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Please Don’t Get Me Wrong

Either I’m the world’s worst at getting my thoughts across or some totally miss my point.  I am very thankful for both of our good health.  I pray Vince is around for many, many, many years.

Surely if you’ve read my blog any, you know that I detest shopping.  He could shop every day, all day . . whether he buys anything or not, though too often he does buy too much “stuff”.  I go with a list.  I rush through, getting only what’s on my list and I leave!  I plan my trips.  I know which day I’m going to go out and do my errands.  I can just about know to the minute when I’m leaving and when I’m getting home.  With Vince, he wakes up each day thinking of a way to convince me to go shopping with him.  He will tell me we’re going one place and then he decides to go six places.

I’m perfectly happy to sit in the house or have him come out to my sewing room, or even ride around on the land or walk the land or sit out on the porch with him.

But, I simply don’t have it in me to shop for hours and hours or to go somewhere every day.

Please . . don’t interpret that as me not wanting him to be around, or not being thankful for having him!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. People are weird! What woman can’t relate to that? So strange to have to explain yourself on small comments!

  2. My DH and I negotiate stuff like this. He isn’t as much of a shopper as Vince but he does like to go places. I’m mostly happy at home. He knows I’d rather be home so we make “deals”. Like I agree to go running around with him willingly and happily 3 days a week if he promises not to even suggest it on the other 4 days that week. It can vary from week to week based on circumstances.

  4. My husband, whom I truly dearly love and would be lost without, retired 8 years ago this week. I still miss having my own time. He now has time to question what’s in the trash (no, I DON’T want it — I THREW IT AWAY!!!), when am I going to do this or that, and then why do I do it the way I do. I love him to pieces, but it isn’t easy learning to be together 24/7. I got so much more done alone, even when I was working three days a week. We retired at the same time, and I think it would have been good to retire at different times. Life is good — we laugh about things a lot, we do get along great and can talk about anything — but I miss having a couple of days a week to myself. I love him just as much, I just miss my own time.

    • I see my DH in that description. He was home for four days over Christmas & the weekend. Always looking over my shoulder & asking if I was going to do this, or did I intend to do that. Grrrrr! Or just constantly moving, he can’t stay still. Putter here, putter there. Got on my nerves, that’s for sure.

  5. How could anybody be upset by what you wrote earlier? I read it and said ” I know what you’re going through!” Reading it I thought it was so true and so familiar. Guys just like to be on the go….they are used to having to go somewhere everyday and find that very hard to change.

  6. Goodness, people maybe need to read more of your blog before they comment! I’ve been reading you for about three years now, and I love your stories about Vince! They are very funny and I really relate! I often chuckle and share them with my DH, too.. Don’t apologize! Keep sharing. We love your stories. ~Angeal~

  7. Several years ago my husband had a 9-month period of unemployment. When I was explaining the problems having him at home all the time caused an older woman friend said “Yeah, well you promised for better or for worse, but not for lunch!” That still makes me laugh.

  8. I sure understood what you meant. Someone needs to lighten up if they complained about your comments. Love and peace and happiness…that is the message for the season.

  9. It seems that someone always misunderstands comments! I knew what you meant and I like reading about your Life, so keep it up! Vince is the absolute opposite of my Tim – he just goes to get something and then leaves! He’s a Hunter! I, like to go in and look at everything – I’m a Gatherer! But at least, we’ve managed 10 years of Retirement – we’ve even been in 48 states and 6 Canadian provinces in our 22 ft. Class C RV! Togetherness!

    By the way, I love all your quilts and am amazed at your creativity.

    Sherry in Carrollton, TX.

  10. We are much like you and Vince. Eric is the shopper and I am the “go get what I want and then go home.” But I am lucky. We both retired 6 1/2 years ago but I am making him work (teach) part time until both of our cars are paid off. And when he bought a new one last year I reminded him that he had just lengthened his teaching time by 5 years.

