Class Supplies

This post is really about a “naked” binder but for fear of spammers and worse, I dare not put the word “naked” in my title.

OK.  How many of you know what a “naked” book is?  No!  Not Playboy or anything like that.  This item on my supply list has caused me great consternation and I’m certainly glad that no one in Joplin knows me.

I’m taking Jessica Sprague‘s “Stories in Hand” class and one of the items needed is a 6″ x 6″ naked binder.  Here’s one at Joanns.com.  I didn’t think something so simple could cause me so much hassle.  While in Joplin, I went to Joann’s.  I looked around in the scrapbook department and didn’t see anything resembling the naked binder.   I sometimes forget how different my accent sounds and then as soon as I say something, I notice that the person with whom I’m speaking is wanting to laugh.  I find that kinda frustrating .. probably more frustrated at myself because I forget that I sound different from everyone else around here.

Anyway, I found a middle aged lady working at Joann’s.  Middle age is now about 65 . . it used to be 30, then 40, then 45 . . you understand that as I get older, so does middle age.  OK.  I said “M’am!  Do you have any 6″ x 6″ books without a cover design?”  She just looks over her glasses at me kinda like . . a book without a cover?  I then said “I think they’re called a “naked” book.  She immediately begins shaking her head . . like . . NO WAY!  This is a family friendly store! I started to tell her that it had nothing to do with being naked but then figured . . what’s the use?  And left . . without a naked book.  I looked for them at Target but didn’t dare ask.  I looked for them at Michael’s but there was a man working in the scrapbooking department and I wasn’t about to ask him.

I’d already been to Hobby Lobby but while there, I figured I wouldn’t have any trouble finding naked books at Joann’s so I hadn’t looked for them at Hobby Lobby.  So, I went back to Hobby Lobby.  The store manager was standing on one of the aisles talking to a co-worker and happened to be the first Hobby Lobby employee I came across.  I said “Excuse me, but can you tell me where your wicker baskets are?”  (Bet that’s not what you thought I was going to ask him, is it?)  Very nice gentleman.  He walked with me over to the wicker basket area and I searched for the perfect (cheapest) baskets that would hold a loaf of bread.  I already knew that I probably wanted to keep the cool striped napkins I had bought, which were supposed to be the liners in the wicker baskets for the bread I’m giving away, so I also needed to find more cloth napkins.  As I was leaving the wicker basket area, I ran across the same gentleman manager and I said “Oh, sir, I have another question.  Do you have cloth napkins?”  No, we don’t have cloth napkins.  OK . . thanked him and went to the back corner to the scrapbooking department.  Two young ladies were working gabbing back there.  I said “Do you have any scrapbook binders without covers?  I think they’re called “naked” binders.”  Oh . . the look!  All the while, you know that Hobby Lobby only plays gospel/Christian music and as Amazing Grace is playing on the store speakers, me . . a 54 year old fairly normal looking lady woman of the world is asking these innocent young ladies if they have any naked books.

Just my luck . . guess who walks by!  The store manager.  Oh, please!  Don’t mention naked books to this man! One of the girls stopped him and said to him “Do you know anything about NAKED books?”  By now, I’m stuttering and stammering and trying to explain.  He smiles and said “My mama told me to stay away from those kinds of books!”  I said . . forget it!  Went to check out with my four wicker baskets and two packages of raffia ribbon.

As with most every store these days, there were plenty of shoppers and not so plenty checkout persons.  I was checking out with 5 people in line behind me and the manager walks up . . about 3 checkout counters from me and said “Did you find everything ok?” and realized it was me and said “What about those naked books?”  The lady checking me out wanted to know what was going on  . . my face was beet red, the manager was cracking up.  He thought it was so funny!

I’ve decided that I will not have a naked binder for my class . . not by choice but I will not humiliate myself farther and Jessica Sprague . . I give up!  I tried; I embarrassed myself; I left Joann’s with the lady feeling sorry for me and I left Hobby Lobby with the manager laughing at me!