how you feel. My kids and granddaughters live 2400 miles apart and there is no chance for either f them to move closer.
So my hubs and I (Mimi and Pops) now split our time between the 2 places. We have a condo in 1 place and will downsize our larger home in the other to a smaller turn-key friendly place.
I can’t imagine not spending time with both so we do the traveling they can’t. It helps we love both places they live, although not so much the drive between the 2. But we love our kids and granddaughters and will do the traveling for as long as we can.
Good for you, to always follow your heart.
Eva Lyn says
Hee hee, I wrote a long comment and then deleted it. You know that whether you decide to move back or just visit as often as you can, Missouri and all it has to offer will welcome you with open arms.
EvaLyn in Kansas City, MO