Back when I was in school . . you know, walking 3 miles uphill in the snow to and from school . . except in southwest Louisiana, we rarely had snow and it’s flat . . no hills, but it was a long time ago when I was in school. My parents never told me that I had to make all A’s. They never told me I had to have Honor Roll. I just knew that they expected me to do my best. I suppose each individual can come up with what “my best” means. For me, it meant all A’s and I was pretty upset when I made even a B. Yes there were some and even an occasional C but, for the most part, I wanted to be the best I could be and I challenged and pushed myself.
I’m not sure today’s students do that and I get pretty frustrated with Addie because she just doesn’t care. It’s like every day is a new day for her. Oh, today is Friday. We have a spelling test? Yes, since kindergarten or first grade maybe, there’s a spelling test EVERY Friday! Today, Addie made a 100 on her spelling test. That is the first time since one week she was with me for a long weekend and we studied hard and she got all the words right.
Here’s my text with Addie this afternoon.
I don’t really care if she makes a 100 or an 80 or a 50, so long as she’s doing her best . . I want her to learn that the more effort she puts into anything, the better she will do. I want her to learn that studying isn’t something you do the day before the test. You start the day after the test and start working on next week’s words so when you sit down to take the test, there’s not even a chance you’re not going to get a good grade. I want her to know she can do anything she commits to doing and she can be anything she wants to be, so long as she is willing to work hard. Addie is probably never going to be a straight A student. She’s more of a “let’s paint our nails some glittery glow in the dark color, spray our hair purple and stay up all night watching youtube” kind of girl. That’s fine (not really but not much I can do about it) . . I just want her to see what happens when she works hard and spelling is purely memorizing. I know she can do that . . if she wants to. Hence . . the bribe. 🙂
pat Edinger says
that is a big mistake you doing she will want more and more money. it’s up to her parents to get her on track.
judy.blog@gmail.com says
We are all entitled to our opinions. I believe “it takes a village”. While I am careful to never overstep my bounds as a grandma, I remember, and have mentioned her often, the influence my grandparents had on me and I’ve said on here many times that I wouldn’t be the person I am today had it not been for my grandparents and the many things they taught me.
Addie’s parents do fine with her. I feel like whatever encouragement I can give her to be all she can be; to go the extra mile to do better, even if it means dangling a carrot every now and then . . it’s worth it for me and hopefully makes a difference in her life.
We sold a property in Texas that we loved, bought a house in MO at the peak of the real estate market when it was hard to find a house, moved 10 hours halfway across the country to be an active influence in her life and that’s how I intend to continue.
Donna in KS says
You are right, we are each entitled to our opinion on this (on most things)! Many of us have followed you long enough to know how important, impactful your Grandparents have been in your life. Mine were in specific ways also! I don’t think either of our grandparents became major influencers with dollars though. What husband and I did with our grandchildren may have cost us $s, but it wasn’t an “if you,,,,, I will give you $$$s” situation. I have rarely disagreed with you for quite a few years now, Judy!!
Cheryl Randleman says
I always got good grades in high school but it made a lasting BAD impression when I got a C in gym with all A’s and was kept off the honor roll because of it – I was NOT an athletic girl! My guess is you would probably have given her money for Christmas anyway! Hope your plan works!
judy.blog@gmail.com says
The beauty of the plan (as I see it) is that the ball is totally in her court. If it works or if it fails . . it’s all up to her.
I’m with you on the gym. I totally disliked gym – changing clothes in the locker room; sweating . . didn’t like it at all but thankfully, I never made a “C” in there. We had really nice gym teachers and that helped. I totally understand that you still remember that!
Denise Fischer says
Great idea, hopefully it’s motivating, and it’s not a bribe, it’s a reward for trying and working. I am a private tutor for reading and spelling. I can’t give them money, but encourage parents to reward their kids for their work. I had a student who wanted a bag of tortilla chips every week – lol. And she aced her spelling tests for that bag of chips every time.
Pat Anderson says
Grandparents have an exemption…my husband never gave our sons “rewards” but they were expected to do their best. Times change…in general, kids are being taught that it doesn’t matter…everyone gets a “participation” reward. My husband gives our grandsons $20 every time they make the honor roll (pretty much after every report card). I say kudos to you for trying to teach values! Kids can never have too much incentive to do good! (and I know you are teaching her lots of good values that have nothing to do with money!)
judy.blog@gmail.com says
Thank you. That’s so true that everyone gets the participation trophy so why try but I want her to do better, be the best she can be. I feel like most of my readers understand my feelings/thoughts.
Toni says
I think your granddaughter and mine could be kindred spirits! I think they’re about the same age – mine will be 13 in December and they sound very similar. I’m always trying to get them off their devices and read but I’m not successful. Nonetheless, I continue to give them books for various occasions. Maybe someday it will click!
judy.blog@gmail.com says
Yes, when I get frustrated with her, I think back and I’m sure my grandma got frustrated with me at that age. Of course, we didn’t have cell phones but I had a phone with my own number in my room (reward for good grades). We got our driver’s license at 15 so on my birthday I got a Mustang and my license. That was crazy but I survived so I pray our granddaughters will too.