Sometimes it’s so hard to convince myself to be happy here and other times, I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I can’t remember if it was before Vince and I got married or after but we were going through some little turmoil and he looked at me and said “You don’t know what the hell you want!” and sometimes, especially since he reminds me of that profound statement often, I think he’s right. I guess the whole point in this blog post is for someone to tell me you feel the same way and I’m not crazy!
I love our land. I love our little house. I love our setup here with the sewing room, the storage areas, the gas stove, the water well, the garden, the solitude. I love that we feel way out in the country but in 25 minutes or so, we’re in town and even though the shopping isn’t the best, and the restaurant choices are downright sad, the medical care is adequate and the people are friendly and overall, it’s a pretty good place to live . . .
Until I see Chad, Nicole and Addie and then I don’t want any part of Texas. I’m ready to pack up and move to Missouri. When I go see them or when they come see us, for about 7 – 10 days, I’m fighting back tears, missing them terribly and begging Vince to move back to Missouri. Then, I come to terms with it all and am happy to be in Texas.
Seeing what my parents just went through with a medical issue, and with numerous and continuing trips to Houston, I think about the predicament Vince and I would be in here if something like that happened to us when we get to be a few years older. We have no family here and not even any friends who are close enough that I would call for a middle of the night type emergency.
On the other hand, we could move back to Missouri, and Chad could get transferred to who knows where, or . . he could change jobs and end up anywhere, and we’d be right there with no family in the area.
The real estate costs here, though low in comparison to places like California and some of the northeast, are pretty high when compared to MO. We could sell this place and get the same type setup or more for close to half the price in MO, with way less property taxes. That, along with the bugs and snakes may send us back to MO once Vince retires. I always thought we’d move back to Louisiana and that could happen . . we might end up on or near Toledo Bend. We lived 9 years in Kentucky and I have no desire to move back there. I’m not sure how much I would want to go back to MO if it weren’t for Chad being there but I do love the Ozarks part of MO. If I had to guess, I’d say we won’t stay in Texas after Vince retires . . and a whole lot of that is economics.
It does kinda bother me and I know it bothers Vince that I can be so happy here and feeling so lucky to be here .. and then, one visit with Chad, Nicole and Addie and I’m ready to start packing.
Please tell me someone else feels that way! Yesterday Vince was telling someone that I can’t stay in one place longer than 4 years . . I want to move on. Maybe that’s true. Maybe I have a 4 year limit and I’ve been here 3 years, 10 months and I’m about to that 4 year mark. Or . . maybe I’m just crazy!
Donna Williams says
You and I are on the SAME EXACT PAGE! All our kids and family live about 3.5 hours north of us, and though we have “friends” nearby, they are in the same boat age and family-less way. Louis had a couple surgeries last year, and for one of them I had to drive back with him post-op car sick and in the dead of night. That just about clinched it for me, so we are giving serious consideration to moving back home, but then there are days when I look around and see the things I’d miss. I guess we’ve come to the conclusion that the kids, and grand kids are way more important than anything here, so I wouldn’t be surprised if by this time next year we are up there very much closer. You are not alone and you are sure not crazy.
PS, in fact now I look at stuff around here and wonder if I really want to move it. Been getting rid of some stuff in anticipation I guess.
Susan says
For completely different reasons, I often feel the same way. It has nothing to do with family for me. The thing is, for both of us, we made the choice to be where we are, and now we find that it isn’t 100% everything we ever wanted. There are reasons why somewhere else looks better. I suspect if we had chosen differently, then where we were STILL would not be 100% everything we ever wanted. You could go to Missouri, set everything up just the same way you have your current spot, be enjoying life close to Chad’s family, and then he could move away and you would be dissatisfied again.
It’s because life changes, and we change. It’s hard to keep up sometimes. =) Neither of us is destined to ever be the same year after year after year or want the same thing for decades at a time. We need change, we need stimulation, and liking change or not liking it has nothing to do with anything.
