While sitting in the car waiting on someone today, I was reading Facebook on my phone and clicked on one of those articles that was talking about what retirees miss after retirement. Of course, I can’t find the article now. One worry was stable income. The weird, in a sad way, thing is that we should all know we’re going to get old. Why don’t we save more for our retirement years? I’m talking generally. We’re fine but I hear from and read a lot about people who struggle financially after retirement. Even small amounts saved when you’re young will compound and grow and help when you’re older. The other day I was talking to Chad and I told him “If you ever listen to anything I’ve told you . . get your weight down, check your cholesterol, exercise and save money! Old age is going to get there way sooner than you thought it would!” He won’t listen. When you’re young and finances are tight, a few extra dimes are a luxury but I wish we’d all have saved those dimes instead of spending them. I wonder if, for our generation, our parents mostly had pensions and it didn’t cost so much to live back then and we just didn’t think it would happen to us.
The other thing it said people worry about was having a social life. My first thought was . . that’s easy to change, but then I remembered when Vince and I got married and I moved from Louisiana to Kentucky, I had been working so I was used to getting up every day and getting dressed . . wearing pretty clothes and matching shoes and fixing my hair and makeup and putting on jewelry. I liked the people I worked with. We all socialized after work on occasion. They were people I could call if I needed something. I lived in my hometown where I had grown up and gone to high school and college. I had lots of friends around. There was rarely a week that passed that at least a couple of friends didn’t invite me over or ask me to go out to eat or to a movie with them. When we moved to Kentucky, I knew no one. Vince was new there too so he didn’t know anyone. We lived out in the country with no neighbors. Vince would take Chad to school every morning and I would sit down and think about how many hours it was til Vince got home for lunch and til I had to run to town to get Chad at school. It wasn’t an easy adjustment.
Even though most retirees probably do have friends nearby, it is a different life. I think we have a sense of purpose getting up in the morning, getting dressed, going to work and suddenly, one gets up and doesn’t know what to do with themselves. I understand that feeling but I had to think back 20+ years to remember it. My guess is that I adjusted much better at 42 years old than one would adjust at 65 or 70 years old.
I don’t think Vince will have that problem. We were talking today . . again . . about moving or staying and he said he’s looking forward to working in the orchard and helping in the garden. He wants to clean up his shop and get back into woodturning. It won’t happen for a while but he’ll be happy when he does have more time at home. It probably helps that I’m already home and have a routine and it isn’t like we’ll both be sitting here, without purpose, wondering what we’ll do with ourselves til time to go to bed.
Today we had a little “how the cow at the cabbage” conversation. I told Vince that we have to come to some resolution about the TV. I’m used to sitting and knitting with my music or a podcast going. I’m not used to having the TV on from daylight til bedtime. Other than going over to the sewing room and sitting with Boots, which I do for a couple of hours each day, I have nowhere to go to get away from the TV.
Vince: I thought you liked having the TV on?
Me: WHAT? Is the TV EVER on when you come home from work?
Vince: Only because you don’t know how to turn it on.
Me: You know me well enough to know that if I wanted it on, I’d figure out how to turn it on.
The solution: He will have the TV on less and I got out my earbuds so I can listen to podcasts while knitting. We’re on the road to figuring this out. Vince still hasn’t retired. He’s scheduled to go back to work April 10 and hopefully he’ll be able to work a while longer.
Cilla Tyler says
When I had my first job….babysitting for 25¢ an hr…….my dad told me to save 10% of that an ALL earned income and DO NOT touch it no matter the circumstances until the day I retired. I listened to him and am so glad that I did. More young’uns should adopt that policy. Believe me there were time I was certainly tempted to dip into those savings but he always “spoke” to me in my head. Today at 68 and 71 we are sitting fine. Thanks Daddy!!!
SaraF says
You’ve definitely described my situation. I was looking forward to retirement but gradually all of my friends have been moving away to be closer to family. Financially we’ve planned well, but emotionally and socially not so much.
Donna says
Oh the TV……that’s an issue here too. I watch very little tv maybe 4 hours a week. My husband turns it on from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed. He likes “the noise” of it. I can ask what he’s watching and half the time he doesn’t know. Somedays I could scream just from “the noise”. I go into my sewing room and close the door just to get away from it. I’m glad you and Vince are having these talks now and hopefully it will last after he retires. My husband has no hobbies, When he retired it’s like he retired from everything.
Barb Mikrut says
I have been retired since 2014. I am just now starting to like it. I have plenty of hobbies knitting, quilting and reading. I missed the people contact and I loved my job. It is definitely a different life.
Carolyn says
On FB to save an article of video there are little ….. at the top RT side of a posting, if you click on that it should give you the choice to save it.
