I remember the first time I heard Faith Hill and Tim McGraw singing “It’s Your Love“. Vince and I hadn’t been married long. He was living in Kentucky and I was still in Louisiana waiting to get custody issues worked out so Chad and I could move to Kentucky. I was in the car, on I-10 headed east from Lake Charles to Lafayette, Louisiana to fly out of Lafayette to Evansville, IN where Vince would meet me and we’d spend the weekend together. I loved that song and couldn’t wait for Vince to hear it. It seemed to say everything I felt. I still love that song and every time it plays on my iPod, I stop, listen and remember riding in the car that day and hearing it for the first time.
Now we’re at a different time in our life. Our marriage has survived some serious struggles. I know some of you think my life is a bed of roses (or maybe it was til a few months ago!) but we have our share of ups and downs. It’s real easy to get in a rut. Everything is familiar. Chad is gone . . it’s just the two of us. This move has been difficult. It was hard when Vince was back and forth in Texas and I was left in Missouri to handle all the inspections, repairs, appraisals, realtors, relo company.
I’ve never thought of divorce or anything like that. I did consider running away to Louisiana . . maybe I thought of that more than once but it would have been temporary . . only til Vince came to get me and promised to move back to Missouri. OK . . I was dreaming. That’s never going to happen!
Since we’ve been here in Texas (3 weeks, 6 days but who’s counting?), I’ve heard the song “Remind Me” by Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley. I love that song and it “fits” just as much as “It’s Your Life” did back early in our marriage. If you aren’t familiar with the song, read the words and then listen to the song. I love it!
When I think about life, I know we have to earn a living and do some housework and those with children at home still have a major job to do but what really matters more than being happy at home? I’ve always believed that when a husband comes home from work, he should enjoy the time he gets to spend with his wife and likewise, the wife should look forward to the husband coming home. I’m not saying it’s always that way at our home but it should be, and I want it to be more often.
Why am I writing all this? I don’t know! I played Remind Me for Vince yesterday afternoon and we both talked about how true it is and how easy it is to get in a rut. This is a time in our marriage where one chapter has closed (empty nest/new location) and a new chapter begins. I want the new chapter to be the best chapter yet . . rattlesnakes, green lizards and all! 🙂 The song, Remind Me, really spoke to me about keeping my marriage happy, fun and exciting. I just wanted to share . . maybe there’s one more wife out there who needs to hear that song. Even if your marriage is the best it can ever be or if you aren’t married at all, I think it’s still a great song!
Denise in PA says
Great post Judy! Good reminder to take a little time to put our marriages in the forefront more often – particularly for those of us who have been married for a while!
Judy Laquidara says
Is it kinda weird to you? I just never thought a whole lt about it but after listening to that song, realize how far we’ve come and how easy it was to get where we are today. It’s easy to stay in the rut but not difficult to go back where we once were.
Well said Judy.
Judy, I’m glad to hear this.
I know you’ve been through hell with this move. I can’t imagine having to deal with all you’ve had to deal with. (I live in the house I grew up in.)
But…net me capitalize that…BUT…our marriage is a gift from God to us. My husband and I will mark our 43rd anniversary this February. We’ve been through some really tough times together with parents, children, death of parents, illnesses of children (one so serious we thought we would lose her), marriages…you know, all the trials, joys and sorrows that life throws at you.
My mother’s advice to me when I got married (that I pass on to others) was, “Your children will come into your life, things will happen in your life. But your husband is your husband for life. Put him first.” It’s true.
yes. there is someone who needed to hear it. I am sure.
Debbie R. says
We are going through changes too, no move but he tried to retire too early, (I knew it couldn’t convince him) now he is working in an entirely different kind of job. Not only have my two girls grown up but the three grands (I watched all three from birth) are growing up. (this year no coming to gamma’s to catch the bus) So I don’t see them daily. Trying to find my way…… and we as a couple are finding out how to spend time alone together. (we both had children when we married 31 years ago) Does it ever get easy?
Don’t know about anyone else, but I took everything I learned from my first marriate of 24 years; hubby took his experience of 29 year marriage…and we’ve woven a beautiful marriage that is now 7 years young. Funny thing tho, I’m the wage earner and he makes my day beautiful. I still find it hard to wrap my head around, but it works!
I think you get exactly what you put into it. I’m first to say that I didn’t work hard enough during #1, so I’m making darn sure I don’t make the same mistake!
We do grow comfortable with each other and take each other for granted as we raise our children. Once they leave, it is hard to get back into the “it’s you and me” mind frame.
Larry and I are doing “Dating A-Z”. We started with the letter A and planned a date, spending as little money as possible. We went to an Arkansas State Park for a picnic and took walks–just spending time and relaxing. For “B” we had a backyard barbeque playing board games after a romantic dinner. For “C” we are planning a camping trip.
I would like to see all couples, especially those who have been married for years and years, jump aboard and do this. It would be great to read about each others dates and get ideas from one another.
I like the idea of dating A-Z.
Think I’m going to work on that!!
