There was a time when every single time I said something on the blog about needing time and space to myself, I’d get comments saying things like .. be thankful he’s still alive; and you should be grateful he’s healthy and still with you. OK. I am thankful and I am grateful but dang it .. he’s about to drive me insane. This house is too small. We need a basement. I’m not crazy about northeast Arkansas (still farther from Chad than I want to be) but if that’s what it takes to get a basement and a space where I can go . . then let’s start packing.
Honestly, at least 20 times a day, he says “What are you doing?” and another 20 times, he says “Where are you going?” Of those 20 times, the answers are the same every day because I’m a creature of habit:
- 5 – 6 times – going to the bathroom
- 2 -3 times – going to spend time with Boots, which is really saying “to spend time alone!”
- 4 – 5 times – to fix dinner or to check on dinner
- 4 – 5 times – to take Rita out.
For goodness sakes, if the dog is at the door whining, and I’m getting up, where does he think I’m going?
Just now, I picked up my phone. He said “What are you doing?” I looked at him and almost said “You HAVE to get a job!” I grinned. He said “What are you thinking?” I said “I almost said “You HAVE to get a job” and then thought better of it but now you’ve made me say it!
I was picking up my phone to post a picture I had taken so I explained that to him. Then he wanted to know what was the picture? Where was I posting it?
I said “Vince, I have to have some amount of time to myself every day. Even if you’re sitting across the room . . just pretend you aren’t here and stop asking me so many questions!” He said “You had all morning to yourself!” NO! He went outside to set up a sprinkler. He was outside for less than half an hour.
He needs a hobby. He needs a friend. He needs a bigger house. I need to spend more time in the sewing room! 🙂
Carolyn Sullivan says
OH GIRL! I know what you mean. Although my DH isn’t quite that bad… still I would like to be able to read a book, w/o company.
Ann says
I can relate. Does he read? I got hubby a kindle and that has kept him busy. He also finally found a coffe group.
Carolyn says
I’ve had the same problem in the past few months until I changed my response. Where are you going? To the restroom to see how many squares of toilet paper remain on the roll. What are you doing in the sewing room? Taking an inventory of my bent pins and dull needles. Ask me a stupid question and I’m going to hand over a stupid answer. He’s not two years old and I’m not going to be accountable for every move I make during the day.
Tricia says
Reading your posts is like watching a comedy show. Keep the episodes coming!
Mary says
I totally understand. I have told my husband that I don’t really care where he goes, but he needs to get up every morning and go somewhere! He restores old cars and has lots of car buddies, his shop is about 30 minutes away from home, so thank heavens he can go over there. I have even quit fussing about how much he spends on cars and car parts since it keeps him busy and out from under my feet!
Nelle Coursey says
I completely understand your feelings! Please come back to knitting! We haven’t had a full table in a long time. You have been missed each and every time. You would be welcomed back with open arms. He could stay home and tend to his rat killing and you could go out and have fun and some girl time! I know when Pat was sick the last time if I had not had you all to see each week I would have gone crazy. Well, crazier than I am now!
Janet Bland says
Maybe Vince can join a civic club. My husband is in Kiwanis. While it is only one day a week, it is a couple hours that I have to myself. And they do projects which occasionally amounts to more time apart.
Diana Stewart says
It is rare that Galen is home in the morning. He takes off most mornings and goes out by himsrkf or with others looking to photograph birds Butterflies and Dragonflies. He gets home around 1!!! And then if he got pictures he spends a good portion downloading and editing. Tomorrow he is going with a friend to San Marcos. Sunday they are going to Uvalde!! Retirement has not been a problem here? But then he has been retired since June 2001. We have had plenty of time to adjust!
Rosalie says
Time to start quilting again!
Wanda Jordan says
Yes he questions ‘remind me when our children were little . ” Whst are you doing mommie?” Especially when you were in bathroom and they outside the bathroom door. Husband’s- kids all about he same . Remember the show Mork and Mindy . Where he gets here old and gets younger well that is our husband’s
Susan says
Gosh, Paul and I would have driven each other crazy for sure, in our 300 sq. ft. or less 5th wheel, if we had been like that – either of us!
Jen says
Oh funny. My dad does this to my mom all the time. But, when she asks him where he is going….his response is “I live here, did you forget?” Maybe you can give Vince that response.
carolyn says
Wow…the houses we’re looking at are small…this is why I told Lee he’s not allowed to retire…EVER!!!
Dorothy Matheson says
I guess I am lucky in a way. He retired way before I did. 15 years older. So he had plenty of time to get his habits in place. He goes to his room and his chair and sits way too much of the day. Computer and TV right there. He has been tracing his ancestry. And he loves to read books. Murder Mysteries and Cozy Mysteries especially with animals in them.
I too have a separate sewing room outside my house. I also have a huge garden and right now it is hard to keep alive. Lots of hand watering. Very brown here now.
So He doesn’t bother me. And I am lucky he is still alive.
Sharon says
Mine refused getting a smart phone for quite awhile. Though I love mine it seems the best use he has if his is calling me when out of his sight. Ian’s he retired without hobbies. Since he has milk Parkinson’s I try to be patient but it is difficult to feel like you are constantly being monitored
Mary M says
OMG! Same here! I can be literally 15 feet away from him in the front bedroom. And he will come to the door to ask me if I am ok. Like maybe I’m trapped? Dying and can’t make a sound? I don’t know. Maybe I can send my guy to play with your guy.
Donna in KS says
My husband retired young,in 1998. Moving into a larger house has helped….I still have my struggles! Getting out of the house by myself is my biggest challenge! I’ll deal with the challenges as long as I can keep him!!! As will you!! We do need to commiserate occasionally, don’t we.
danielle says
Every. Freaking. Time. I. Walk. Out. Of. The. Room…..or if I am at the laptop – what are you looking at?
So I have started doing it to him.
But – typical male – he does not get it.
Deborah Rhodes says
I miss leaving the house alone he hates shopping and I love it but still he has to come along like when he retired I forgot how to drive I need some recharging time.
Linda in NE says
Just pretend you’re deaf. Maybe if you don’t answer he’ll quit asking so many questions. While I had kids to raise and a part-time job I had lots of un-supervised time to myself over the past 40 yrs. or so and I don’t need close supervision now.
Rebecca in SoCal says
My husband recently said that he’s not ready to retire because he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. I guess we need to work on getting him a hobby!