Karen says
You’re not crazy. Several years ago my youngest daughter and her husband moved 2000 miles from home taking our only grandchild who was 3 at the time. I had her daily. Even though I was home tied by jobs, house and other family I was heart broken. My husband and I considered moving but with jobs, aging parents, house and a small business it wasn’t meant to be. We dealt with it. Other grandchildren came along but still my heart missed the part of my family that wasn’t here. Four years later their job situation changed and they returned home. What joy! We are so happy. I must say the time away from here was good for my daughter. They matured and learned to be independent from their parents and they grew closer together. So do what you can to enjoy now (which you do) and know in time things will change for the better
Dianne says
Judy, you are not crazy and I understand totally!!! Our daughter married in 2007 and lived in SC till her husband finished dental school. They moved to bush country in Alaska for almost 2.5 years. Our first grandchild was born up there. Several trips made up there and skype was wonderful during that time. They went back to SC, then our second grandchild came along. Darrell had traveled with his job for over a decade and he needed to get off the road. Darrell wanted a small farm so we could get out of the subdivision. So we found a small farm and moved 15 minutes away from where we used to live. Once we did that, the kids were like oh we have been wanting you to move closer to us. Then before our second grandchild turned a year old they moved to Arkansas. We would love them to be closer than 6 hours away and sometimes I get a call to come help. I go and remind them if they were closer I could help more! At times, I wish I was back in my larger house in the subdivision and closer to good healthcare facilities, neighbors, stores and etc. Here lately it has been tougher than normal and I struggle because I miss town and how quick I could get to things. So I guess we all go through phases and that’s just part of life. As long as I have known you Judy, I have always hear you say “Bloom where you are planted.” Judy, I’ve been trying to get you to move over this way…..
Sherrill says
Nope, don’t get it. I moved out of state at age 26 because my DH’s job took us there and after 3 years, could not WAIT to get home. Wanted to get as close to OK as possible and that wound up being TX. We did move to CO after DH retired but it was a stupid move and only lasted 7 mo! I don’t ever want to live anywhere but TX. My family’s here but I don’t see most of them very often and probably if I needed anything, I’d call my church friends first. I just HATE moving and don’t intend to do it ever again (unless I’m forced!).
Lee says
Oh yes, Judy, I know the feeling well. And it’s really hard when the heart is divided. My daughter lives in Texas…I have NO desire to move to Texas. I’d like to live where I grew up, and keep dreaming about it and looking at houses and property online, but when I’m there – well, I’ll just say there’s a whole bunch of negatives that go along with some of the positives. I don’t like where I live now, I don’t even like the house, and there’s days I don’t like, well, I won’t go there – I don’t like ME at all a lot of the time. I’ve not been to a lot of places but maybe there’s someplace I may like, but then at my age (close to yours?) I dread the thought of starting all over with new friends, new church, new stores, new medical everything, and then I get depressed, but I realize I will probably never be contented no matter where I am, and then I just want to go home to Heaven!
Sharon Engel says
Dear Judy, I know how you feel, but we are home and the kids moved away; 3 grandgirls and they all live in opposite directions, 1,500 miles away. So we will stay in the middle. Thank God for Skype!!! is all I can say.
BTW I will be going over to the Loopy Ewe this week to shop, its only 30 miles away. No trying to rub it in, hehe.
Sharon in Colorado
Kay Sorensen says
You can’t go home again………
I have had several friends think they could and it just doesn’t work.
It takes time to acclimate to a new location, but if you put your heart and soul into the adventure you’ll be happy.
I’ve also had friends follow their kids……didn’t work either as kids move and they were left with property that they had a difficult time selling.
Susan T says
As a military wife, we lived in many different places over the years. When it was time to retire, we had to choose a location. We decided to choose what was best for us! All of our parents were gone, and our two sons live in different places. We chose our “home town” based on our time spent there during 2 tours of duty. We had made friends, and were happy with the size of the place, and were able to get good medical and dental care. Since we became grandparents, we have thought about moving to be closer to our new little one, but, in reality, it wouldn’t be the best move for us or them. I think they’ll have a stronger bond without us underfoot. They just bought a house, and are learning how to take care of things. We have helped a bit, but only when asked. Technology is wonderful – we skype every week, and our grandson is beginning to recognize our voices. He loves it when DH plays his guitar!
We made great efforts over the years, to spend time with our extended family, so our children would know their roots. They have fond memories of time spent with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
I think what made DH and I strong, was having to rely on each other, as we had no one to run home to when things were tough.
I thought I’d miss moving once we settled down. It was a good time to sort and reduce our “stuff”. I guess by spending the winter in the south, it is almost like moving every 6 months or so!
DS1 and DS2, along with DDIL and our grandson are coming for a visit in July. DS1 can only spend 4 days, but we’ll enjoy every minute of their visit.
We have lots of things planned, including some “doing nothing time”.
