This potential move to Arkansas is really causing turmoil . . inside my head and inside this house! I’m not sold on moving there. Vince is ready to go today. When we were there looking at houses, he found a two bedroom house . . an older house with white painted cabinets (which he knows I don’t want), but it had a nice shop. It was a very nice shop but no basement, no sewing room, when Chad, Nicole and Addie come to visit, we’d be short a bedroom. I was trying to be nice in front of the people (it was for sale by owner) but Vince was saying “I really like this house! What do you think?” Hmm . . I like it just fine but not for us. I didn’t want to hurt the people’s feelings but . . no! We have a list of what we want and there was nothing about that house that was on our list.
If we move to Vince’s fav spot in AR, I’m still going to be 3.5 to 4 hours from Addie. Real estate prices have gone up there and it’s hard to even buy a house before someone snatches it up. My goodness . . why does it have to be ONE town that he wants to live in? The prices are high. The houses are, for the most part, older. Lakefront houses are a bit farther out of town than Vince wants to go. We want a lot but he wants to pay way less than most are asking. I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall.
Yesterday the realtor sent us the utility bills for a house that Vince was interested in. The listing agent was going on and on about the low utility bills. It does have propane but the lowest electric bill was $180 and the highest was nearly $300. What? That is not low in my book . . especially for a house that’s supposed to be so energy efficient and has two older people living in it.
It really doesn’t matter . . I just don’t really want to move there. I like my little house where we have no utilities of any kind to pay. Granted, we invested money in the solar panels and the well or septic tank could need repairs or, at some point, we could have to pay for internet but for now, we’re in a sweet spot.
What I do want to do is buy a small house in MO, close to Chad . . close as in next door would be fine. Keep our house here . . stay there half the time; stay here half the time (plus one day!); remain Texas residents for tax purposes. Vince could go, Rita could go, Boots could go . . someone would have to feed Cat and we’d get rid of the chickens.
If Chad moves, we just sell our little house and buy one where ever he moves. We won’t have a lot of furniture or anything there . . just the necessities. There’s a whole lot less chance of them moving now that he has changed jobs.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. One one hand, I feel like I moved anywhere Vince needed to go for work so now I should have a say in where we live. On the other hand, I feel like he worked, made a good living for us, I was able to stay home and do whatever I pleased all day and now he should be able to retire wherever makes him happy. I really can be happy anywhere. I’m not worried about moving somewhere and not being happy. As long as I have internet, my knitting and hopefully sewing again some day, I’ll be fine.
I guess I just don’t feel like financially, moving to Arkansas is the right move now. We added up last night what it would cost us to live there, that it doesn’t cost us here . . water if the house doesn’t have a well (many do), electricity, internet, personal property taxes, state income tax, etc. and it’s right at $1,000/month. I just don’t see a $1,000 per month quality of life improvement but . . what do I know.
After our talk last night, Vince did call the realtor in MO about a house I had already talked to her about so . . I am hopeful . . just a little bit. He once told me “I am not buying a house in MO. I don’t care if they’re giving them away!” That makes no sense because if they’re giving them away, you don’t need to BUY it but the fact that he called the realtor . . surely that means he’s thinking about the house I found. Time will tell.
So . . I’ve just vented to you all. I don’t expect anyone to solve this issue . . someone please just tell me all these feelings are normal.
Valerie Zagami says
I think they are very normal and think of what you have and what is out there and at what cost? I think I would be unsure after all the thinking and comparing. The time will come when you both know and are sure and will be happy. Now it is good to look and see what is and what is not you are willing to settle for. It will happen when it happens! This is from someone who does not like change, big decisions or being sure of myself but it is my new motto!!
Teri says
They are normal. Lots of pros and cons. Don’t let it stress you out where it’s no longer fun to even look at places.
Linda in NE says
I’d say all the feelings & conflicts are normal. And sadly none of us can solve them for you. Though really, I don’t see why Vince can’t look in some other spot that might have more selection and possibly at a better price.