I retired in 2012, at age 60. I was scared, but now I’m SO HAPPY. yes I might run out of $$ and DH will probably die before me although I have more health issues than him, he won’t listen. Sugar and Salt are part of the majorly Important food groups! he doesn’t exercise he keeps busy though. He’s been retired way longer than me. I do miss some of the people, but occ run into someone at Walmart! LOL
Nelle Coursey says
I think things will work out when the time comes. I had some “older” friends one time and she told me they didn’t have any problems. They both kept their hearing aids off! LOL
Seriously, don’t sweat the small stuff. As for friends, you have quite a few around town. We will take care of you and Vince too! LOL Even if he doesn’t want us to!! My husband is a grump and he makes friends!! LOL
Sherrill Pecere says
It’s harder when your spouse dies (and you’re only 58) and your kids aren’t that interested in spending any time with you and the majority of your friends are married with younger grandkids (my one and only is 21 and I NEVER hear from her). That’s a super hard adjustment to have no one to eat with, no one to talk to, no one to go anywhere with. Really hard. I’m OK financially but doesn’t make the other stuff easier.
Sherrill Szumik says
Sorry sherrill for your loss…I am on the other side unfortunately..my husband had a massive heart attack and lived..he suffers from depression,refuses to talk to me and has horrific arthritis..we are fine financially but I also don’t have anyone to travel with,talk to or have fun with..golden years..pfft
Jeanette says
Seriously, you should look at retiring sooner rather than later. When you are in good health, It is difficult to even think about all the things that can change your life and lifestyle in an instant and nothing will ever be the same again. Health is the biggest unknown of all. You are looking at knee surgery. In the best of worlds, you will be fine. But what if your mobility is severely impaired? What if ? It’s not morbid to look at all the possible negative “what ifs”. They are coming. Sorry to say, they come way too soon. Enjoy the heck out of right now. Do all the things you plan to do later while you still can. You won’t regret it. And if the bad things don’t come, rejoice and enjoy ever minute.
cassews says
I have a suggestion and its just that : Either go to the local Senior Center or Church social center for seniors as its a good way to make friends no matter where you live. There are many wonderful people there who have the same interests as most everyone else. Only a few are grumpy gus’s. Many have the same ideas, means, livelihood as you both. Many are not that old either ….
Friends are nice to just get away with, do things with that each has a mutual enjoyment of and have a good conversation about life. Family is wonderful to visit and enjoy them -how they are growing in life,
Life is precious and one must try to plan to save for the future always.
dezertsuz says
I’m interested in your plans and reading everyone’s comments. Everyone has a different way of dealing with the retirement issues, with finances and with social situations. Honestly, I think I could move into a new town and have friends in no time. It always works out that way. Paul used to say that I’d talk to anyone, and I guess that’s true. There are friends to be found at church, at quilt groups, at senior centers, and a dozen other places. People can volunteer at the library, the food bank, and countless other places need volunteers, too. You can take classes at parks and rec or junior colleges or universities. I’m in two classes right now and I’m the oldest one there, and no one thinks anything about age when we talk about the topics.
You don’t even have to be friendly. You just go and keep going and, eventually, someone else will talk with you and friendships will happen. I know it isn’t easy for everyone to put themselves out there, but think of it as service to others, not putting yourself out there. Put the focus on others instead of self and good things happen to you. too. We forget that the power is ours; WE choose where we are. =)
LK Smith says
Wireless earphones that work with the TV are wonderful. You will never know it is on.
Carol says
I was just about to post the same thing as LK Smith commenter above. My husband retired 10 years ago (early) and he is addicted to a tv set being on–many times snoring through whatever is on. I do not like the tv on and can’t even tell you one show I watch with any regularity at all. When he worked, the tv was silent. On top of constant noise, he has hearing loss and has it turned up so loud, I am driven out of the room because I cannot stand it. Refuses to even be tested for hearing aids. Sooooo, a few birthdays ago, I ordered him Bose headphones. He doesn’t use them often, but when he watches some loud, war time movie and knows it’s going to be loud, he will put them on and it is peacefully silent.
Denise Ramsay Porter says
April 10th? for Vince’s return to work? Typo?
Judy Laquidara says
Yes, thank you! I fixed it.
Dar in MO says
I’m amazed at how many ladies have husbands that watch TV as much as mine does. I feel the same say as they do about the continuous playing and loudly! Our TVs are old ones , so I’m sure wireless is not an option for us. I have lots of hobbies and can keep too busy and he has no hobbies, bad health now because he will not listen or do what he should either. I thought when I retired we could travel or go to warm places now and then in the winter. I saved for my retirement through my work (encouraged a matching funds program) and I had a Depression mother who was a single provider, so I started early in life saving my babysitting money too. I haven’t had an opportunity to enjoy it yet. DH is not able to do much of anything, nor does he want to. Definitely enjoy and do the things when you can and not wait for retirement, per se.
lacefaerie says
My Mama always called those talks as “come to Jesus meetings”. Retirement is an adjustment for sure. I retired 8 yrs ago due to health consequences from a high stress job. I kept myself busy with 3 quilt guilds, weekly lunch and shopping dates with my father and lots of reading.
HH retired at the end of February. We thought we would be doing a lot of frugal traveling but decided to stay home for a few years to care for grandbabies when our daughters go back to work. We just started caring for our 4 month old granddaughter this last week. It’s only for 3-4 hours a day. We are really enjoying it. We will have a second little charge by Christmas. The happiest times of my life where when I was a young stay at home mom, this kinda feel a lot like that only I am off duty by 6p! As we are 55, even if we care for grandkids for a decade, we will just then be the age of most retirees.
