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Preparing for Retirement

Retirement Post #1 Written by Vince:

Hello Everyone,

Judy and I have been getting more serious about starting retirement and the more we talk and learn, the more we realize there are so many things to take into consideration.  Since this is such a big deal and something everyone will face at some point in their life, if not already faced, I thought it would be fun to share what we are learning.  I also thought it would be interesting to hear from you and what you have done to get ready for retirement or what you are experiencing if you are currently retired.  I have to emphasize that this is our journey and in no way should be taken as advice on what you should do.  Everyone’s situation is unique; however, I am sure we will trigger some ideas which you might like to investigate further.

So where do we start?  For us, it started by making a list of what we wanted out of retirement.  Sit down with your spouse and say, “Dear, we need to talk”.  OMG, at our house that means trouble.

We decided that one of our first decisions should be to decide where we want to live during retirement. We both decided to think about that for a while and then have our discussion. When Judy starts off a conversation with: “Now please give me a chance to talk without interrupting or getting mad.”  Here we go…!  “I’ve been thinking” says Judy.  My favorite characterization of Judy is that she has finished the ball game before the first pitch is thrown.  When she says she has been thinking, she already has a complete plan in mind.  I knew that she already had looked online and found houses in all three states that she liked. Sure enough, just a little farther into the conversation, she mentioned several houses she had found.

Judy goes on, “You can decide where we retire, so long as it’s in Texas, Louisiana or Missouri”.  Wait a minute- Aren’t there 50 states?  What about all those lists like the best states for retirees, the best states for taxes, the best states for simple living.  I think to myself, don’t we get to do a little research, don’t we get to have a discussion?  It appears not.  Ok, I think, do we start off our “planning” with push back and a slightly heated debate or do I give in on this one and hold off for a bigger compromise?  You see I know that “how much yarn can I buy in retirement” has not been mentioned yet so I am holding back my diplomatic leadership skill set for another day.  As my daddy use to say, “it’s better to win the war than just a battle”.

To be continued…

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. i’m going to love reading both perspectives on this -dare I say – debate. Since Bob & I are retired I’m going to throw out a kernel for thought – who’s going to be taking care of you both when you need some help as you grow older? Do you want to already be living in that general area?

    • Ahh, Karen, you’re my new best friend! You know where I want to end up. I would go to Missouri and if it were up to me, i’d buy a house there tomorrow, move on Tuesday and never look back. I read your comment to Vince and he said “That’s too far out to worry about!”

  2. I’m really interested in this topic since I am 53 and hubs is 57 so we are starting to think about this also.

    • My advice is this. You make all the decisions and don’t let him have any input! 🙂 I really had been thinking “You save enough money . . when it’s time to retire, you do it.” But, we’ve found there’s SO MUCH MORE to it. I’m glad we started trying to figure out early. Truly, the more you talk about it, the more you read and research, the better off you’ll be.

  3. In am married to a man wh says he will never retire. He dad died on the job and that is his plan. So basically, if there s any planning it will be for my welfare.

    • Really, it’s kinda sad the way I see it but part of making good retirement decisions is knowing what makes you happy. Hopefully, most of us will be able to give a little and take a little and find a happy spot where we’re both somewhat happy but I do know that won’t work for everyone. Good luck to you!

  4. We learned that as much as we wanted to be independent from family health problems creep in in ways you least expect suddenly! So be aware of that! I never thought that I would not be able to drive at my age due to eyesight or a heart condition and those things blindsided us. My husband is semi retired… we were going to move far away from family (travel to see them) to a warmer location but luckily he realized when I am my happiest is when family is around.. and hubby.. well he can be happy anywhere .. but a happy wife is a happy life he said..
    Btw Vince I am in my early 60’s!
    He is 70.

  5. Ranchers never retire…or rather. MY rancher will never retire. We’ll be taking care of cows until…well, until the cows come home. 🙂 Still, we ARE taking steps to save and discuss our options for where we’ll settle in our old age so I enjoy reading about how others are approaching the golden years. Ranching does not include vacation days or retirement plans so we fly solo and pinch pennies, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Looking forward to hearing more from both of you.

