I’m not writing this so you can think I was an amazing parent. I was NOT! If I could do it all over again from the beginning, I think I could do a much better job but that’s from hindsight and experience. I’m also not saying Chad is perfect or that he does everything right.
Those of you who were reading the blog during his high school and college years will remember that life at our house was not always a bed of roses. For the most part, it wasn’t horrible. Nothing criminal, drugs or really bad stuff (that I know of) but lots of calls from the school and teachers, bad grades, homework and assignments not being done, curfews missed – just overall doing what he wanted to do and knowing how far to push us and the school and . . the mouth. There was the incident where he “accidentally” shot a teacher in the behind with a rubber band. 🙁
After he graduated from high school, I remember telling him . . I’m proud of you that you didn’t get in too much trouble in school. He mumbled something and I said “What did you say?” and he repeated it and it was something like . . if only you knew the whole story. He proceeded to tell me some things and I said NO! I don’t want to hear more.
I think he’s a great dad . . they’re always doing fun things with Addie. So long as he’s a good dad, treats Nicole right and provides for his family . . that about enough to make me happy.
This morning he called and wanted to talk to me about canning. He said that instead of planting a few plants of all kinds of different things, he’s going to plant his whole garden in green beans and he wants to learn to can them.
I can remember Chad complaining immensely about my chickens, my garden, my canning. Sometimes I would ask him for help rounding up the chickens of doing something in the coop. At the end of the gardening season, I’d ask him to help me pull the plants out of the ground. Sometimes I’d ask him to help me carry the jars of canned food downstairs. It wasn’t like I was asking him to do an unreasonable amount of work. But, oh . . the amount of complaining and huffing and puffing!
Now, he has chickens, he has a garden, he wants to can. Vince did woodturning with Chad and now Chad does woodturning and other woodworking.
Vince and I were talking this morning and I told him . . you never know what influence you’ll have on kids. Chad might never have had chickens, or a garden or interest in canning had he not been raised with it but even after having lived that lifestyle, he still may not have done it but I’d like to say that he now sees the value in some of the things I did. Same with woodturning. Vince shared his love of working with wood and now Chad loves it too.
I do hope this little testimonial will give parents and grandparents hope if you’re going through times with your kids or grandkids, when things seem worrisome and you wonder if there’s hope . . keep doing what you believe, stay firm, pray for your kids and grandkids. Always share things with them, whether it’s hobbies, lifestyle, words, thoughts, concerns . . you never know if they’re gong to truly hear what you’re saying and IF they do hear it, will they promptly forget it or will that little seed get planted somewhere and many years later . . sprout and surprise you!
Elle says
I never had children. I consistently tell parents, your kids will come around eventually to what you taught them and/or made them do when they were children. Hang in there.” I think I turned out OK and I did naughtier things than than you’ve shared Chad did 😉
Vivian says
I always told myself, “Teach a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” It’s adapted from the Bible, and I always prayed it was right!! My first-born was trouble from when I brought him home from the hospital. From 3 months of colic, where I slept in 2-hour increments, to being fired from a job in high school, to smoking….you name it. My worst depression was realizing, in his late 20’s, early 30’s, he thought I didn’t like him and wouldn’t even carry on a conversation with me. He didn’t shut me out – just would only carry on a conversation with his dad. One day on Facebook, I found a meme saying something about loving my son. I sent it to him, and he replied that he was pleased to know it, because he was never sure. That shocked me!! I had no idea. Since then, we’ve been able to become closer. I’ve made it a point to let him know that I DO love him, and it’s smoothed things out immensely.
At the same time, it DID take him a long time to grow up. He was in his late 30’s before I thought he’d finally settled down. Even after being married for 5 years he wasn’t being the man he needed to be. He’s now in his mid-40’s and I now don’t expect to get calls from debt-collectors, old girlfriends or his wife, telling me something he’s done.
Everyone complains girls are the hardest to raise, but my son was 10 times harder than either of my girls. Nuf said!!! 🙂
Linda Garcia says
It’s always a good time in life when you realize that your children have turned into decent, productive adults. For some, it takes time to get to that point. My 2 oldest were a trial as youngsters, but now that they are in their 40’s, they are doing great. That’s a “whew” moment for parents.
Stephani in N. TX says
I’ve heard it so often, that kids are never sure their parents love them. I was the middle of 5 kids, so often not sure of anything. My mother and I fought constantly when I was a teenager. My parents divorced so there’s a back story. We made better friends when I turned about 20, and were good friends into her old age. I like to make sure I tell my children and grandchildren how wonderful they are and that I love them. Don’t think you can say it too often when life is pretty rocky.
Elana Goldberg says
You give us all hope, yes indeed! My middle son has lots of tales to tell. At only 24 years old, the jury’s still out on his adult path. He’s still struggling to find the right college, major etc. I hope one day to see him with kids, raising chickens and even green beans!! I would be one proud mama to see that!
judy.blog@gmail.com says
Elana: I hope the same thing for your son. These are such hard times to be a young adult.
Martha Michael says
Amen!