I know it will be difficult when they head home, but that is part of life too!
Patti says
Hi Judy-My heart aches for you. I think you should move. Life is short, my friend. I live in MA while two sons (37, 30) live in Tampa, FL and the third (35) lives in Ireland. I don’t have any grandchildren yet, but I cry a lot after talking to them. Three years ago, my husband met his “real” soul mate on an online dating site, so we got divorced after 36 years. My boys have begged me to come to Florida, but I have 85 year old parents here that I take care of, so moving to Tampa is not an option right now. If you and Vince can move, I say go. Look how much Addie has grown already. Don’t miss any more time with her. You have given your Texas home a lot of very hard work, but if your heart is somewhere else, go. I wish you the best!
Karen Sutton says
Well, if you’re crazy you sure aren’t alone. Bob & I struggle with the same issues. We have a son living next door to us with our youngest grandchild so that’s good. But our 2 daughters and the other 5 grandchildren are in Kansas and Colorado. We own 300 acres outside of Versailles MO. Bob wouldn’t mind living there but it’s 45 minutes for emergency medical care and there’s no family or friends in the area. He usually spends 4-6 weeks there in the spring and fall during turkey/deer season. I visit for a few days at a time. My mother is 99 and here in St Louis. She depends on me for errands, grocery shopping, going to the beauty shop, etc. She always tells us to do some traveling but I know it stresses her when I’m not easily accessible. I would love to spend winters where it’s warm and summers where it’s cool. But we also want a home base somewhere. Can you tell we don’t know whether we’re coming or going?
Dona says
There is no guarantee that you would spend much more time with the kids than you do now. Everyone’s life is busy and jobs are demanding. Plus jobs move people around much more than they used to. I say do what’s best for you and Vince and don’t base it on the kids. Just visit as much as you can and enjoy every minute you are together. Meet halfway for a weekend if it’s too far to go the whole way. Our family meets for lunch for special days like Mom’s birthday, Sunday before Christmas, etc. It’s 3.5 hours for one group and 4 hours for the others. We meet early spend the bigger part of the day together and go back home. That way we are part of special days but everyone can spend time at home too. Between Skype, emails, text and vacation time we probably spend more time together than if we lived next door with such busy lives. Just do what makes you and Vince happy most of the time based on facts not emotions. I find that things don’t usually turn out like they do when I imagine what it would be like. Not saying they turn out bad just that life takes a different route than my “perfect images do”.
Linda Smith says
This is my suggestion – for what it is worth. When Vince retires, hire a caretaker to manage your farm for 3-6 months and rent a home in Mo. During that time, smother the kids with your daily attention and look for a place to purchase. After that time, you will know what you want for sure. It would be better to relocate while you are young enough to do so than to wait until you must move out of necessity.
Jo's Country Junction says
Have you talked to the kids? Have you asked their plans and what they are hoping for from life? I know a lot of people even if given a promotion in their company still wouldn’t leave the area they are living in. Maybe they are this way. For some their location is more important than their work. If the kids say Missouri is their permanent state, move if Vince’s job allows it. You’ll never get time with family back. You’ve made a wonderful place to live where you are at but for me nowhere is truly home without family.
Pdudgeon says
it’s your life, and no one can really advise you what to do with it.
Just be sure to make good solid decisions, do your homework, and plan
in advance.
(and remember that it will probably take 3 moving vans this time.)
Pdudgeon says
p.s. and then there’s Speck to consider as well.
at this point he’d probably have a hard time adjusting to a new home and going through the moving process.
For Rita the whole moving process might be traumatic, as she is still getting used to where she is.
Kris says
My hubby and I were fortunate in that our daughters all chose to locate within 45 minutes of our home, but it is still too far – they rarely come to visit. As we are hoping to retire, buy an RV and snowbird in the not to distant future, we need to be a little closer to them so they can check on the house from time to time. So we are moving next year, hoping to center ourselves between them and get lower carrying costs (taxes, heating costs) in the bargain. It will be hard leaving the house where they all grew up, though. All of life is such a compromise! Lose this, gain that.
