This post isn’t meant to make the reader sad, but hopefully to lead us all to think about where we are in life and potentially, what our future might hold.
The other day I was out in the garden and I was spreading mulch and the thought occurred to me that the old girl isn’t what she used to be! That isn’t the first time I’ve thought about it but there are things I could once do easily . . like getting up from sitting on the floor, or unscrew a very tightly fitting lid, and those things, among others, present a bit of a challenge these days. I’m getting older . . we all are.
While out in the garden, I was thinking how much I love being outside and working in the garden on a warm, sunny day; especially after a cold, blustery few days; how much I look forward to spring and being able to plant the tiny little seeds in the freshly tilled ground, and then watch them sprout and . . too often get eaten by grasshoppers!The anticipation, and watching new life emerge is invigorating. Even when I have a year like last year and the garden hardly produces anything, I still find so much joy in planting those seeds, waiting and watch for them to sprout.
Vince and I have been talking about retirement locations. Will we stay here . . for a while or for the duration? Will we move closer to Chad? Will we move to some beach community? There was one location we had thought about and I began researching houses that were on the market . . not that we’re ready to buy, but just to get an idea of what’s out there now. I was struck by the tiny little yards . . which is what most elderly folks probably want.
Then, when I was out in the garden, I realized . . I am not always going to have this! Maybe I will have this location but I may not have the ability to get out and garden. For a minute, it made me sad but then I realized, it’s just another season of life. Just as the seasons of the year, there’s a time and a purpose for everything. I am thankful for so many things. Mostly I am thankful that I have so many things in my life that I enjoy, so many things that bring me joy. Not just “things” but the ability to have a garden, to plant that seed, to see it sprout and hopefully produce some vegetable that we love; to have a small orchard and anticipate those first peach blossoms, and then the juicy, ripe figs; the chickens running around chasing bugs, seeming to not have a care in the world, farm fresh eggs every day – often eaten the same day they’re laid. Even though I can’t yet pet Cat, I get pleasure in calling out to him as I’m out and about and knowing he’ll make his presence known when he’s good and ready.
On cold, dreary days, I’m happy to sit inside and knit or sew or cook. On pretty days, I’m happy to be outside, often just piddling and not accomplishing much . . except enjoying all nature has to offer (excluding cedar pollen — I do not like that at all!).
I am thankful that I live in an age of cell phones and video chatting. I was thinking of when I was a teen or young adult and would call my grandma. She knew that we were paying for long distance by the minute and she was always so quick to get off the phone, even though my parents were paying for the call. Now, most of us can talk for hours on the cell phone, with no regard to any added cost. Addie and I can video chat almost every day. Just yesterday, she wanted to video chat with me. She wanted to show me her new music box. Just a couple of minutes and she was done. Back when I was a child, I would had to have written a letter to my grandma, and described it to her, and I probably would not have taken the time to do it. These days, we’re so much more interactive in the lives of our loved ones because of cell phones and video chatting.
If my life ended tomorrow, or if I’m suddenly unable to do the things I love, and I hope it doesn’t happen, I can look back and say I’ve had a wonderful life, I’ve experienced so much, I know what it takes for me to be happy and I am living the life I love. Whatever my future holds, I hope I can always see the bright side.
I would encourage you to take some time to think about where you are, where you will be in a few years, where you’ve been, the experiences you’ve lived. Even though some of us may not be where we want to be, or life may be more difficult than we wish, we all have so much to be thankful for. It can be easy to dwell on the negative. I think being positive takes a little practice but once you get to where you see the good, even in the midst of bad — that can be life changing, in a very good way.
Teresa says
A friend and I were just discussing this. She had been through a rough year with an illness and is coming out the other end of it, thankfully, better. She is taking a course and hesitated to go out socially with the ladies in the course because she was concerned about what they would think about in regards to her definition of herself. In her words, she has not married and doesn’t have kids, so how would she define her life in their eyes? I told her that she needs to rethink her definition, find other things she feels her life has fulfilled her and furthermore, if she thinks by not having kids or getting married is a failure, she needs to put that aside and then look towards the rest of her life and set goals and expectations. We all need to be happy with what we have (not just material things, but emotional, etc.) and if not, change it. We all need our JOY.
PattiLynn says
“Enjoy your life”. That’s what I try to focus on. Find what gives you happiness, whatever stage of life you’re in…and do that. If the big things are beyond you, don’t stop loving/enjoying the small things. I’ve always been a positive thinker.
Terri S. says
When your body starts to tell you to slow down, you find other ways to still do the things you enjoy. You can still garden, but maybe on a smaller scale. We moved to an apartment several years ago, but I still grow herbs and tomatoes in pots on my patio. I can’t walk or stand for long periods any more, so I got a stool to sit on in the kitchen, so I can still cook and bake, and a walker with a seat to take when I’m out in the community, so I can walk for a while, sit for a while, walk for a while. I can still get down on the floor with my grandchildren, but I have to crawl over to a piece of furniture to get up again!! Several years ago we lost our business, our house, our second car. I had to sell or give away many of the things I treasured because there was just no room for them in our new apartment. I was very sad for a time, having lost so much, and coming to terms with the fact that many of the things I had put off doing for “someday” are no longer a possibility. Then, I decided I could sit around grieving for the life I had, the life I wanted, or start living the life I have. You just learn to adapt to to what is, and you learn to do the things you love a little differently, and you might find some new things that make you happy, too. Life is a journey, and wouldn’t it be boring if it always stayed the same!
Mary says
As a 20 year lung cancer survivor, I try to enjoy every day for what it is. Some are good..some not so good. But I am alive, I have a great family, I am still able to do most things I enjoy (maybe at a slower pace), and I know that God loves me! What more could we ask of life! Enjoy each day as it comes. It sounds like that is the way you feel! And as my husband says “When I wake up and nobody is shooting at me and I am not pushing up daisies, then it is going to be a good day!”
