Normal is a word that seems to have no meaning to me now. The only thing that would be “normal” is if we could go back to a time before all this started and either stay at that point or somehow not have the virus. Neither can happen. The powers that be say this will end some day. Will it? These same people said “Don’t wear masks. They may make things worse!” They could have said “Don’t scarf up all the N95 masks. Save those for the medical personnel. Make yourself a mask and use this or that as a filter.” No . . they said “Don’t wear a mask!” Now they’re saying “We didn’t realize how contagious it was.” Then maybe they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing. So, how am I supposed to believe them when they say “this will someday end”.
We had clean sheets on our bed last night. I crawled into bed thinking how nice clean sheets smell and then I thought . . I shouldn’t enjoy this. There are sick people on ventilators who will not make it through the night. There are doctors and nurses risking their own lives to help others get better. Why should I be luxuriating in my own bed with clean, sweet smelling sheets?
This morning, as I made my way to the kitchen to think about breakfast, I felt lucky to have the foods we have, and an adequate kitchen for cooking. There are people who are homeless or those who can’t pay their rent or mortgage and even though foreclosures and evictions are hopefully stopped for now, at some point, they’re going to have to pay the piper.
I walked into my bathroom. My comb, my toothbrush, my bath robe . . everything is right where it’s been for the almost 9 years we’ve lived here. It’s normal but nothing is really normal any more.
I think about people who have lost their jobs or, have been “furloughed”. I think of all the people who worked at Hobby Lobby stores across the country who now have no paycheck. I think of my trips to MO and every single time, I comment to Vince what a huge percentage of the 18 wheelers on I-44 are Hobby Lobby trucks. Those drivers are idle. Every single person probably has bills to pay, food to buy, children who have birthdays coming up and no money for a present and definitely no party!
Life is tough for too many people.
Who could have seen this coming and who would have imagined things would be like they are today? It was probably the middle of February when a friend and I kept saying “Do you have this? Should you buy that?” as we tried to plan what we might need in the event things got bad. It was about that same time that I asked Chad and Nicole to buy extra food and supplies . . just in case. Even with the feeling I had, I was thinking short term and had no idea how many businesses would be shut down; how many schools would be closed (which I guess is EVERY school in the country); how many people would lose their jobs and most importantly, how many people would lose their lives.
I am thankful for so many things now. I’m thankful that we are all healthy. I’m thankful that Vince is retired and not having to go to work with all this going on. I’m thankful we don’t have to fear losing a paycheck. I’m thankful that Chad and Nicole are both considered “essential” and still have their jobs/paychecks. I’m thankful that Nicole’s mom is off work and Addie is able to stay with her.
Things are good, relatively speaking, for us. Just like enjoying those clean sheets last night, there’s no joy to be had knowing that so many are hurting so badly.
I pray, probably more than I’ve ever prayed. I pray for those who are hurting, those who are scared. I pray for the children who have no idea what’s going on but just know mom and dad are scared and there’s no school. I pray for our leaders. Our President. The leaders of other countries affected. I pray for Governors, for County Judges. People are having to make hard, painful decisions. We’re in uncharted territory. Do something to help one person and it ruins someone else. I pray for doctors, nurses, first responders, custodians at health care facilities, pharmacists, support staff.
I pray and pray. I get up. Everything around me looks normal but nothing is normal.
Every day I write several blog posts. I try to put a positive spin on it. No one comes here to read about my troubles. I want to be a bright spot in a very dark, dreary land. Please don’t take my posts, my attempt at living a somewhat normal life to mean that I am unaware of what’s going on around me. I want to share knowledge — whatever little bit I might have to offer. I want to share joy but honestly, I’m having to dig very deep to find it these days.
I will carry on. You will carry on. We will get through this . . together. That’s what they tell us!