Thank you all for responding to Vince’s post. As almost all of you have stated, being close to family when we get older is important to most of us. Vince’s dad was 55 years old when Vince was born. Vince was out of college and living far away when both his parents were very old and passed away. His older brothers and sisters helped them. Vince never saw what it was like and seems to not have an idea of what it’s like not to have family around when we get to that position. I saw it with my grandparents and now, with my own parents. My sister and her daughter, who has a wonderful husband, help my parents. Vince has no idea what it’s like to be in that position.
I appreciate your comments and your thoughts. I’m hoping that if Vince reads more and more personal stories about being close to family, it will make him think more about being closer to Chad. There’s only so much I can say or do. Whatever we do, we have to both be in this together and if he is adamant that he isn’t going back to MO, then it isn’t happening.
He has mentioned that we’ll go to our dream location for 7 or 8 years and maybe then move to MO. My parents are 84 and 83; my uncle is almost 86 and they are all very independent and self sufficient so I’m hoping I have good genes and won’t need a lot of help for a good many years but, the truth is, we never know what the future holds.
Another issue is that we have no idea where Chad will end up so, if we go wherever it is that we want to go for 7 or 8 or 10 years, maybe by then Chad will be more set in where he is. All I need is to talk Vince into moving to MO to be near Chad and then Chad leave and go somewhere else.
So, please keep your stories coming. I’m not trying to talk Vince into doing something he doesn’t want to do . . just hoping he’ll at least understand my thinking.
Dottie says
When we lived in Pennsylvania, my mother was ready to sell her house in Colorado and move to PA to be close to us and be able to spend more time with the grandkids…..I told her to PLEASE not do that because there was no guarantee that we’d live there forever and ever. She was surprised because she assumed that we were in our forever place. Within a couple of years of that conversation (and she did not sell/move), we moved to the DC area. In this day and age, we’re all much more transient than the life we grew up with – we’ve moved all over, our kids have moved all over and I have the feeling our grandkids will be the same.
Donna says
We did move closer to our kids just a couple years ago, both so we could see them more and the grands and Louis was experiencing medical issues that prohibit him from playing golf. Golf was going to be a large part of his retirement plan. He does have a couple other hobbies but they are mostly outdoor things and in winter the weather does not always cooperate. That was a long way to go to say it’s important to have things to do indoors and outdoors. There have been many many days in the last couple years with not much activity. The biggest lesson we’ve learned is that plans don’t always work out the way we would like. Whatever you decide, wherever you go will be right for you.
Carol says
I was one of the commenters in the prior post about being close to family being what kept us from moving anywhere after my husband retired. I have always said I will not follow my kids because they are in their young adult careers and prime time for moving somewhere else any time. And I never want them to feel like they cannot make a career move because of us. We don’t live where they live, but a decent drive away so it’s not too hard to visit. We raised our kids to be independent responsible adults and they are raising amazing families. It’s wonderful to watch that and be able to go see events, etc, because we are within a decent driving distance.
Pam says
My mother lived alone into her 90’s. She came to live with us when she was 96. That was after I made frequent urgent 150 mile one way trips. She lived to pass her 100th birthday. She was alert and ambulatory. Her last nine months were under hospice care, I was an only child, born when she was 33. Fortunately I have a very supportiv husband.
Terri Schanz says
I think whatever you decide, it’s important to have enough flexibility to deal with the unexpected.. Our retirement plan was always to retire in place and that’s what we did.. We planned to have our mortgage paid off so we would not have that expense and would be able to travel a little. Then the economy tanked, we lost our business, our house, and everything we had worked for for 30 years and had to start all over. Then DH got cancer. He recovered and 4 years out, he’s had no recurrence and we’re thankful for that, but we have thousands of dollars in medical bills that we will be paying off for the rest of our lives. We both had to retire earlier than we had planned due to job losses and health problems that made finding a new job in our 60s pretty much impossible. So we are retired. We manage to make ends meet, but we pinch pennies and live as frugally as we can. We can’t afford to travel, but wouldn’t be able to even if we could because of health issues. Still, we’re close to two of our 3 kids and get to spend a lot of time with our grandchildren. We’ve taken advantage of a lot of the free and inexpensive things to do in our community (free concerts, movies in the park, various festivals). I belong to a crochet group, go to swim exercise classes. After cancer, we know that every day is a gift and we try to make the most of it. At this point in our lives, we don’t need a lot. We have everything that we need and enough for an occasional treat like a dinner out or a movie, so we’re content. This certainly isn’t how we planned to retire, but someone once told me that life is what happens when you’re making other plans, and that really is true!! .
Susan says
I don’t think you can make plans based on what someone else might or might not do. My parents lived into their 90s, and they were 120 miles south of me. Paul’s father died at 62, and his mother worked until retirement, then sold her New Jersey home and came to live with us in Arizona for ten years before she died. Whatever the family situation with parents, whatever plans you make, everything will change when you least expect it. The same is true with Chad. And you can’t predict the future for your own health, either.
Instead of finding a forever spot, have you thought about traveling a bit yourselves? You’ll be able to settle someplace when you don’t want to travel any more, but maybe while you’re traveling you will find a perfect spot you both love and that will be your forever spot.
I suggest picking a state with no state income tax. That’s a bite you don’t want to have to live with when you’ve lived in Texas all this time! I know that includes Tennessee, Nevada and South Dakota, as well as Texas, and I think there are a few others, too.
cassews says
I was too of a late life birth and enjoyed being around my family and still do. But unfortunately his parents moved to where we are living in life for now, and its been nothing but bad. So bad I stopped talking to them (they both believe in the do as I say, don’t do as I do theory and are very narcissistic with their own grown “5 yr old adult children”. To them everything is how its presented and how it truly is in public vs private.). So that is my story about his parents who are 77 and 84 years old and living near us. Both my husband and his brother (both are heart attack patients) are expected to take care of them, the more they do the more that is expected of them. Enough said ….
I do hope that you and Vince find what is right for the both of you to live where your “forever home is”.