Friends have had kids move out and move back; move out and move back! I’ve told Chad that when he moves out, there ain’t no comin’ back and I mean it. I suppose there are circumstances where I’d agree to his moving back — illness, job loss due to company shutting down (not because he got his finances all mixed up). I also know that it’s easy to say he’s never moving back but when push comes to shove, I’d probably welcome him back. But for now, he thinks if he ever moves out, he’s not coming back.
Our conversation the other night went something like this:
Chad: B bought a house and he wants me to move in with him.
Me: Hmmm . .
Chad: I’m thinking I’ll go ahead and move in with him.
Me: (Trying to keep myself from running into his room and figuring out how I’d arrange my sewing supplies in there.) Just remember that if you move out of our house, you’ll no longer get the GA Tech discount that we have on our car insurance.
Chad: Well, I was thinking that I wouldn’t change my address or anything . . I’d just live with B, help with expenses but . . you know, keep my address here.
Me: (Thinking of how nice it would be to have a hot shower without timing it so the water has had time to re-heat since Chad’s 45 minute shower; thinking how nice it would be to be able to start quilting early and not having to wait til 10 a.m. or later so I don’t wake him up; thinking of all the “stuff” I could move into his room; thinking how nice it would be to have his car out of the garage and have room to put Vince’s pickup in the garage.) Just remember that once you leave, you’re not moving back! There’s no revolving doors around here.
Chad: Even if I just move in with B for a while.
Me: Yep, and remember we pay for the cell phone only as long as you live at home.
Chad: Hmmm, I’m wondering why he bought a house anyway. I think I’ll just plan on staying here til I decide where I’m going to college next semester.
As much as I’d love to have peace and quiet around here, and as much as I’d love to have that extra bedroom, I’m nowhere near ready for Chad to move out, but I think that little conversation was a reminder to me that it’s going to happen soon and I’d better start preparing myself for an empty nest.
i moved out the first time when i was 19. i had a full time job which paid enough. i had no car so took the bus or walked everywhere.
came back home because of sickness, went to school for a year, and then moved out permanently at 21.
Best wishes to Chad as he makes his choices.
Famous last words, Judy. We were “boomerang parents”, as DD moved out after high school; moved back in 3 months because her roommate enlisted in the service and she couldn’t afford it alone; moved out 15 months later because she got mad at the rules; moved back in after 8 months because all of a sudden the rules weren’t so bad and living alone trying to work and go to college was wearing her down; then 3 years later moved across the country. Then we moved across the country, and she moved closer to go to grad school.
When she does come here (since she’s never actually lived in this state, she doesn’t call it “home”) I enjoy her visits, and would love to have her live in the same town, but not with us.
Now when I’m old(er) and decrepit(er), and have to go live with her, I’m thinking I might have to learn the rules.
2 of my cousins NEVER moved out – and they are in their 50’s now! Why move out if Mom is such a good cook??? I would think that would be the ultimate inticement your household for not moving out! I know in the USA it is popular for kids to move out at 18, have a car loan and a student loan – in Europe the kids pretty much stay home until they are finished with school and have purchased their own place. Generally they don’t have cars because public transportation is available everywhere and they don’t have student loans because education is free as long as you keep passing. Personally I think US kids need every helping hand they can get because it seems like they are already starting out behind. Keep that boy home as long as possible!
I moved out when I was 17, my boys also left at 17. Once they’re gone, you’ll fill up that space and then it’s awfully hard to make room if they should want to come back!
If the situation were really bad, I’d let them come home, but I’d build an addition on for them, or a studio apartment probably, I don’t think I could ever go back to “sharing” our space… that music, the mess… LOL
Good for you!!!! Thank you for standing your ground. I know it is hard, but there are too many kids and young adults today who have wishy-washy parents.
I wanted to move home one summer from college because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Dad said yes; Mom said no. She won. A couple of years later I asked her why, and her answer surprised me. She said she was afraid I’d fall in love and marry someone around there and then I’d never get away from that small town. LOL
Once Chad moves out tell him he’s welcome to come back anytime…the rent is $1,000 a month. Think how many fat quarters that would buy!
I’m smiling!! Ryan is home for the weekend from Ft. Bragg. He’s changing his MOS to recruiting and his Sgt is helping him get what he needs so he can go to recruiters school. He plans to come back to Maryland as a recruiter, and move back in with Mom so he can pay off his bills. There goes my sewing room.
For years our home was known as “The Halfway House”. Kids moving in and our so many times I lost count. When the last one left last Feb. Dad decided he really, really needed an office. So boom-we do not have a guest room anymore. I do have the number of the nearest motel.
I couldn’t push Chris out fast enough but Adam’s move came suddenly when he got his internship at the Ritz Carlton and it was too far away to commute. That will be 3 years in November and while I wasn’t ready when he left I would have a very difficult time with either of them living with me again. I’ve already told both of them that if Adam ever needs a place to go – he goes to live with Chris! (Helping him and Becky buy our Marietta house should have SOME benefits!)
I’m sure you’ll adjust when the time comes.
I had a hard time when my son left last year! The girls left the same year, within two months apart, that tore me apart (2002), then Chris was here until he was 25..(2007)..empty nester I was, and still miss those days, although I love the closeness my husband and I have, there is life after the kids go!
Ahhhh sons…the ultimate adventure in patience. 🙂 We will miss them when they are gone but boy can I envision my sewing stuff in his room! hahahahaha Glad Chad realized how green the grass was on his own side of the fence.
Yes, you’re going to need to prepare yourself. The hardest part for me was knowing that my kids didn’t “need” me in the same sense they did when they were little. Of course, that’s our goal as parents. Empty nest, yes. But you know what? I’m enjoying the heck out of it. And then we give a young lady a place to live for a while and boy am I having to make ajustments all over again!