  6. We’re 56 (9 days apart). The original plan was to retire at 50. Dang, feels too young so we’ll retire at 55. Oops still too young and love our work. So, I’ll retire at 60-I’m fairly firmly set on that now. If I can find a part-time gig that gives me flexibility I’ll likely continue but if no one wants that, I’ll stop. Hubby loves his work and will continue until we qualify for Medicare or if for some miracle in DC, we get universal healthcare…then we’re done.

    How did we get here? We have tracked every penny earned and spent since 2000. We aimed for zero debt by 50 and that included our 2nd home in the mountains. These homes are our 4ever homes as decided back in 2003 when we made significant improvements based on that decision. Small (by today’s standard), single levels for us. We’ve estimated all future large home expenses that might take place before we’re 90: roofs, heat/AC systems, exterior paint, kitchen appliances. Those expenses are all in our 17y tracking of expenses as we’ve done them all at least once. We know what it takes to live our current lifestyle and what we would need to cut out if our retirement accounts don’t deliver. And our 2nd home can be cashed out if needed-an insurance policy if you will.

    I’m a quilter and hubby does fine woodwork. You well understand the $ involved in those crafts. I’m an avid gardener on our small city property with raised beds everywhere I can fit one. I put up as much food as I can from them. We don’t foresee new expensive hobbies in retirement. We already spend on travel so that’s in our current projection.

    Best of luck making your final plans. It sounds like you’re seriously setting a target date/year.

  7. We grew up in Texas (many, many years ago) and, courtesy of the U.S. Navy, we were fortunate (hindsight speaking here) in being able to see/live in the western part of the U.S. After hubby got out of the Navy in 1980, we “knew” we were going to move “home”. The reality (finding a job) took us to Pennsylvania and later the metro DC area. At the time, moving into the the northeastern part of the U.S. was a very hard transition – we were now even further away from family BUT, we learned to “grow” where we were planted.

    We had no intention of moving “back” to Texas because our kids were grown and gone – daughter in Las Vegas, son in Kansas (after having moved 14 times in as many years with his family – from California to Michigan, Missouri, California and Kansas). BUT, our parents’ health ended up determining (primarily) that we move back to Texas. We are definitely closer to our kids and we were able to help with our parents before they died.

    We are able to do a lot of traveling and spending time with our kids/grandkids. Grandkids are pretty much grown (graduating high school this year and another in college). We found that as they were growing up, when they hit junior high or middle school and then high school, they love being with their grandparents but not as much as when they were younger. They have so many activities that keep them on the go, as well as their friends.

    Moving to Texas is also less expensive living for us – those income taxes we paid in other states was pretty high. Our property taxes and insurance have seemed comparable to other states we lived in.

    Didn’t mean to write a book, but, we have found that if you can’t “live” in the best place (wherever it is), you can visit and there’s a lot of things to see and do all over.

  8. When my both my in-laws and my parents retired, they each moved to their dream place. At first, they were living the life! Big homes, lower taxes, golf courses, free entertainment, great weather, everything they wanted. Then just a few years in, they struggled because they lived so far away from family. At first, it was only sadness that the kids could rarely find the time to visit with their extremely busy lives and jobs–then, as illness came to each a short ten years later, it was a problem for everybody. No family could visit and help take care of them, visit them when they went through heart surgery and chemotherapy–it became a terrible hardship for all. There they were, in their dream communities, sick and lonely and having to hire people to do the simplest things because family was too far away. We had to hire people to do errands, people to shop, people to transport, people to bring meals, people to do housekeeping–it was overwhelming. I remember my poor feeble stepfather (two heart attacks and a stroke) trying to go to the grocery store to bring home groceries to my mother who was going through chemotherapy–watching him shuffle through the store looking for something she’d eat–I tell you, it was heartbreaking. But we were self-employed and there was no way we could be there all the time. It haunts me to this day. So that’s why no matter where my family lives, I’ll be nearby. We rarely go quickly in this age of medicine–there is a lot of lingering before the end, unfortunately. And how many years will pass before the thought of moving is overwhelming? I think you might be stuck out where you are, so far from family that they cannot care for you properly. Sorry to be so depressing, but I lived through all of this for ten long years and it affected me so much. I have so much guilt and sadness over it! But because my parents and in-laws were short-sighted and thinking of what they dreamed of, they put us through many years of sadness, grief, worry, helplessness, and guilt. And they deprived us and our children of the experience of having grandma and grandpa nearby for holidays and sharing their life experience. Lose-lose. Again, sorry to be depressing, but I feel so strongly about this having gone through it! And I’m still going through it watching my 70-year old sister trying to take care of her husband with Alzheimers by herself for the last ten years! I have no illusions about my dream retirement place. It’s family for me, even if they lived in Siberia.