  11. I knew exactly what you meant Judy!!!! My sypamthies to everyone who has lost a spouse. I remind myself everytime I get dragged to Menards, Runnings and TSC. Like some of the others commented==I take him to the Dr, but he doesn’t go with me, even if I really should have someone drive me there and back. He’s not retired, but we ranch and so it is 24/7 togetherness. It has taken an adjustment! I worked in town for 37 years. Some days I feel like I’m at his beck and call. I just want a few hours alone too as one other lady said. I’m sure the lady that misunderstood you was thinking of herself and why wouldn’t she. She has no one else to think of. I’ll remember her next time I want to be unappreciative of a healthy annoying rancher.

  12. My DH and I are YEARS away from retirement but I can still relate to your situation. This is a clear case of “can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em!! Don’t stop blogging, please! I love (and laugh with) all of them!

  13. When my DH retired he took over the cooking (hehehe and I just let him do it.). He love to cook, and sometimes is better than I am – especially baking – go figure!

  14. My husband consults from home so he is gone a lot or here all the time. You work it out. Right now he goes to physio every morning. Dare I say, I LOVE it, I get a ton done in that hour. I think you and Vince have a super relationship, I envy you as I laugh at and with you both. The best revenge is to live well and be happy.

  16. You don’t need to apologize, Judy. We know where you are coming from. My husvand loves to go, go, go everyday. I like shopping, I really do but not to go somewhere EVERYDAY! We do alot of things together but some days he goes by himself or visits one of his friends. I get lots done that day He belongs to a remote control flying club and that seems to satisfy his urge to go somewhere……the flying field with his buddies. We have different hobbies and I think that is what keeps us happy. You have to find time for each of you. I like the comment someone made about taking 3 days of week to go with hubby and then he will be happy and you won’t feel guilty stayinig home and enjoying your sewing, gardening and cooking.

  17. All I did was chuckle…..we are you and Vince also! My DH usually cons me into going with a promise to stop somewhere I might enjoy, then we run out of time after completing the list in his “head”, oh well…love him anyway! lol

  19. I LOVE your posts & the funny little things you write about you & Vince. I’ve not one time ever thought anything negative about what you’ve written. I really hope nobody else really thinks bad things about your writing… Like the person/comment above this – some people will find fault with just about everything and anything! Those people really need to go crawl in a cave and leave others alone.
    Sending HUGS!
    BLM 🙂

  20. With all your posts I never once thought youn didn’t want Vince around! You are always saying how perfect your life is right now, and that’s because you share your life with Vince. You work it out, and you always will 🙂

  21. Oh Judy, I so know where you are coming from. My dh has had 17 days off in the past month, not counting weekends. These were holidays, scheduled personal days, and vacation days that he saved and needed to take before the end of the year. He goes back to work tomorrow and Monday, has Tuesday off, then thankfully things get back to normal. I really am not sure how I will handle his retirement in a few years. I love him, but I get nothing done when he is home. He doesn’t like shopping, but likes to come up with things he needs that he sends me to get. I spend about half my time in town. Oh well, I guess I will learn to adapt. Summer isn’t so bad because we can be out in the garden, but winter is the pits. I absolutely understand what you are saying. I am saying almost the same thing. LOL

  22. since his retirement my DH has to go to a walmart every day, and he wants me there. Yesterday, there were no plans, all of a sudden he comes to my bedroom, tells me to get dressed, off to Austin. WHY-boo hoo. no reason, he has to go to Sam’s………..6 hours later. we finally got home.
    it took him all day today to unload my little car. With what I have no idea. I almost lost him last month, his heart stopped, so no i do not want to loose him, I just wish after 30 yrs-he would change and keep up the place.sigh

  23. I understand completely! My Sweet Teen and I left home before 11 a.m. We returned home about 6:00 p.m. We bought some clothing we need. According to my receipts I “saved” several times what I spent, But I’m just tired from all the looking and trying on and waiting in line (although the clerks assured us it was a LOT better today than yesterday. Hmmmmmm….now I think I’m too tired to sew–so I’m thinking: knitting, reading, and DVD watching. My plan (which may well be thwarted) is that the only places I should have to go between now and January 2nd are the post office and church. We’ll see…I hope you get to spend a lot of time at home engaging in activities you enjoy!

