Please . . no lectures on being happy to have Vince around. I am very happy. We are both so thankful that he’s recovering . . slowly.
We’re together 24/7. I’m not used to this. He goes to the doctor. He wants me to go. I go to the grocery store. He wants to go along. When I left for knitting the other day, he said “When will you be back?” I told him “after 2”. About 1:00, he called . . “When are you coming home?” What time did I say I would be home?
Yesterday I was sitting here thinking . . I need to sit and listen to music and be by myself for just a few minutes!
Me: I think I’m going to go clean in the sewing room for a while.
Vince: I haven’t seen Boots in a couple of days. I’ll come with you.
I just smiled and said “OK”. Then last night I was talking to my dad on the phone and he said “How’s it going with Vince being home all day?” I relayed the story about my trip to the sewing room. After I got off the phone, Vince said “So, you didn’t want me to go to the sewing room?” I explained to him that I didn’t mind but there are going to be time when I just need to be alone . . just for a few minutes. It’s been one month short of 7 years since he left me in MO and he moved to Texas. Then I moved in August, 2011 and since then, I’ve had almost every weekday to myself. Even four years before that, Chad was off at college and I had days to myself. That’s 11 years of me having way more time alone than being with him so I need an adjustment period. He’s been home since the last week of February. Right at one month. We are doing good. But, sometimes he needs to be able to sit in the recliner and snore without me bothering him. Sometimes I need to turn my music up and sing loudly with no one hearing.
Those are small issues that we can easily work around but it was funny when I said I was going to the sewing room and he said he would come with me.
Mary M says
Oh Judee, I hear you! Hubby retired 3 years before me and he used to drive me crazy once I got home from work. Now I am retired and there are days I scramble to find things to do that he will not do. Our spare bedroom is my sewing room and his recliner in the living room is literally less than 10’feet from the spare bedroom door. I do not have an extra chair in the spare bedroom. I may not ever have a extra chair in the spare bedroom. I just sometimes need some quiet time away from his TV choices (I can block the TV from my consciousness but not his whoops, hollers and commentary).
lacefaerie says
OMGosh, this sounds so familiar! We just had our first month of his retirement. I had no idea there was that much golf on tv! I often use my ear buds and watch my own programs on my ipad as I sit in our side by side recliners and do handwork of some sort. When his parents retired and moved half a mile from us, I used to joke and tell people I sent him home to his mother when he was getting on my nerves! I now tell him he has two choices, my Dad’s workshop across the street or his folks a short walk away!
I was retired for 8 years before he retired, and six years were spent on my own, no kids. It has been an adjustment getting used to sharing the house 24/7. But buy in large, we do enjoy being together. And I get to quilt guild every Tuesday. Another quilt guild meet 3x a month, and another meets 5x year for speakers/education. That’s my time to recharge my estrogen bank!
When I first retired (from high stress job in finance) it was me, my HH, our son and my Dad across the street they had me outnumbered 3 to 1! I used to go to quilt shops just to avoid testosterone poisening! Hahaha
Sue Edberg says
Judy, I know exactly how you feel. I used to have an in-home business and my husband had a business outside the home in an office building with 13 employees. When he sold the business and retired, my life changed. He wants to be with me 24/7. If I go to the grocery store, he feels he has to come. If I go to an appointment he feels he has to come. Eric is (or should I say was) a very independent person. Now he feels we have to be together. It is driving me crazy at times. I like my “me” time. I need my “me” time. We have been retired for several years now and I feel that as Eric gets older, it gets worse. I sure hope Vince adjusts to retirement faster than Eric has. By the way, Eric used to have lots and lots of hobbies and has lots and lots of toys but he very seldom uses any of the toys. He sits and reads (his first love I think) and/or is on his computer. I wish you lots of good luck with retirement!
Susan Torrens says
It can be difficult when your husband starts staying home all the time. It take a while for things to adjust to your new normal! I encouraged my DH to find things that he liked to do alone or with a friend so I could have some alone time. At first, he tried to schedule my days, and leave me “to do lists”, but after a while, things settled down. I’m lucky that DH plays the guitar, and he and a friend spend some time practicing new songs, and then entertaining at local nursing homes. He also plays golf, but not as often as he once did. He knows that I need my quilting time, and he even cooks when I am busy with a project!
Good luck!
shirley swift-bruner says
I hear you, girl. i have the same problem. why is it that men cannot go play by themselves? haha this is why i love my studio that is in a separate building….across the road.
Ranch Wife says
LOL…I hear that a lot about newly retired couples. Ranching, DH and I work together daily so maybe we’re ahead of the game. But ranchers never really retire so I guess it’ll always be this way. Still, we both need our alone time and we’re good about respecting that. Still, I would laugh too if he wanted to follow me into the sewing room.
Sherrill Pecere says
Oh yeah, that’s the way it was when Frank retired and we moved to CO. He didn’t know what to do with himself but when it got to me, I leave (go anywhere, just leave). Not for long but long enough for a break. Course now that he’s gone, I’d give anything to have him underfoot all day.
Frieda Z says
When you are used to having quiet time, It is hard to adjust to someone being there all the time. If I don’t want to listen to my husband’s tv, I go to my sewing room and work. He doesn’t mind. I am thankful, he has things he likes to do so will not be under my feet all day. You will adjust soon, just keep finding some time for yourself.:)
dezertsuz says
You’re exactly right. You both need adjustment time. He’s used to being around people at work, I presume? So he hasn’t been spending time alone like you do. It will sort itself out. You have the basics down already. =)
danielle nabozny says
This is practice for retirement…..I get up from the chair “where are you going?”…….I could barely do any actual Christmas shopping (thank goodness for the Internet!) cause where I go, he goes. Which is fine but…..when I work, HE gets alone time…..