Sherrill says
I thought about that a lot the year my DH was sick and have thought about it a lot more the past 3.5 years since he’s passed away. The way you view it is WAAYY different after your spouse is gone than when he’s still with you. I’d be fine if I were to die today as my kids and one granddaughter are grown and busy in their own lives and nothing here that would make me think I’d rather be here. I know that sounds mauldlin but it’s just the facts!! So glad you have so much that you love to keep you busy!!
Mama Spark says
Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes we get busy and forget to live in the here and now. We really should be thankful for all that God has given to us.
Julie Stocker says
We’re also there, having the thoughts, the conversations, and so on. I have not been up to mulching and weeding one portion of the landscaping, and decided I will return it to nature. I don’t need so much to take care of, and really don’t care that I have a showy garden anymore. I want time to quilt and dye, and eventually play with grandbabies. It’s time to scale back, and I’m not yet 50. I think you’re wise–ha, another adage of age, to remind us all. Not sad over your post, but glad you’ve spoken up. We change like the seasons.
Carolyn says
I can honestly say there is one word I only wish I had learned to say with feeling when I was much younger….”No”. It’s much easier and I choose what I want to do ….not what someone thinks I should do. It has only caused one “friend” to find other friends. which means she was not a real friend to begin with. Another new lesson in life.
Toni Wood says
Now that hubby and I are in our seventies, you look at the future differently. He has had four heart attacks and is diabetic so we need to be near quality medical care. The large house and 3/4 acre yard in a small town is quickly getting to be too much to handle. We don’t have family here and I wonder if I would stay here by myself if he dies before me. We need to decide before too much longer. We live each day to the fullest!
Diann says
Ha I’m ahead of you. Our last move we greatly downsized our belongings and sold it, passed family thing on, rummaged, and gave away to Goodwill. Then we DID buy the house w/ practically no yard. We couldn’t be happier. My growing is now in containers/pots and my quilting still goes but it is much slower and I find those projects being table toppers and mini quilts more. BUT we love the place where we are life wise and enjoy our days nicely. It’s easier to keep it clean than to do serious cleaning and I am reading all the books I want when I want and loving being with my grands more. I think there is a reason for the various stages of life. Enjoy it mostly except for the creaky knees.
Rosalie says
My grandmothers both gardened into their 90s and when they each moved from the farm into the (very small) town, they had a yard and garden space and continued to garden on a smaller scale. We adapt to what we have to and when my paternal grandmother moved in with her daughter, then she enjoyed the garden that her son-in-law planted without all the work! She still went out with them to the garden and picked when she wanted to, and enjoyed the fresh produce, but did not have to dig and till etc. There are lots of opportunities in towns of all sizes with the Master Gardener/community gardens and other places to dig in the dirt if you have no dirt to call your own! Thank you for the great reminder of all the blessings that do not cost money. I know that you did not want to get maudlin, but your piece would be a great eulogy for anyone about being thankful and having the wonder and thrill of life…..hope your family doesn’t have to use it for a long LONG time!
Jackie says
My husband and I for the last month have been discussing where we want to be when he retires in 5 years. I love living in the house we have now but do realize that as times goes on it will be more difficult to keep up, and all our family is 5 hours north of us. If he passes away before me I will be going home as I have three brothers and my daughter there but who knows what the future will be. Most days we say were going home but then I wonder can you ever go home and would we regret it. As i’m getting older I want to let things go and my husband wants to keep everything so downsizing is going to be difficult.
Susan says
I ran into a lady at Wendy’s last fall. She was 82 and still mowing her lawn. She was looking for a new lawn mower, because she didn’t like the one she had. I want to be like that – well, not actually *mowing* the lawn, but able to. LOL One of my favorite quilters is another 82-year old who still quilts, still drives, still cooks, still does all the things she loves. I’m aiming in that direction. You might have to put your garden beds up higher – I’m contemplating building some for my herbs so I don’t have to get down so far – or get a garden table to put them on – but where there’s a will, there’s a way. The good thing about all those fruit trees? No bending to pick fruit! =)
Alison says
Aging is such a gradual experience that it slips on by without noticing sometimes. Just a wee while ago I watched my husband as he was walking and I had a sudden pang about how old he looked! It made me think about being on my own and I didn’t like the thought one bit! We have a few nice friends. but it can go a week without the phone ringing. OK with us as we are content with each others company – but a long time alone. I want to enjoy him for as long as possible.
Jan says
As we do winter cleanup on our 1/3 acre lot, we wonder the same thing about “How much longer?” We have 100+grape vines and make wine, plus have veggie beds, a koi pond and lots of trees and shrubs. This year has been challenging, but we are almost done. Judy, I love your attitude of gratitude, which will serve you well wherever you and Vince end up. Thanks for always sharing what’s real.
wanda j says
Judy,
You said it all so well. Some of us are right there with you. We have downsized house wise but not land. We still have a little less than one acre. I don’t think I can live closer to people than that. The noise drives me crazy. Now giving up stuff was hard and still is. I have to do more of that. But peace and quiet I don’t think you could live in a town or apartment. You need the wild open spaces. Maybe get something Chad and Nicole could share with you. They do the stuff to hard as you get older but you have the benefits of country life. I live next door to my daughter,granddaughter and son in law.It is working out great. We don’t see each other daily but know we are near if something is needed.
Theresa says
The folks who I’ve known that aged the best, and were healthier the longest are all folks who kept working and doing things. After retiring from work, there were gardens and volunteering and remodeling, helping their kids out. Life has a way of removing people who don’t move enough to qualify as useful, so I don’t plan to downsize too much.