Shirley Albertson Owens (sao) says
Both songs are lovely and the lyrics touch each of our hearts. That CRAZY first love feeling is exciting but we could not possible maintain that and get anything done in our lives. (Marriage is just like Disneyland – it is exciting the first 6 times – and after that it is less exciting but still lots of fun.) I think many of us remember and mourn the loss of those FIRST YEARS. Most couples can evolve into a different kind of love that includes loyalty, appreciation and respect for each other, and enjoyment of fun times together. I like the DATING A to Z approach!
Thanks for sharing those songs, Judy.
sao in Midlothian, VA
I think all us married couples could use a little bit of a reminder once in a while. It’s easy to let the everyday living get in the way bit it good to stop, think and rekindle every once in a while.
I have Brad’s CD with Remind Me on it and you are so right…it’s a great, great song with a great message. My 17 year marriage officially ended last year (although it had been dead for long before that) and I am now in a new/old relationship (reunited with high school boyfriend). There is such a difference between the two men that it’s unbelievable. New/old guy truly makes the relationship a priority in spite of 3 kids, a FT day job, running his business, AND currently living 2000 miles away. He gives me, and our relationship, more attention and time than my ex did living under the same room for nearly two decades. Sadly, there was nothing, not even the most poignent song in the world, or my begging, crying, and pleading, that was ever going to convince my ex that he needed to put some effort into the relationship. It definitely takes both people making the marriage a priority or it just won’t work.
Thanks for a great post and a great reminder or what our priorities should be!
Marilyn S says
Judy, we just saw Tim McGraw &Faith Hill in Las Vegas two weeks ago. They sang “It’s Your Love” and it was totally incredible. Fantastic concert! We also love “Remind Me”. It is a good kick in the behind. I am sending this comment from Barcelona, Spain. Just the two of us and we are having a blast. It is our second trip here and we love it. Tomorrow we board a cruise ship and we are off to Italy for our fourth time. We adore Italy. We have never gone thru the moving situation. DH really went thru a hard time when the kids left home. We do miss them terribly. But, we are certainly enjoying our retirement and we find we so enjoy meeting so many new people from all over the world. We are having an absolute ball together in every sense. Life is wonderful!
We may be out of touch online after tomorrow morning. It is 5:30pm here in Spain.
I enjoyed reading your post about the songs and marriage. I have found that it takes two people working together to make a marriage a long, loving, lasting one. I have also found that the troubled times you go through can make a marriage even stronger. It is a second marriage for both my husband and me and it has lasted 42 years. He is several years older than I am and has Alzheimer’s dementia. Just this past summer he has had to go into a nursing home. Every time I visit him, I remember the good things about our marriage and the love we have for each other. I’m crying as I write this, but memories that are good will do that to me.
I can feel your tears in my heart. You are smart to remember the things you love and cherish from before he got ill.
God bless you.
I can feel your tears in my heart. You are a good woman with a relationship blessed beyond belief.
Oops, sorry, think I did it twice. My computer (or computer user) kinda did an oopsie!
Judy, I think you are so right! My song that fit with my husband and myself was “Still The One” by Shania Twain. I would like to express that the time we spend together with our best friend, spouse, is really the best gift of all.
kay in mn says
Right on! Thank you for sharing. Wonderful, gentle poke for me! K
Donna K. from N. TX aka Quilting Bear Gal says
What you say is so true. Just think, can you live without your loved one? Forever? No way! I’m hanging on to mine as long as I have a breath in my body. He means the world to me.
Harvest Moon by Neil Young
Good post, Judy. Isn’t it something how songs capture the essence of our lives as we go along. We always smile at each other and get a gentle poke (reminder) whenever we hear Harvest Moon. The lyrics are great and the harmonica riff isn’t bad either.
Different songs for different seasons of our lives.
Mary C in WA says
Going on 35 Years this Thanksgiving time. I told my DH “I don’t want to Train a New one”. Gotta love when our lives can be described in a Country Song! I have a long list of recent country songs that match my life…except for all those drinking songs…
Diana in TX says
Great post Judy. We just celebrated our 41st this past Monday. No not always a bed of roses but it’s those differences that help make a marriage stronger. It just takes work by both sides. We enjoy each others company, we also enjoy our time apart. It makes those times together more special. You know that from Vince traveling. I learned that as well when my DH was traveling 2-3 weeks every month. A marriage is a life long learning process.
my husband and i split fifteen years ago because we had forgotten each other in the whirl of having kids. Both of us remarried, i had two more kids. But neither worked – both were not the people we needed, (let us put that kindly, as both turned out to be terrible relationships, and quite damaging), and – well, we both pined for the other. We stayed close friends, raising our kids, and even with him showing love and care to my new ones, evenmore than their father managed. When i had the accident that left me disabled he was unfailing love and support. Finally one day i got the courage to tell him how much i missed him all these years. He said – what, you too? And now, well now we are the happiest couple around, with delighted family and friends, with the two youngest adoring their ‘second’ daddy (tbh, even more than their first, as he just doesn’t manage the effort that my dh does)…
And boy, have we learnt. Nothing, nothing will break us apart this time. We make time to be just a couple, and all those odd irritating habits? Bah, what do they matter, when you have a sense of perspective on what life is like without them.