A friend and I were chatting recently and she was telling me about this book: I am Dead, Now What?
Almost all the reviews were positive and written by folks who had just gone through losing a loved one and wishing they had something like this.
I think Vince and I have things pretty much in order. We have Wills and various directives, lists and beneficiaries on all our accounts. Chad has a copy of everything. I figured even if we have every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed, which I’m sure we don’t, what can it hurt? The book is $13 and everything will be in my handwriting. There is not one doubt in my mind that Chad is not going to do everything the way I wanted it done. He’s going to do what’s easiest and most beneficial to him and that’s the way it should be, with this book, hopefully the guesswork and stress will be minimal for him.
The book arrived today. I had not told Vince I ordered it. I knew he would think it was stupid. I felt so bad last night and slept most all of today. Vince came into the bedroom and said “Did you order this book? I am Dead?
I said “Yes, but it may be too late.” He said “Don’t worry, I’ll fill it out for you!” My wishes to be carried out . . per Vince! 🙂 That’s scary!
Seriously, most days I feel like .. when I’m gone, I don’t are what they do with my stuff. There’s really nothing I have that’s so valuable that I care if they keep it or not. I want them to keep what they want and not feel bad about getting rid of the things they don’t want. I’ve realized through the years that most of what one person loves and cherishes is simply clutter to someone else.
Knowing Chad, he’ll call an auctioneer to come dispose of everything and he won’t even drive out here but, dang it . . he’s going to get this book! 🙂
Sherrill Pecere says
That’s my thing–I don’t want them to garage sale everything because some of the stuff IS valuable and don’t want them selling my featherweight for $10. I’ve told my niece (who’s the executor) not to even come in the house. Just let a good auction company take care of it!! I emphasize maybe too often ‘no keeping me alive with machines!’ and ‘remember, my body goes to science..make sure it gets there!’. They have all the paperwork for that so hopefully goes as planned one of these days.
limegreenkitchen says
I don’t care what they do with my stuff when I’m gone. I just want to make it easy on them if they want to take advantage of the info I’ve written. If not . . I’ll never know about it, nor will I care.
Debbie says
I believe my brother, an actuary, brought this book to my parents (ages 86 & 85). They have no plan. My mother is never going (oh boy!!!) and she said they brought her death books. I cry uncle.
cassews says
yep both of our daughters are going to have a huge someone come in and put price tags on it all then sell it at an Estate Sale. Done and done…No mess, no fuss…
Judy Laquidara says
I’m sure there are things Chad is going to want. Vince has some collectibles. They’ll want quilts. Chad’s chomping at the bit to get a freeze dryer. By the time I’m gone, there will be newer, better models out there I’m sure. I have letters from my dad’s brothers who served and died in WW 2. I have quite a few old cajun cookbooks that are now out of print.
I have no idea, no do I care, what he does but I don’t think he’ll call someone in to sell everything without looking through it.
Sherrill Pecere says
I am giving stuff to my niece now that she’s already asked for..my mom’s china, crystal, two quilts my mom made for me and the grandfather clock my dad made. But most of this stuff needs the ‘estate sale’!! My niece has most of the family stuff already.
Twyla says
It is good for everyone to have a will if it should be needed and medical directives.
Liz says
There is more to being the executor of an estate than just getting rid of the stuff in the home. You have to know what is the stuff and where it is located. And, you have to be able to access it.
My father was an attorney and left me a book of information.then, I did the financial stuff for my mom, so it was easier to follow her wishes and get things done. I was my aunt’s executor. She had started simplifying her financial & physical life in her later years. I was given access to her accounts. During a visit, she started telling me her final wishes, but not everything before she suddenly died. So, it was harder to close her estate. Despite having to deal with three estates, I have not finalized mine. I need to get started on writing things down.