Wanda says
Yes that is retired life for the first little bit. It will change many times till Vince can go back to his wood sofking,garden and honey do thingd. Just hang in there a Littlefield longer.
vivoaks says
It seems to me I may have mentioned something of this sort when Vince retires…. However, I think I would go totally nuts if my husband had to follow me around all day. I did a LOL when I read that he wanted to go visit Boots!! 🙂 I’m lucky that way – when I need to go shopping I couldn’t get him to go with me if I wanted him to. If I go to the kitchen, he leaves me alone. When he goes to the garage I do NOT follow. Yes, you really do need a bit of alone time. Enjoy!!
Nelle Coursey says
I know what you mean. However Pat retired several years before I did and I messed up his and the dogs days when I retired! I just wanted to sit at home and do nothing and he wanted to go, go, go. Sometimes it is good to do things alone and go places separately. Pat is the one that told me he wanted me to go to knitting when Beth invited me. I am so glad I did. I love being around all of you and it has been my pleasure to get to know each and every one of you. I feel blessed to have come to know everyone and to be reacquainted with Norma after all these years.
It will just take time to adjust. And with him being sick, he may be scared to be alone right now. Pat wants me to go with him to play disc golf. I do but when his friend Don plays with him I sit at the bench and knit while the two of them go off and do their thing. I think they need time away from me and Don’s wife. Kind of like our little group.
Terri Schanz says
My husband and I worked together in our home based business since 1995. Most of that was spent in a 10 x 12 room, sometimes 18 hours a day, where we could literally reach out and touch each other. It was a lot of togetherness, but we made it work. He’s sort of a homebody, but he has always encouraged me to do things on my own, but once in a while it would be nice to be alone in my own home and that never happens. So retirement hasn’t been much of an adjustment for us in terms of having personal space. We worked out those issues long ago. You and Vince will too, eventualy.
cassews says
You all will do fine once you find your space and he finds his. Good luck to you both
Sherry V. says
Hey Judy, I know exactly what you mean. I lived by myself for 17 years before I got married. Granted, I had a dog that needed attention, but no other person. When we got married I suddenly found myself unable to be alone. DH felt that family meant being together as much as possible.
It drove me nuts. One day, just to have some alone time I told my mother that I was not going home but would be sitting in my employers parking lot reading so I could have some time. I told my husband that I was working late but would not be picking up the office phone so I could get my work done.
He gave me a half hour of free time. Then he started calling the cell phone, every 10 minutes for the next hour.
I gave up and went home.
Things have gotten a little better in the past 11 years…..but the next house we get is going to have a “she shed” with a combination lock that I alone know the code for!
Good luck finding quiet time for yourself.
Joyce in Oregon says
Judy, now that Vince is alerted that you need some quiet time, you’ll be able to just tell him that. I, too, believe once his cardiac rehab is finished he’ll be ready to tackle more things… but the man does love shopping! You may have to compromise and have him drop you off at knitting then he can spend the whole day shopping and pick you up afterwards. 🙂 He might just want to join you for lunch though. My husband has recently gotten into birding. He’s learning to identify them by sight and song and loves being outside. It’s a win for both of us.
Nancy says
Oh Judy I hear you this past week my husband’s schedule has been different. Usually I am home alone for a bit a couple of times a week. This week he has been home everyday plus we had grandkids because of spring break. I love my grandkids but sometimes I need space. That is how I get energized is quiet time.
cajunbear2013 says
My hubby became disabled and I was still working, then I retired from full time and went part-time for a couple of years….when I had enough of that…I quit altogether. Then it was the two of us joined at the hip. Well that got old fast! My son needed someone to be at their home when the kids got off the bus…I’m your girl…he even paid me! I did that until they were all grown…which gave me several hours in the afternoon to be separated. But it’s been too many years we do everything together…but I do have my sewing room which he invades when he gets lonely in family room. lol But some times I would just like to go shopping by myself but his major thing is “drop me off at Lowe’s”…so I do and so happy he says “take your time” lol
BUt love him I do, he’s going on 82 years old and I am not going to complain!
But I do know what you mean about alone time even if just a few minutes.
Jackie says
My husband was laid off in July, 5 yrs before he had a full pension. Having him around full time has been difficult to say the least, like Vince he wanted to be together all the time. I thought I was going to go crazy, it’s, been so enlightening reading how others re going to through similar feelings. My two girlfriends here have lost their husbands at and before retiring and it made it difficult to share these feelings with them when I know it would make them feel their loss even more. He has a new job starting in two weeks and I think I will miss him but can’t wait for him to start and have my quiet time, go shopping and not have him “why am I looking at that?” Lol. Thank you to everyone for sharing their feelings.
Kathy C. says
We have a little ways to go before retiring (about 15 years…), but I work from home and my husband is a teacher. I don’t know who looks forward more to him getting ‘back to school’ by the end of school breaks! He is a very loving hubby, but tends to be clingy and likes being together – all the time. I made him get a hobby last year that he found he LOVES. He drives for Uber when he gets bored and has met the most interesting and unusual people. Also makes some money that goes toward MY hobbies! Sometimes we all need a little alone time to more appreciate the time we have together. I’m kind of glad he doesn’t sew/quilt/craft, but he does enjoy seeing the results and is an appreciative viewer.