From the comments on Vince’s retirement post, one thing stands out: Some people seriously want to be near family and some people could care less about that. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong on that subject – it’s whatever feels right to each of us.
I grew up visiting my grandparents almost every weekend. The first 20 years of my adult life were spent living just a couple of miles from my parents. Family is important to me and not so important to Vince. He never knew his grandparents. We were raised completely differently when it comes to family.
I love being with Chad, Nicole and Addie. Chad is such a fun guy to talk to. He has a great enthusiasm for life. He’s helpful and fun to be around. He loves to cook and I’d love to be able to cook holiday dinners with him in the kitchen helping. He wants to learn to can and grow a garden.
Nicole also has a great enthusiasm for life. She’s learned to quilt, knit and wants to learn the things she didn’t grow up with – canning, cooking, gardening.
Addie . . I don’t think I need to explain why I love being around that spunky little girl.
When we’re together, it isn’t like one of us is visiting . . it’s like one big family. Nicole is easy to get along with. I don’t think we’ve ever been aggravated with each other. Chad and I butt heads sometimes but we usually have our say and then we’re fine. It’s been that way with us for a lot of years and there usually are no hard feelings.
I have no idea why it isn’t important for those who don’t care to be near family. It isn’t my business. I believe we’re all entitled to our opinions/feelings and no one needs to explain anything to me.
Vince’s reasoning for not wanting to move back to Missouri has nothing to do with no wanting to live near Chad . . he just feels MO isn’t the ideal location for us. He doesn’t like the cold. I complain about it but if given the choice of living near Chad and putting up with the cold, or not living near cold, I’d take the cold. Easy to say today — it was warm. A few zero degree days and I may be singing a different tune.
Missouri taxes everything – retirement income, pension income, personal property. It’s not the most tax friendly state for retirees and that’s Vince’s big hangup. He says “I will not pay $XX just to get to live in Missouri” and, as far as economics, I can see his point.
We’re not leaving here the first day Vince retires (probably). Once we go visit Chad and Nicole a few times, and either stay with them or stay in a hotel, Vince may change his mind about moving there or visiting often. We’ll see. One thing for sure . . we don’t have to decide tonight.
Susan says
You can take all the time you want to make these decisions. Your current house isn’t going anywhere. =) I will tell you that your energy slows down a lot the last couple of years before you hit 70!
Mary says
I currently live about midway between my two daughters – about 2 hours one way to either of them. We love visiting our girls and their families. But, as we are getting older, we are finding it a bit tiresome to make as a day trip. One daughter really doesn’t have room for us to stay with them and the other has a room but upstairs and between bad backs and bad knees, it isn’t ideal either. I miss seeing my grand babies. And both of my daughters are pretty settled and I doubt either moves again. We had intended to move closer to the one with the younger children but couldn’t afford anything in that area. Real estate has gotten ridiculous. All this to say, if my girls lived in the same city, I would have found something to live in near them, some way. Even if it were a refrigerator box!
pattilynn9 says
Have you considered having 2 places and traveling between them – as long as you have good health/ability. A small cabin-like vacation home in MO…where you guys could spend the summer months. Away from hot TX heat! Vince could fish, you could keep Addie while Chad and Nicole work. Come cooler weather head home to TX. Knit and cook…(Vince needs a winter hobby). Of course, you could also travel to MO for holidays and other special occasions. I guess that would mean giving up gardening and chickens in TX, but it might be a trade-off that you could live with. As the years go by, if travel becomes too much, you’d be in a position to sell one and live in the other…or anything else you wanted to do.
Liz says
That’s not a bad option. If you watch how long you spend in each state, you would declare one to be the primary home for tax purposes and the other is the vacation home.
carolyn says
We are retired, and lone it. you have to have something to keep you busy though…. you will be fine w it. I live in the same city as my Grands, and don’t see them enough! I didn’t live in the same city as my mom and dad when my kids were little they retired to AZ. They never really got to know both sets of grands, just the one set and it was good for them! Good for my kids and for their grandparnets.
Joan says
I’m enjoying reading up on the subject and all the comments, because I’m at that age myself. Growing up in a family that was pretty close to dysfunctional, keeping close to them would be the last thing on my mind, but marrying into my hubby family, changed all that. We lived next door to them until they passed away, and not a day goes by that I don’t miss them dearly. My son got married last fall and I can’t imagine not being close to them now. They are only 30 min away thank goodness. I need all the grand puppy time I can get. LOL!! Heaven knows it will be way worse with grandchildren. All that being said, I would drop everything and move to Alaska if the chance arose. Hubby will never leave this place though. He has lived within 1/2 mile his whole life. Funny how families are so different.
Terri Schanz says
My college roommate and her husband (who was my husband’s college roommate) live in Texas, near Austin. They retired three years ago, sold their house, got rid of most of their furniture and put the rest in storage. bought a pickup truck and a travel trailer and spent the next 2 years on the road. They went all over the country. No timetable, no schedule. If they liked a placed they stayed for a month or two, if not, they moved on. They did make a point to be back in Texas for Thanksgiving and Christmas and the birth of their grandchild. After the baby was born, they decided they didn’t want to miss out on watching her grow up, so they bought a little house near her son and are thoroughly enjoying being grandparents. They still hit the road for extended trips a few times a year, but the majority of their time is spent in Texas. I’ve known them for 45 years and as long as I can remember they talked about traveling in an RV when they retired, and that’s exactly what they did, until they wanted something different. That’s what I meant about being flexible enough to deal with the unexpected. Sometimes your priorities change, your needs change, or what you thought you wanted turns out not to be all you thought it would be. Nothing is set in stone.
debbierhodes says
Having gone Thru helping my parents these last few years I can say if I hadn’t lived close enough to help it would have broke my heart dad died 3years ago and although moms health is ok still I share with her. Today we went to her doctor for something minor but at 85 she needs someone A-Long because she doesn’t think as fast as doctor. This would be so hard if we were not in same town. This weekend she went to turn of faucet in tub and it wouldn’t turn off. She tried to shut water off but not enough hand strength to do it so we drove over without us I don’t know what she would of done.
Nelle Coursey says
You might even want to wait a year or 6 months before you move anywhere. Chad needs to be settled and ready to show you houses. Living near them is one thing but too close is too close, if you get my meaning. You should be within a days driving distance so he could get to you or you could get to him if need be. Life is so funny but that would put you in good standing in East Texas and you still have no state income tax. That is why a lot of companies and people are moving to Texas.
cassews says
My family could move right next to us and it would be ok .. His family on the other hand, not a chance in Hades.
I could live next door to either of my daughters and it would be fine with their families.
Kathleen says
My girls grew up with my parents 3 houses away. We celebrated everything together and were in and out of each other’s houses. My youngest had in her mind that it would be the same for her. Alas, the girls are 4+ hours apart and we are in the middle. They both have in-laws to share time with. Full family gatherings are only a couple times a year. DH and I can’t be two places at once so alternate seeing the girls. I’d love it if we had a family compound!