  24. My family knows that 3 stops are my limit – any more and there are consequences. Yes there is a learning curve when husband’s retire. Mine has learned to make a meal and call me when it is ready if I am busy quilting. I love to cook and still do most of it, but it is nice to have a meal ready and waiting once in a while!
    The first winter in Florida after DH retired, he was still on “vacation mode” and our bank account suffered. We had a long talk about our attitude, and life settled down fairly quickly. We love spending time together, and when I see him leaving to go for a bike ride, I usually drop what I’m doing and pedal along. For some couples the “retirement adjustment” takes longer and is more difficult, but I love my DH home most every day, and miss him when he spends a whole day away!

  25. I love your blog. It is so funny, but so true to life. You just tell it like it is, and that’s a good thing! While counseling us for marriage 39 years ago, my pastor said that two people really do become and function as one over time. He explained that in the areas that the husband is weak, the wife will be strong in those very areas, and in the areas the wife is weak, the husband will be strong. An example – I was a very patient person, he was very impatient. Over time, he learned to be more patient, and I learned to get a move on! So, we were able to function efficiently together. So, you hate to shop and Vince loves it. Let him do all the shopping and tell him you will guard the homefront while he is away. When he retires, he will begin to realize that he isn’t accomplishing things at home that he wants to, and that desire to go shopping every day will diminish. Then you will be wishing he would go out shopping so you will have time to get something done at home. Is that clear as mud? Just when you think you have it all figured out, everything changes. Life is funny that way…LOL!

  26. My husband is the same way. We go to eat breakfast, the he starts to ride around on his various errands. After I’ve had four cups of coffee at breakfast, I need a warning if we are going anywhere other than straight home.

  27. Your Vince is just like my DH….I love him dearly but he is a pain when it comes to shopping. We’re retired but he works part time as a contract employee …it is a blessing to have him home but I love when he goes to work. I’ve since resigned myself to blowing most of the day when we go in to Farm and Fleet. and wherever else needed….atleast Vince offers lunch!

  28. I know that you are thankful for your Husband. It’s just that too much of even a good thing is too much. I dread when My husband is at loose ends and under foot too. You are not alone! My Dh doesn’t like to Shop even so I’ll have him under foot a LOT!

  30. I would say to my husband, you do the shopping I stay at home. Lol more time for me to do some nice things. My FIL took over the household totally when he retired, my MIL didn’t have a live of herself from that moment, she even could not go to the neighbours for some coffee on her own. Awfull. i told my husband if he would do that I would divorse him. Luckey enough we have both our social contact and interests do, so I don’t think it will be a problem.

  31. Like you, Ihate shopping – my DH hates it even more. Somehow when I go ouit there’s always bunches of things to do and to get and I don’t always have them written down but we end up doing a bunch of things that Skip calls “Mission Creep”!! We’re heading out now – pick up plans, drop off plans, go to office, pick up check, go to bank, have lunch…. and probably a few other things constituting Mission Creep!!

  33. LOL! I didn’t read most of the comments on this or the other post yet, but wanted you to know I so get where you’re coming from.

    I shop when I have to, and stay home for days on end, usually extremely happy to be home, not dealing with stores and shopping and traffic. But DH (who has been home more in December than the rest of the year) can make a 6 mile trip to the grocery store in town take 2 hours+ on a quick shopping day!

    I so get where you’re coming from! LOL

  34. Anyone who reads your blog regularly should know there is a whole lot of love in your home!

  35. I guess some people just do not read and remember your stories on your blog. If anyone I know has a more loving relationship with their husband, I’d be surprised. Obviously, you care deeply about him or you wouldn’t bother to mention him in your posts! I too hate shopping. It’s okay if I know what I want and go with a list, but endless browsing just gives me sore feet, a sore back, and way too much junk when I’ve been trying to clean the house out! Hang in there Judy, and don’t let the turkeys get you down.

  36. Judy I feel your pain. My husband has been off work through the holidays too. I teach and don’t have to be back at work until the 2nd, normally Mark works between Christmas and New Years eve but not this year. I love him dearly but he does throw my routines off when he’s around all the time. lol

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