My in-laws each have a remote for the tv, that way when one of them dozes off, the other isn’t stuck watching the other’s tv program. I use the cable company’s app to change channel when HH dozes off or I use my earbuds to listen to podcasts or to watch my own tv programs when he has control of the remote.
Wanda says
Judy and friends there are lots to keep you busy. There are people who need help. I decided to do volunteer work. Yes I know it might not be down your a!ley but give it a try. I do one day week at our local food bank on a Wednesday . Just love it, gives me a good feeling giving away food to people who need it especially seniors. Then i found a Elemetary school how could use Help. They need help in all kinds of ways trust me. I help make copies for students, go on playground and teach them games to play, each lunch on classroom floor and just talk ,grade test etc. Teachers are so over stressed these days. Students don’t have a lot family support these days believe it or not. Most don’t have grandparents who live close enough so they can help. Each Friday I’m greeted at the classroom door with a group hug from my students It makes your heart swells Some even ask to come home with me Yes there is something you can do to stay busy. My sister in law is 80 and rides school bus with little handicap children each day and loves it. So don’t worry you’ll. Find something trust me. My grandfather told me once he was busier after he retired than when he worked and that is true. Sorry reply so long .
Judy Laquidara says
Oh, I’m not one who will get bored or have to find something to do. It wasn’t me who was wondering if I would have things to do . . you know I stay hopping around here. Between the critters, the fruit trees, the garden, the knitting, the cooking, reading . . I need more hours in my day. I volunteered all the way through Chad’s school years so I do know the amount of help volunteers provide but I’ve been there/done that and that’s not in my future. Vince has worked since we’ve been married so my main goal is to find things we can do together and enjoy our time together.
marcie says
I worried for a couple of Years in advance of my retirement, and had the privilege to determine when that would be. I taught part time for one additional year. I wasn’t sure who I would “be” when I was not a full-time nurse educator, but came to trust that there would be meaningful activities that I just didn’t know about yet. This has come true, with making some new friends, volunteering, reading, quilting/XSing/knitting a bit more, and doing a little gardening. Oh – and sleeping 7-8 hours instead of 6-7 is great (if only they were straight through, LOL!)
Cheri Bergeron says
I retired a year ago and one of my early morning routines ss making breakfast and reading your blog. Thank you for the interesting “conversations” and posts. A friend who retired 6 years ago who lives 8 miles from town as I do, had great advice, do 2 social activities a week in town. I got to coffee once a week with other retirees and belong to 2 organizations. So far it has worked for me.
Retirement is a great time to do the things you choose to do.
Amy Bertman says
Thank you for such a thoughtful post.
Jackie says
I enjoy reading all of these posts as it gives me a variety of views and suggestions in approaching the next stage of mine and my husbands life. I worry about having a social life at this time of our lives and think volunteering will be a great way to meet people I never thought of joining a seniors group. Like so many getting my husband away from the tv will be a hard job, he wants to watch more and I want to watch less.
Terri Schanz says
Why don’t people save for retirement? Let me tell you. Losing your job 3 times and having to use your savings to live on until you find another one, once for as long as a year. Having 3 kids with asthma andother health problems and the resultant medical expenses when you have no health insurance (see job losses above). Havng the business you started (see job losses above) go under, losing half the equity in your house because of the crash of 2007. Looking for 2 years for a job in your late 50s, getting multiple interviews for several jobs and not being hired because of obvious age discrimination. Having to file for bankruptcy, losing your house. Having cancer, (now with health insurance, but not good health insurance) and being left with tens of thousands of dollars in medical expenses to pay off. Working in an industry where wages have dropped by 60% in the last 20 years. Having to retire and collect social security early because of health problems making you unable to work. When you spend your whole life living hand-to-mouth worrying about keeping a roof over your heads, food on the table and clothes on your kids backs, saving for retirement is something you think you’ll be able to do when the kids are grown. And then your life goes to hell and you can just barely pay the bills.
You can’t assume that when people don’t save for their retirement that they didn’t manage their money well or that they lived high on the hog instead of saving and it makes me angry when I hear people say that. The only thing you know for sure is what YOUR life has been like, and how nice for you that you were able to plan for a comfortable retirement. You don’t need to be condescending to those who haven’t been as fortunate. . .
Judy Laquidara says
Please note that after I said “Why don’t people save for retirement?”, I said “I’m talking generally.” That was not meant to be condescending! I’m sorry you took it that way. Most everyone I know who has reached retirement age and has not had the financial stability they wish they had, have told me that they wished they had saved more when they were younger. As one person commented, when she was young and babysitting for 25 cents, her dad taught her to save 10% and never touch it. There are always exceptions and when health issues consume your savings, all bets are off. Most of us cannot save for catastrophic events that are unpredictable.
Again, I didn’t mean for this post to be condescending and I’m sorry you saw it that way. I meant it more as an eye opener for those who are young enough to save and plan for their future.