Mary in VA says
I understand the time limit comment very well. Until now my husband had never stayed in 1 place longer then 5 years. When we came up to the 5 year mark he was ready to move into someplace “less urban” (we live in the country but are close to small cities). I thought of all the work I had put into making our property a home, all the things that we planned for the property, all the friends in the area that would be hard to replace, and said no. We’d wait to move. 2 years later the itch to move has gone away. We’re now implementing some of the plans that we had put on hold while he wanted to move, and watching the long-term plantings (fruit trees and grapes) really start producing. One decision that has been an issue was the decision to keep the garden and orchard small so we could maintain them without them consuming all our time. My DH still believes bigger is better, and that we need to double them but he also agrees that doing so means we wouldn’t have time for other things.
Bev in NC says
I totally get this. My extended family all lives in western NY (a 10-11 hour drive). Two sons live local, and we’re going to Florida this week to move the youngest one back after an absence of 13 years during which time we saw him 2x per year at most. I’m over the moon thrilled, but miss the family gatherings with my 94-year-old Mom and siblings. Will NEVER move back up there as I don’t want to deal with the snow again. I certainly understand how you are torn. Worst time for me family-wise was when my middle son was born in Ireland and everyone was a whole ocean away. Couldn’t even call her, because we didn’t have a telephone. And you’re right, just the time you moved to be near Chad and family, he would be transferred somewhere else. Stay put until you don’t like it any more, Vince is transferred again or he retires and you can truly choose where you want to live. In the meantime, enjoy what you love about your current situation. A though just occurred to me. You mentioned a lake in Oklahoma that wasn’t too long a drive for anyone. Could you rent a place there (yearly?) and the ladies could stay all week and the men join when they were able? Good luck and this too shall pass.
Liz says
Hi Judy,
I hope on this Monday you are doing better. I went through what you are going through now only a little bit worst. Moved to my husband’s home state and almost lost everything because of a con man but made it through the mess and my husband gracefully let us move closer to our kids. We are now 1 hour by plane and 10 hours by driving but its all we could afford on our retirement income. Just knowing I am on the same coast as they are has made a big difference in my life. They are both busy with their jobs and lives and we are too, but at any moment we can hop in the car and go spend a week with them. They come for all the holidays so its great.
One thing about Texas property taxes and you probably already know this but if you put livestock on your property you get a big discount on those hefty taxes. We would have loved to come to TX for retirement but cannot afford their tax.
Another thing that really hurt my mental health was being so far away from everyone and town, I didn’t see anyone all day. I tried to join a quilting group but everyone sort of had their pals and I just didn’t fit in so good.
I hope you can figure things out and get settled again.
Angie says
I think we all go through this Judy. Right now if everything in your life is going good, and Vince is still working, and you are in relatively good health, can drive wherever you want, then be happy where you are planted. Until Vince retires I don’t think you can consider moving closer to Chad. I also hesitate to mention, but having animals, gardens and such can tie you down. As you probably know. We also took into consideration being close to good medical help as we grew older and how much work our property takes. Enjoy the moment, it sounds like you doing fine where you are for now…..
Debra says
Yes! This happens to me every time I talk with my grandchildren. We partially relocated to TX from MO for my husband’s job. I love TX. We are moving but at a very slow pace; he wants to see what the job market will be like in 2017. Sheesh! Until then, I live in both places. I was doing ok with this arrangement until Saturday. My 6yo grandson spent the night with me and shared that he was so happy to see me because he thought he would only be able to visit on the computer, never see me again or be at our house….just about broke my heart. I cry for days
Dottie N. says
You’re NOT crazy….a year ago we moved “sort of” home after being away 45 years. We’re roughly an hour away from where we grew up but that’s what we wanted. Unfortunately we have one child/family 9 hours away and another child/family 13 hours away (the one is north of us, the other is west of us). BUT, we are much closer than we were a year ago (then we were on the east coast).
Our son’s job has had him moving all over the country the past 20 years and he’s pretty much staying where he is because the kids are now in high school. He does think after the kids are gone, he and his wife will move somewhere else (maybe closer to us, or to the southeast).
Unfortunately in this day and age, there’s not as much stability in growing up and living in the same place as it was when we grew up eons ago.
I know how difficult it is not living close to your kids/grandkids and the grandkids grow UP so very, very quickly.
BUT, bottom line, you are not crazy :-).
Jan says
Judy,
I live 4 1/2 hours from my hometown of Visalia, CA, my hometown, and where my only grandkids live. I adore Santa Rosa, and love living here, but am very sad to be so far away from the grandsons. That said, our climate, air quality, and general quality of life is so much better, that I would find it very difficult to go back.
Eileen says
You are NOT crazy!!