  9. We are working towards each retiring at 60. We know we want to live right where we are at now. Our situation now is that my parents are 85 and 79. Dad broke his leg last year and mom has dementia. Dad refuses to move anywhere. My brother is in Texas, I’m 2 hours away and my sister is about 40 minutes away but high strung and if she’s upset everyone has to be. I’ve said all this to say, really think about how your decision impacts those you love who want to be there for you as you age. I’ve wanted my parents to move closer to one of us kids for a very long time. Why? So they could build a community around them while they were healthy. Find a church home, make friends, establish drs, find great stores and shops, get to know their neighbors. Once they do move, they’re not healthy enough to invest themselves in all those things around them and it will make their lives so much smaller without it. I worry that if something happens to dad, because mom will have to move that she’ll be even more lost. It’s something to think about when it comes to retirement and that is we all plan for retirement from a healthy perspective instead of a perspective of needing others to help. As it stands right now, my husband and I plan our weekends around my parents needs and we’re on the road 4 hours at least 2x month to help them. My sister handles the other weekends and my brother flies in every 3 months which isn’t near often enough but it’s what he can do. Heaven help us if one of us gets sick!

  11. Ok – here are my two cents…. these are questions, no need to give out any specific answers.

    What is the status of your health – any current problems, any foreseeable problems, what are the options in the community? What would you do if something happened to the other person?

    What do you want to do in retirement – travel, volunteer, learn something new, follow up on what your hobbies are now?

    What would you do in retirement – we know that Judy likes to knit, has a quilting studio that hasn’t been that busy (I have a room that I leave a light on, but it’s not been used in a while.) Judy gardens and cooks. I haven’t heard much about what Vince does with his spare time other than gardening and shopping. I know that when you are working, the down time is spent recovering from work and prepping for the next day.

    What are Chad’s plans for the future – would he move if a great job opportunity came up in a different location and would you follow him? My sister & her hubby were thinking about moving from the east coast to Seattle for retirement since both of the kids were there and seemed to be quite happy. It’s a good thing they decided to wait since both are back on the east coast.

    Are you ready to downsize and simplify your life? I am getting to that point and I am really trying to get rid of things. I cleaned out two houses – my aunt’s who had already simplified her life and my mom’s, who left me a note apologizing for not being able to deal with the stuff.

    • Because my life seems to be an open book, I’ll answer the questions here.

      1. Health – We both need to lose weight. I know that I’m not going to get in the car and rive to a health club every day. We have no place we can walk here . speed limit is 75 on the highway. I can’t walk on uneven surfaces with my knee, there is not one square inch in this house or in the sewing room where we could put exercise equipment so I would like to get to place where we could walk outside on good days and where we can at least have a treadmill and exercise bike at home.

      2. We do not have major health problems. I take zero maintenance meds, Vince takes BP meds.

      3. I don’t know what Vince would do if something happened to me. I’d have Chad down here with a U-Haul in about 12 hours to get me and take me back to MO, but anywhere we live except within an hour or so of Chad, that’s what I would do.

      4. Yep, you know what I like to do. And, you’re pretty much spot on with Vince’s spare time. It’s hard when he’s still working and has the responsibility he has at work. He has 3D printers and he would like to spend more time with those. He wants to do his woodturning, get more into the gardening, spend more time reloading his ammo. In his head, he has plenty of hobbies . . we’ll see what happens in reality.

      5. Neither of us want to travel. We both like being at home.

      6. Chad says he’s staying in that area but if the right job offer came along, I doubt he would turn it down. My guess is that he will stay in the SW MO, NW AR area.

      7. NO intention of downsizing. I still feel I may go back to quilting. We don’t have a lot of furniture (antiques, collectibles, etc.) I do have my canning equipment but I plan to use it as long as I have a garden. I’m not getting rid of things I enjoy just to make it easier for someone else to deal with when I’m gone. I figure if they want the benefits of inheriting what we have, they can deal with whatever they don’t want too.

  12. I was looking for air fry scallop recipe and came across Judy”s blog which lead me to this blog. Interesting reading about your retirement discussion and your quote from Grandpa!

