Patchwork Times by Judy Laquidara logo

My Crazy Husband

Vince cracks me up. This is a bit off color but now that we’ve had Oscar’s bathroom discussion, I might as well share this.

Yesterday Vince came into the kitchen and asked if I had a safety pin. I always pin my socks together when I take them off so I’m not having to match socks and I use little gold colored safety pins. I keep them in a little jar in the bathroom. Take the socks off. Pin them together. Take the clothes out of the dryer, go to the bedroom to fold them, unpin the socks and put the pins back in the jar.

I went and got him a little gold safety pin and he said “No, I need a bigger pin. My pants (sweatpants) have lost the string to tie and they keep falling down so I’m going to pin them.” I told him there might be a bigger pin in the cutting table drawer down in the sewing room. He went downstairs and I never thought anything about it.

Later, Chad, Nicole and Addie were over and Vince was reclined back in his chair and there was this “thing” sticking up under his shirt. I did a double take and almost said “WHAT IS GOING ON UNDER THERE?” but thought . . hopefully no one else noticed. I forgot about it. Then last night we were downstairs and he was laying back in his chair and his shirt was up a little and there it was again.

He had taken a big rubberband, pulled up all the excess in the waist of those pants and wrapped that rubberband around it over and over, kinda like a pony tail if you wrapped the rubberband from your scalp to the tip of the ponytail .. it would stick out like a sore thumb.

I said “Vince . . please don’t do that again!” He had even gone to three different neighbors’ house like that. Oh, my goodness . . I hope no one noticed. Vince is going to get a bad reputation around the neighborhood.

I suppose if I see a pair of sweatpants come through the laundry and the string is missing, I best just toss those in the trash and bury the before he notices they’re in the trash.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. That is funny. I don’t know if I told you the story of when I was going to Texas State Technical College or not, but there was a guy there who was always rude to others and one day he threatened one of the teachers. And not a mild threat either. They were going to expel him. They had made a rule that no one should be wearing sweat pants to school because people were coming in there every day to look for prospective employees. This guy had been in the Army and had dived off the short end of the pool. Stupid move!! He hit his head and caused a brain injury and he was being retrained in computers. Anyway, on the day he was going to be expelled he wore regular jeans. He had unbuttoned them when he sat down because they were uncomfortable to him. They told him he had to leave and he argued with them. Then finally he stood up and his pants fell down! We were all trying so hard not to laugh and hid our faces. I know it was probably not funny to him to show his underwear like that but he did deserve it. He had been rude and obnoxious to all of us. When we retold the story to others on campus, the one thing they wanted to know was “was his underwear clean”! None of us looked that close because we were covering our faces. I felt sorry for the Algebra teacher when he made him go outside and that happened. He was grinning when he came back in and said “ok folks, we have had our show, now back to studies.” He was trying so hard not to laugh. I sort of felt sorry for the nut job but not that much.
    Merry Christmas!!

  3. Ho, ho, ho ! That is so very funny! The neighborhood ladies must have wondered . . .

  4. When my daughter was about 18 months old, I had to take my mothers 18 yr old blind and deaf dog to the vet for a check up because my mother didn’t drive. I had on a long skirt with an elastic waist. It was an old skirt and the elastic was a bit on the looser side, but it was very comfortable. Well while I am holding the dog on the table for the vet to check him over my daughter tugged on my skirt and said “ woo woo” and it fell straight to the floor. I was mortified and the vet started laughing. I couldn’t let the dog go because he was blind and I didn’t want him to fall, but I couldn’t reach to the floor to pick up my skirt while I was holding the dog and the vet was in hysterics and didn’t help. It was probably only seconds that I was half naked but it felt like so much longer. I giggle about it now but at the time I near died with embarrassment.
    Kind regards
    Kellie

  6. We had a pilot friend who was tall and skinny. Right after 9-11 when security at the airport was nuts, he was asked to raise his hands for a pat down. He did and his pants fell down! He was traveling for vacation, so he didn’t have his uniform on or a belt. He was kind of a character, so he made light of it and had all the people around him laughing.

  8. My parents are both deceased now, but quite a few years ago, they had gone to visit my Dad’s brother (who lives in a group home). My Dad was using a walker, and as they were leaving his pants fell down. My Mom just stood there and laughed at him. One of the staff at the group home ran out and pulled them back up for him. (pretty sure they were used to stuff like that.) When Mom told me about it, my first statement (after I stopped laughing) was “I hope he had underwear on.” After that he frequently wore both a belt and suspenders…LOL–so it could be worse…

Discover more from Patchwork Times by Judy Laquidara

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading