By Vince:
Life is a constant struggle of weighing what is important for the short term versus the long term. One can be so caught up in the day to day that they lose sight of long term goals. On the contrary, if one only plans for the future, they can forget to live in the day to day. For the most part, short term activities should support long term goals. It’s when they don’t and/or have not been taken into account during long term planning that conflict can arise.
I have always thought it was important to have financial stability in retirement. Now retired and, forgoing a major catastrophe, we should be able to afford the necessities of life until we move on to greener pastures. However, it appears we are in one of those conflict situations where it’s hard to determine the best course of action and it all revolves around moving. During my retirement planning, I never considered all the external factors that would influence when and where we would retire. If you currently live close to family and a place you call home, finding a place to retire might be easy. But when you live hundreds of miles away from family and nothing around you reminds you of home, some trade offs have to be made.
I am not going to reiterate my wants vs needs post, but that’s pretty much what it comes down to. It’s hard sometimes to distinguish a want from a need, especially when emotions come into play. I am willing to be flexible but not to the point where it could impact long term financial stability. The time to consider changes to one’s long term plans is when one is working and has a dependable income. When one is on a fixed retirement income, modifying longer term goals is a bit more challenging and it requires trade offs. Something has to be given up for something to be added unless one is willing to take more risks. Reading the headlines lately, it doesn’t appear now is a good time to raise one’s risk tolerance, especially when living on a retirement income.
If you are in or nearing retirement, I suggest you watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OFaZcC0lRU&t=725s
In my mind, it does a good job of framing the current financial situation in the US.
For now, I am going to stay conservative, be more focused on being grateful for what we have so moving will have to take a back seat for awhile longer.
Susan Torrens says
My husband was in the Canadian Air Force for his whole career. When he decided to retire, we decided to live where we were happy. Both of our sons asked if we were going to move closer to them, but real estate in their areas was much more expensive than the town we had planned for our retirement. One lives 2 1/2 hours away, and one 4 1/2 half hours away. If we had spent our funds on housing, we would have had a much narrower retirement, and we would have had to find new doctors, dentists and other services that we use regularly. Our choice of place was somewhere that we had been stationed during his service. We both had friends in the community, and felt very comfortable. Where we live is big enough to have a large hospital, which is the area cancer, stroke and cardiac centre for the outlying areas. We have a university, community college, local theatre, and tons of activities that we enjoy. I belong to the quilt guild, and my husband and a friend play guitar, sing and tell terrible jokes to various nursing homes, rehab centres and senior retirement residences in the area. We live near the lake, and have many beautiful parks with walking trails to enjoy. We visit our family members often, especially now that we have grandchildren, but we also love to live where we are!
We had lots of time to consider our choices, and lived in many parts of the country, so after 34 years of moving, we knew when we were “home”.
Vincent Laquidara says
Thanks for sharing Susan..sounds like you made the right decision. V
dezertsuz says
All good points, Vince. Sometimes, with all the planning one does, something unexpected happens, but if you have good planning in place, you can usually survive it. =)
Debbie says
While I understand your financial concerns, if I could suggest a perfect arrangement for all, it would entail having children and grandchildren within spittin’ distance…… we have a society now that has a lack of the familial base that provided children the guidance of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I missed my Grandmother and her knowledge because of the distance from her being so great. My Hubby and I will not move away from our Grandchildren. They need our guidance, love, and listening ears. If I had to sell everything and live a little more meagerly, in order to be able to hug them daily and be their listening ears, I would sell fast. We are Nuclear Engineering nomads, so you Vince should know we have had to travel, but our hearts and home live in 3 munchkins I could not be far from. This is just my view, but, if I had to have a smaller house, I would look at it as just less to clean…maybe a smaller yard to mow….
Judy Laquidara says
Ahhh . . someone who understands my feelings! I agree completely.
Debbie says
Vince, I don’t mean to be a pain, but, I watched the video you linked, and from the first, all I felt was doom and gloom. Yes, we are all living longer, and yes, we all have to manage our incomes in very different ways from our parents and grandparents, but, we are also victims of our own success, so to speak. I won’t get started on how our government has ABUSED us…. I don’t know your family dynamics, meaning your parents, siblings, etc…..but, I have read this blog for years, and spoken up about 3 times that I can remember. I have felt, every time I read your posts, that I was dealing with my own husband, and Judy was like me when dealing with family and wanting to be near them, being parents, grandparents, children, siblings, etc. If nothing else, please take to heart what I am writing as trying to help keep things in perspective.
My Great Great Uncle is a past president of Clemson University, as a matter of fact, there is a building named for him. My husband is a graduate of Northwestern University, and well, I never got to complete my degree. So, again, our paths in life have a similar vein.
Then, with my hubby being a nuclear engineer, since there are very few nuclear facilities in this country, we have had to move, always away from our families, in order to keep employed. I see you all have had to move for employment, so again, another similarity. Our children hated moving, but they had no choice, but they sure let us know how unhappy they were.
But, we have suffered and my children have suffered from not being able to have a close relationship with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles….something I was able to have, although sparse, but when I was growing up my relatives all lived within the same state, so we could see relatives about once every 3 or 4 months…not great, but, they were there.
I am a Genealogist, and I do lots of client work, and I have never ever had a client express to me that they were so glad they lived far from family and home and that they were beyond happy that they never took the initiative to move close to grandchildren or other relatives. I always hear they are seeking out the family they never knew, and wished they had listened to stories told by family a lot more closely, and they always regret having to visit cemeteries, because that is the only memory they will ever have of a family member. And, they want to know where they came from.
I know you like videos, and I have known about a Harvard Study that I am sure you will research and learn more about…..but, it goes to the heart of the matter. I am not ever going to tell another couple how to live their lives, but, I do have the experience and knowledge, to give some good solid advice….
I have a hubby who did not have a close family relationship, ever. He was quite the loner when we met 36 years ago, because his family was not very functional. But over the years, having been exposed to my family dynamics, and having spent times in cemeteries, archives, etc with me, while I do my research, he has a different analysis of his childhood. He can not imagine being away from our grandkids and our kids, and he adores my parents, and would and has done anything he can to help them. Meanwhile, his own mother is 100 years old, and disowned him 23 years ago….and we don’t know why.
So Vince, just for another perspective, and to answer what really makes a happy life, please watch this video, and do some more research, and know, I am not telling anyone what to do, but, I hope another perspective, that sometimes a spouse cannot explain to the satisfaction of another spouse what they are thinking and feeling, helps in your decision making….. I am sorry if I am a thorn in a side, I don’t mean to be….but I hope this helps…
Watch….
Judy Laquidara says
That’s a great video. Thanks!
Debbie says
You are very welcome!
Dianne says
Thanks for the link to the video, Vince. That’s a good video and most people never think about those types of things.Today’s world we live in is totally different era than our grandparents time. Spending time with our children and grandchildren are very important. Financially prepared and being prepared for anything in our future is important too. It is not all about money and things but in today’s world it’s good to be that way, prepared.
I totally understand wanting to be closer to our children and grandchildren and I understand where Judy is coming from. This is just where we are right now, everyone is different. We have lived in various places for several years, we have lived in various cities/states. For a period of time, we sold our house and I traveled with my husband and his job, we lived in corporate housing. Our daughter was in college and she traveled in Europe for a semester. Do we miss our daughter, son in law and 2 grandchildren?? Oh my, ABSOLUTELY. every single day!!…In their 12 years of marriage they have lived in 5 different places (3 different states). We’ve talked about moving where they have lived, Change jobs, change doctors, which are very important due to my health issues. Now, I would LOVE to live closer than a 6 hour drive each way, which is what it is now. I have to remind myself, that it’s not a plane trip over 2 days. It was that way for 2 years and our 1st grandchild was born that far away. Closer would be better and I’d love it so much!! For now, we’ve made the decision to stay where we are due to jobs and doctors. We visit the children and grandchildren when we can get there or they get here. When we know the grandchildren have activities at school or extra-curricular activities, we make plans to be there. It makes those times very special and very special when they come visit in the summer. One day things may change but for now…we are blooming where we are planted and making trips to another state to visit…..