  13. Good comments from Liz above. Lots to think about. My husband retired at 57 and that was 10 years ago. I was a stay-at-home mom. Our 2 kids/families live relatively close and that is the main reason we have stayed where we are. We have any health care we would ever need available as well as availability of any product or service–or can get it very quickly. We traveled lots in our 37 years of marriage and it’s not a priority any more. We’ve been here 38.5 years so well established and have enjoyed the area growing over the years. The only reason we may ever consider moving is to downsize but not any time soon. We live on an acre and have a large home, yes, too big for just the 2 of us, but when kids and their families are here, we need the space. Plus we have company often. Our parents are now deceased but we were within a decent driving distance of them to help in their care. Family is our main reason to stay where we are. I could do without everything else but want to be close enough to see them when we want to.

  15. I moved back to the area where I grew up partly to help my parents who were having quite a few health issues. Now they’re both gone. I’m single and don’t have any children. I[‘m not sure what I’m going to do when/if I get to the point where I need help. I have distant cousins locally, but they’re all older than me. My close relatives are about 2 hours away in a large city. I’m not sure I really want to move there, but I guess we’ll see. I have about 4 years until I’m first eligible to retire, but I don’t see that happening quite so soon. I’m planning on retiring in about 6-7 years providing I can afford it. I will say that being near family is a big plus, especially if you don’t have a lot of family.

  16. I forgot to say: it was great to hear from Vince! Thanks, Vince, for including your blogland fans. We’re all rooting for you to find a solution…the perfect solution…to your retirement quandry!

  17. Hi, Vince. I’m so glad to hear your perspective. Family is important, but the relationship between the two of you is the priority. Each of you can decide what is out of the question for you; I bet you’ll find plenty of common ground in what you think of as doable.

  18. I absolutely concur with the idea of living close to family who can help us as we age. We may be in good health now, but things change as the years progress.

    My husband has been retired for 6 years, and I have been retired for 3 years. Three of our four children live within 30 miles of us. I am grateful every day to live near our children. I adore the grandchildren, of course, and am so blessed to be part of their everyday lives as they grow up. I also appreciate that the kids will help us with yard work, with moving around heavy objects, with deep cleaning, with snow removal, and a hundred other things.

    BTW, I am a retired secondary language arts teacher, and the first thing I noticed about Vince’s post was how accurate his punctuation/spelling/grammar was. 🙂 He is a good writer!

  19. A lot of us are not interested in retiring near family so they can take care of us…the first thing we would tell you is to make sure you budget enough money to pay others to do things for you if the time comes you need help..then retire to a place that makes you happy!!

    • For the most part, the place that makes me happy will be close to Chad and his family. I’m not so concerned about them helping me when I need help as the fact that I love seeing them and visiting with them. I figure the thins I do – quilting, knitting, cooking . . I can do that anywhere. Gardening is almost impossible here and anywhere we live will be easier than gardening here. Where ever Vince is happy is going to work for me but I do hope we get to see Chad and his family often.

  20. When I retired, Paul and I decided to sell our house, buy a 5th wheel and a truck to pull it and travel all over the U. S. We planned in advance and the last day of school (May 28, 2005), we left the house keys on the counter for the new owner and drove away. We spent five years traveling all over the country, and then Paul died in Texas. I would not trade anything for those wonderful years of traveling and seeing our country. I would still be doing that, but it’s hard for me to do with the size rig we had. I think still about getting one of the small trailers and hauling it around. =)

    Most of my financial planning was done by deciding how I wanted my retirement to come to me, and I had plenty of years in the system, so I’m not likely to be in too much trouble, as long as I’m careful. I don’t need a lot, just a comfortable house and reliable car, and I have those. You have to know who BOTH of you are and consider BOTH of your needs, to know what will work out best for you.

    I’m going to enjoy reading the other side of the story. You are as chatty and comfortable sounding as Judy, and I see now how the two of you mesh together. I think you know each other very well, and you’ll figure out the best ways to do what you need and want, and how to compromise without being miserable. =)

  21. I can’t really help you any on where to move because I have only lived in Brown County my entire life (so far). But I have always heard the saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” Just let that sink in a little. LOL

  22. As you know we bought the house next to our daughter 3 years ago Noee
    now. I always lived across street or close to grandparents and loved it. They moved once an it was horrible to be away. Did I want to move out of my big dream house no. But once again health issue snuck up an I it made since to do now . Moving gets harder the older you get trust me on this. You get use to where things are and now they aren’t in the most convenient place anymore. But some things are worth giving up knowing you will have help when you need it most. Family wins out everytime.

