When Vince retires, we are definitely going to have to find our new “normal”. I know I’ll have to change some of my ways but hopefully he will figure out (1) I do not leaving the house and (2) It’s ok for him to go to town alone.
He’s been off Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Today. Every single week, about Wednesday, I start saying “If there’s anything you need from town, please get it so we don’t have to go out this weekend.” He assures me he has everything but rarely do we not have to go somewhere on the weekend. There’s so much to do around here and most of what I’m doing is in old and ragged clothes so going to town means taking a shower, getting dressed, going to town, then coming home and getting back into old clothes and getting dirty again. It’s so much easier to pick up what you need in town when you’re already dressed decent and out for something else. The main problem is . . there’s rarely anything we need . . he just cannot stay home.
Saturday I was out working in the garden and he came out and wanted me to go to town with him. I said no, then I started feeling bad because he works . . I get to stay home and do what I want to do every day, so went in and said I would go. Took a shower, got dressed, went to town, got a couple of things he needed, got a sandwich in town which threw off my menu for the weekend, came home, put on old clothes and started working with the fruit trees.
Sunday morning I told him . . I am NOT going to town today and for whatever reason, we didn’t go.
Monday morning . . let’s go to town. NO! He wanted to run by his friend’s shop and pick up something. I stood my ground and he went by himself.
This morning . . let’s go to Brady! NO! He wanted to eat at a restaurant he’s heard good things about but he called and they’re not open today. Thank goodness.
Then I started canning figs and he decided he wanted to make fry bread. We have ONE kitchen and I’m already using it! Nope, he wanted to make fry bread. I sat down and knitted while he occupied the kitchen off and on for two hours.
Now I have resumed making fig preserves.
I wonder . . when he retires, is he still going to want to go to town every day? I think if he had a hobby or something to occupy his time, he wouldn’t sit around and think of things he wanted to go buy but . . what do I know? I haven’t figured him out yet.
Terri says
If he’s anything like mine (and unfortunately it sounds like he is) they DO have a hobby. BUYING things 🙂
Good luck and have a Happy 4th!
Donna says
Yes, by all accounts and my own experience those with gypsy feet cannot stay still for long. My husband retired in October. It’s rare he isn’t out at least once a day. I’m still working (from home). I get asked 5 times a day if I need anything from fill in the blank. We’re both still adjusting.
Sherrill says
Hey Judy, can you share your fig preserve recipe? I have a friend who has TONS of figs and I’d like to take some off his hands and make some preserves. If you get a chance..thanks!
Linda in NE says
Why couldn’t Vince make a list of all the things he thinks he needs and then you go to town with him once a week? The rest of the time you each keep your own schedule. I call that compromise.
Dee says
I retired 2 years before my husband and had a pretty good routine going. When he retired my whole world changed. Unlike Vince he never wants to go anywhere and is constantly right where I need to be to cook, clean, whatever. He needs a hobby or better yet a job. It’s been 15 years and I keep thinking we’ll adjust eventually.
treadlemusic says
I wish you all the best but must say that the “compromise” will be more for you than him. Your “home” is your turf and, when Vince is there 100% of the time, it will not ever occur to him what the impact of that is! “Shared space” (read: “kitchen”) will be the hurdle…….ask me how I know…….sigh. I honestly don’t think it is possible for the male mind to comprehend the ramifications of what their retirement means in the home place. Having said all that (and I really don’t mean it to sound completely negative!), DH and I go for many days where each has projects that mesh well in our world but then there are those other moments…………………..
tiptopquilts says
I know the perfect retirement job for Vince…he can become your supervisor! That’s what happened with my folks. 🙂
Ranch Wife says
We have the opposite problem…neither one of us ever wants to go to town. We are fast becoming hermits. I don’t think ranchers ever retire so I don’t think there will be much of an adjustment for us, although, if the good Lord ever makes us move to town, we will both be pretty cranky.
Dorothy Matheson says
I actually worked way longer than DH. H
He did take over my sewing space. But he was watching TV there and not the one that would keep me from sleeping as I worked nights
Now we are both retired. I would not
Much prefer to stay home and do DH goes to local grocery store every day. Talks to all the employees While I worked I had a request or more for him to shop.
Just after we married he said that I spent too much on groceries. My reply was ‘fine you do it’ So he has done it I never do just tell him what I want
Gives me more time to do what I want
June Sommer says
Hi Judy! Want to share this with you…..when my husband retired, my work load doubled!! That was about 16 years ago! He still wants to go to “town” together to get stuff he/we probably don’t need! And yes most times, I have to clean myself up to go with him! Since we moved to NC he loves to shop and it always ends up a day trip bc nothing is close by!! But I still love him and just wish he had more play dates!!!
Carol Craven says
Yep it’s the preview of retirement. Mine has to go to Walmart every dern day. No matter if it’s necessary, it is to him. Gets him out of doing things at home. And the days he works his part time job and needs to be here, he gets here and sleeps. I fight to stay home. Yesterday I stayed in the car and the heat did me in. Today I went with meals made in the house to a restaurant he loves but every time I eat there it destroys my digestive system. I said no More today. Not going there again. He can go alone. I have to go to dialysis 3x a week. That is all I can stand the older I get. Good luck Judy.
cassews says
Oh great !! Look what i get to look forward to .. Oh joy-he already occupies the kitchen as he told his parents that he didn’t like what I cooked (I heard about that one and told him to start cooking the meals himself for both of us), so I cook for me when he’s working. Me thinks that he should work till he’s 90 and never take a day off, then I can have my sanity .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Diane in CA says
I’m thinking Vince needs a charity where he can go every day and volunteer .. Or he starts a “take someone to lunch club”.. or he can do grocery shopping for the elderly.. or heck.. he needs a girlfriend on the side, maybe the French have the right idea..
Sandy says
I hate to tell you Judy but this is going to get worse instead of better. We retired in November 2002 and DH wants to go somewhere everyday! If I said yes, we would be eating out everyday. This isn’t making my pants fit better. LOL I tell him all the time if HE wants to go, fine. I have things at home to keep my occupied. Yes, I go with him several times a week but I think it is a man thing that they like to buy things and eat out. When women say they are looking, a man already knows what he wants, how much it costs, where the best deals are……nothing like us. And you are right about having to stop in the middle of the day and get “presentable” to be going out. Makeup, hair, etc. Maybe it is me and I should be getting presentable every morning I get up. Haha.
Terri Schanz says
My husband and I had a home-based business and we have worked together in 10 x 12 room for the last 20+ years, so we’ve already made the adjustment of sharing our space. We share most household chores too, except for a few. He is the one that prefers to stay at home. He doesn’t like to eat out or go to movies. There are a lot of inexpensive things to do in our town, i.e., free concerts and festivals in the summer. He always say they sound like fun but then when the day comes, he has some reason why he doesn’t want to go. Really, the only place we go together is the grocery store and I don’t consider that a “date night.” LOL. I have friends that I go to lunch and movies and concerts with, so I get the socialization I need, and he stays home guilt free.