An example – have you stopped getting physical copies of bills and statements? Do you store everything in the “cloud”. Do you have expenses automatically taken out of your bank account or charged to a credit card? Is the password to all these accounts still in your head and not written down? Unless you have great communication with your executor, they will have a treasure hunt to settle your estate. Don’t forget that at death, certain income streams stop, but the expenses keep coming. Stopping some of these expenses can be difficult.
Having a book where you have summarized everything will also be helpful to you. It’s something you can grab in case of an emergency as you are running out the door. If you are married, be sure you know where everything is since if your spouse gets sick or dies suddenly, you are the one who has to deal with the “stuff”.
Judy Laquidara says
In that case, I need an executor for my life! I don’t know where anything is and I can’t find anything. Maybe when I’m dead, someone will find my cookie molds!
Good info, Liz. Thanks! We can’t know too much or be too organized about things like this.
Liz says
I have a binder with business card holders and those plastic paper pockets for larger pieces of paper. It’s organized by medical, home, financials, etc. It’s time for a review & update of the book. I’m going to add info on where stuff is stashed. I thought I was out of TP and bought more, only to open a different cabinet to find my stash. At least it is something that keeps and I’ll be able to use.
I know that I could keep the information on my laptop but I’ve had extended power outages as well as cell outages. So, having a hard copy of info is useful.
Decluttering is hard, so I now take the attitude of if I don’t really use it anymore and I don’t think my family and friends would want it, then it gets donated. I’m not saving the small stuff for a garage sale.
Liz says
Another point, based on experience, is to make sure you have contacted all of your family members as well as keep asking them. When cleaning out mom’s house, my sister initially said she only wanted two items and she was sure that her daughters wouldn’t want anything.
Needless to say, my sister took back a lot of stuff as well as some stuff for her daughters. I took pics, emailed them, and mentioned why mom may have wanted them to have the item. The nieces actually wanted some of the stuff. I still took some stuff to be able to pass them on to them as they get older, buy their homes, and begin to understand family history. They may not want them when I am gone, but at least I saved some family items for them to be able to understand.
One thing I need to do is write the family story that they don’t know because of “issues”. My parents married in Europe after the war and I found some interesting papers, artifacts and photos. I’ll digitize the history for the nieces, but the original items will be documented, the story written and then I’ll ask the National World War II museum if they want the items – a family story. If they don’t want them, I’ll look for other regional museums before I get rid of the items.
When I dealt with my aunt’s estate, I found pictures of the city, things she kept from her business and life, which a family member may not want, but it is part of the local history. I offered the items to the local history center and they were so happy to get the items. I did the same with my parent’s stuff with respect to the organizations that they worked with during their lives. They all loved getting the stuff because it filled a gap in their records or provided a backup of something. And as I look through my pictures, I’ll also have that critical eye looking for something that the local historical museum might like. It never hurts to ask them….
Joyce says
I also don’t care what happens to my stuff, although I want my heir to know what things are (this is your great-grandfather’s baby cup, etc.) so she can make a decision on whether she wants to keep it or sell it.
danielle says
My parents had a living trust which was awesome. My dad also kept a book with ALL the financial info in it that I would ever need – that helped so much. I will have to look into this book!
sue says
I’ll be getting that because the things my parents left to me I want to goto my sisters if they don’t want them. AND I have nieces that I’ve taught to knit and crochet and cross stitch so any of those materials that neither of my daughters want or will USE, I want to goto my nieces….same with any knitted items I’ve made. Oh boy I need that book, my girls don’t share my hobbies….maybe I’ll get to knit it all up before I go…I hope so…LOL.
Nelle Coursey says
After the first of the year Alicia is coming with a pickup and a trailer. We are going to give her all the family possessions she wants. May take more than one trip, but we want to downsize. We are going to try to find someone who will take possession of our Bunnykins Collection and see if they can auction them off. There is one man in Florida that might be able to do it. She is very interested in all the antiques, especially family heirlooms! Thank goodness we can do this while we are still at our senses and can be sure she knows what everything is and where it came from.