Diann Smith says
I’m older than you I believe and we went through the where to move and ended up living in KY near our daughter, sil, grandchildren. Now more years have gone by and glad we moved closer because now all kind of medical things are popping up where we need transport to doctors and various and sundry stuff. Never thought about that on our first idea to move. Now it has really worked out. We love our grands and have them often and are close enough to enjoy life together but far enough apart to have our own life too. We would have had to move for the THIRD time if we had gone with our original idea. Just a thought……good luck on what you choose.
Donna Williams says
It IS perfectly normal. I’ve been a gypsy most of my life and I’ve seen pretty much what I wanted to see, and like you, there is conflict here because before the nerve in his wrist died and he couldn’t play golf any more there was no reasonnot to move home, to the kids and their kids. home. so we tangled around a bit but darnit I got my wish I am home. All of ours are grown and have children, and we told them and meant it – we are not going to intrude on any of the plans that you all have with your in laws, outlaws, whatever, but we will work together to spend more time together and enrich each other’s lives. And so far, 4 years, right here in Woo Pig Sooie land, Fayetteville AR, we are finally home and I am finally at peace. He is too, but he would never admit it.
I so hope you both can find what’s right for you and your family. Donna W
Nelle Coursey says
I think all your feelings are normal! Maybe not for someone else, but they are normal for you. You are the one going through this. Have you thought about Tennessee? Is that anywhere near Chad? I am not looking at a map!!
Nelle Coursey says
I have a dear friend in Tennessee that is a realtor. She lives in the northeastern part of Tenn. The pictures she has sent me are beautiful. I can give you her name if you want me to.
cassews says
You are as normal as you feel .. We are thinking of moving to Nevada of all places .. He doesn’t wanna pay taxes …sigh what ?? Okay when we retire then lets think about it .. NO now he tells me- so okay lets take some trips in the trailer when we get it back from Warranty and go from there … So He’s lining up trips for us to go on – an Adventure in the lives of us .. hahahahaha
dezertsuz says
Very normal. You have invested a lot in your current house – money and emotions. You planted trees that are just now coming to maturity. You’ve built a lifestyle you like. You know people. You know what businesses are good and which aren’t. You have everything you need and most of what you want … except Addie. Trading all that, you better get one fabulous deal!
Helen B says
Change is difficult. I’m a pretty content person, comfortable almost anywhere I am. Earlier this year we gave half a thought to moving and I got kind of excited. (Moving for us meant across town — I’ve lived in this city my whole life and don’t plan to leave the area.) Our kids don’t live close, but I won’t move nearer to them — visit yes, move no.
Good luck on figuring out your needs/wants/etc.
Dar in NC says
Your feelings are perfectly normal. I feel your pain having just done this exact thing…. I thought about how it happened for us, the execution of it being very different from how you and Vince are doing it; what would I say here to help? I think it would be this: with all the parameters/wants/wishes, etc. that we had and the searching and searching in a very desirable area where houses, like you’re finding, are sold before you can even see them…. it came down to this… Just how close did HE want to be to the grandkids who were currently 10 hours away (the whole reason for moving in our case)?? I could find houses that fit the number one criteria for him: PRICE!!! I could not find houses in that price range within an hour’s drive of the kids. And having sold our house almost immediately, we had to be out in 8 months. Once I got him to address that issue, he had to increase the budget and expand his limited vision (seriously, he wanted it all but on a very unrealistic budget for the area), because he wanted to be close enough for the day to day things (as did I but he wasn’t listening for the first 3 months of searching). So I would ask you… why are you moving? If it’s to be near Addie, then BE NEAR ADDIE. For now, the dual residency option you’ve considered sounds very reasonable. You retain the Texas home you love…. you buy/rent something close to Addie for now….. and you see what that looks like in a year. That’s how I wanted to do it but my husband wouldn’t even discuss that idea. Then once that’s done, Vince can keep looking for the perfect home in the location he loves in place of the Texas home, and would be close enough when in MO to maybe swoop in fast enough before it’s gone. Hope that helps… oh and, my grandbabies are 12 minutes away and I wouldn’t change that for anything!
Pamela C says
I know that when something is right for me, I can feel it in my gut. I think we need to listen to that instinct. I think when you have many mixed emotions, something isn’t just right. Just my opinion.