  24. My husband retired almost 4 years ago. I retired 4 weeks ago. He retired because he had always told our daughters that if they would give him grandchildren he would be their day care provider. They called him on it. For several years he was attempting to work full time nights on the weekend and take care of 4 kids weekdays. when the oldest started school and they stopped taking naps it got a whole lot tougher. So I encouraged him to go ahead and retire since I earned more money than him anyway.

    Last year when I began thinking about retirement I knew that we could not retire in place no matter how many improvements we had done to the house. It was 3 levels with the laundry in the basement. I have a bad knee and those stairs were not getting any easier.

    I decided that we needed to buy the new place while I was still working to make financing easier. I also decided that we would move closer to the oldest daughter. We now live 10 minutes from her house and still picking kids up from school everyday has become easier. We fixed up the old place and finally got it sold so we paid off the new one.

    I took into consideration that Oregon (where we were) is not a good state to retire in as they have a state income tax that would tax our money coming from IRA’s and 401K. We moved across the river to Washington. No state income tax but a sales tax. Still not the best state for retirement but we do not want to move to any of the 10 best states for retirement. For many purchases we can cross into Oregon and buy with no sales tax. We just do not do that during rush hour.

    You will notice a lot of ‘I’s’ in the above – that is because my dear darling husband did want to move and did not want to make any of the tough decisions. He told me to do whatever I wanted – so I did. However, I am a software engineer and very analytical. I weighted the pros and cons that I listed out on a spreadsheet to assist with all decisions. I ran many ideas past him so that I kept him informed. In the end, he has admitted that it was the right decision. The only thing he said he wanted that we did not get was more land. Since he never really took care of the small bit of land we had, there was no way I was buying out in the country. We have a bigger lot than before and he will just have to work with it. So far all he has done is make a mess of perfectly good landscaping.

    So far so good. I love living close to our daughter. I am super glad that I am no longer doing a two hour commute to work, that was 30 minutes more than the old house. The new neighborhood is really quiet compared to the inner SE Portland neighborhood. I am now trying to get our house in some kind of order. I still have boxes packed and am still purging because we kept to much stuff. I have been told it takes three time thru to purge out enough stuff. The first half of our life is collecting and the second half is simplifying.

  25. I’ll add my two cents from the child’s perspective. As a 37 year old child, whose parents were older when they had me, I’ve dealt with a lot of these issues. My mom got sick with cancer at 48 and I spent 7 years caring for her until her passing. The most I ever lived away from my parents was 2 hours, which was easily doable for medical appointments and spending time with them. Once I married, we lived within an hour (which in SD is really close). I spent a lot of time at appointments, chemo, and other things helping my mom. I also had to help my dad who didn’t have a debit or credit card, had never bought things online, etc. to learn how to navigate finances and living independently after her death. It was a lot of work. I’m glad I lived close. Luckily my dad re-married and has an amazing wife and they built a 1 level home in the country. I still have to do a lot for them, but they are 30 min. away and I see them at least monthly. My MIL is 58 and has a bad hip and knee, she can barely move most of the time, but is still working. I spend a lot of time helping her and doing things she can’t do (shopping, cooking, cleaning). She wouldn’t be able to live by herself. As her primary caregiver through recent hip surgery, I’ve realized health is not a given and we never know when our time will come. I’d rather be helping her than having her rely on a stranger to dress, feed, bathe,help her. We live in a split foyer home with steps. She won’t move because she built it as a single mom and is darn proud of it, but boy that would be the one thing I would look for in retirement living – single level. I would also want to be near my kids (even a couple hours away), and want to spend time with my grand-kids (when I hopefully have them). My kids are 5 & 7, so a long ways in the future, but since they only see my dad and his wife once a month and my MIL never wants to watch them (she is capable, but doesn’t think we should leave them), I would love to have grandparents around who want to spend time with them. I loved being around my grandparents! They were so influential in helping me make good choices. Enjoy the process and don’t rush, but think about who you want caring for you and what you’re willing to settle without. For me family is important and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

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